Ptsd And Bdsm

[Deleted member 19804]

Anna, I am so sorry that you had to experience such terrible things. It's horrible that people would treat you like that. You never deserved that. Maybe BDSM wasn't for you, but you definitely met the wrong people. BDSM is never meant to do any serious harm, both physically and emotionally. A good Dominant recognizes it when he/she is going too far and provides enough after care to the submissive, so that she or he always gets back to feeling calm, safe and good about her or himself. It disgusts me that someone abused his/her power over you to put you in such emotional and physical danger.

I'm glad that you've learned to love and respect yourself. I know how hard that is and it's a really great accomplishment.

And thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Anna]

I guess also there is a difference between a "Dominant" and a "Sadist".

Dominants enjoy dominating people, and being in control.

Sadists enjoy inflicting pain whether physical or psychological on someone.

Subimissives- Enjoy not having control, having someone control them.

Masochist- Enjoy having pain whether physical or psychological inflicted on them. In my case out of hatred for myself.

Yep, there is a huge difference between dom/ sub and sado/masochism. They are not the same thing in my book.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I understand Anna, in my subconscious search for a Dominant, I was exposed to some extremely sick Sadists.

And it isn't a fine line between the two either, only a sick asshole interested in their own pleasure does that sort of thing.

 

[Tommy Lazarus]

I don't know if I am in the right place or not but I just needed to talk to someone. I maybe joining this Discussion late. Let me start from the beginning. My name is Tommy Lazarus, I am currently serving in Afghanistan, my 3rd tour overseas. I just joined myptsd today. I have only been to a psychiatrist once after my second tour but I never went back. I always thought it was a sign of weakness. Recently I developed an interest in BDSM, I have heard about it through the media and other outlets but have never tried it. I guess I am afraid to but I am still curious. Can anyone answer if my desire to try BDSM is linked to my PTSD?

 

[Spiderallis]

Hi Tommy, welcome to forum- I hope you find it as helpful as I have. I've never considered it weak to ask for help- that's a sign of wisdom and strength, counselling is a tool that can help us build better lives. Whether your interest in bdsm is related is something only you can answer- some people are into that without any history of trauma, believe me, I know plenty of them! I also know some folks who've found bdsm to be helpful in dealing with their issues- while others found it made things worse. If it's something you're going to explore, please learn as much as you can before trying anything. Being able to communicate well is vital to enjoying the kinky stuff safely.

 

[falling_wave]

Wow, I'm so glad someone posted this. I too have been raped and generally felt very lost and disconnected from people. I have had the hardest time maintaining an emotional or physical connection with another man. Overtime I learned that I could only get turned on when I was thinking about being dominated by a strong man and minor playful pain such as being spanked during sex. I felt so much shame about this and I talked to my therapist. We talked about some of the experiences and processed through it and she told me she hears people's concern about this all the time and it probably is not even related. She said it's normal but be careful because sometimes the fantasy does not carry over to real life. She said it's okay to think about it to get turned on even if the man is not dominant. I have been with one dominant man and it was the first time I didn't feel self conscious and want to run from the situation. I hate when someone is all over me with compliments and cuddling before it is a strong telationship. It makes me feel unsafe but when the guy tells me and makes me do what he wants I get so turned on and feel safe. Its almost like his control is protection and I can give up the anxiety about what to do and how to respond. It makes me feel safe to just lay with him after. I felt less shame over it after talking to my T and I'm not sure how it connects but it works for me.

 

[Zamba]

Wow, I'm so glad someone posted this. I too have been raped and generally felt very lost and discon...

My gf have had some rather bad experiences in a BDSM relationship. She is a sexual sub (light I suppose) while the dom turned out to be a sadist. This caused her a lot of pain and partly traumatic feelings. As her new bf I have some concerns about venturing into these type of games. I am concerned I may accidentally recreate the feelings she have been struggling with. I would prefer for her to see a therapist but she don't really like that. She prefer to put it behind her as she says. I am not convinced she knows her own best in this situation. She may very well be, but I am not sure.

Any views on how to deal with this based on your own experiences or stories you know??

I would appreciate any answers as this have become an issue that have put us in a somewhat difficult situation.