Judgemental

[Apu]

Yes broken hearts can cause depression and all sorts of serious problems BUT they don't cause PTSD and this is a PTSD forum.

 

[Ehu]

You still don't need to ridicule those people compair it to a stubbed toe and so on.
I may have misunderstood and maybe the person did not mean to say this.

I feel that I am very angry and not everything I say or think when I am angry makes much sense. So I guess I have to to take a step back now

 

[Kuci]

This post is super confusing and for anonymous seems a bit personal. People are all humans with different feelings, experiences, and opinions. In my opinion if you chose to post something than you are accepting the risk of being "judged". It's not an issue of right or wrong, it just is what it is, people sharing their personal thoughts. You may or may not agree, you may feel hurt or judged, but learning to deal with whatever emotions get triggered in you is a good lesson and growth process, as you can only change yourself.

 

[Zowa]

I post this anonymous because other on this board do not know about this A criterion stuff that happened to me and I don't want them to know. Besides the gossipers were just as anonymous.

I never asked about that guy leaving me here... but it seems that others did post about similar stuff happening to them and they might have felt vulnerable and in need of a helping hand. To my mind it is just not fair to ridicule a person in need of help no matter how silly their problems seem to be to others.

Would you want others to treat you like this? If you do not want this why do you think it is okay to behave like this towards others?

 

[Cedu]

Now I am more confused. If you have criteria A stuff that didn't cause you to go on to suffer from PTSD and you don't want anyone here to know you have it, why would you even mention it?

 

[Ubek]

Because I had this happening to me and I coped but when this man I loved did not want me and I could not cope.
In my world this was far worse then the criterion A stuff. This is how bad it is for some people. I wanted make clear that I did not only say it was bad because nothing really bad had happened to me before.

 

[Jemel]

I dealt with a rejection that put me into a major depressive episode and triggered feelings of unworth and abandonment that I know stemmed from childhood trauma. The pain you felt (feel) could possibly be triggering some old hurts or fears in you.

 

[Owuc]

... but it seems that others did post about similar stuff happening to them and they might have felt vulnerable and in need of a helping hand. To my mind it is just not fair to ridicule a person in need of help no matter how silly their problems seem to be to others.

Would you want others to treat you like this? If you do not want this why do you think it is okay to behave like this towards others?

This is a PTSD forum, not an 'I feel bad' forum. Not because this is the worst kind of feeling bad, ever. There are worse things. It's that this is a specific thing.

If I went to a cancer, or infidelity, or parenting forum to talk about how much PTSD is affecting my life? The people there would be equally confused. It's like going to church and practicing my gymnastics routine, or free climbing the gargoyles. Bringing pizza to a fast, going to an OB and asking them to do my heart surgery -No, I'm not pregnant, whas the problem? You're a doctor!- Or doing a striptease for my husband at an elementary school or public library.

There's nothing inherently wrong with gymnastics, pizza, turning my husband on, doctors who specialize in delivering babies, etc. Its that there are times and places. As people, we set aside places for certain things, and that's okay. It's okay to have a place of worship, and a place of education, a place for cardiologists and a place for obstetricians. Online, a place for PTSD, and a place for cancer/ infidelity/ parenting/ etc.

There are "discuss anything" forums. This isn't one of those.

 

[Vahurut]

Thank you, Jemel. It was not childhood neglect though.

@Owuc: This definitely is the wrong board for broken heart problems BUT people still don't need to ridicule those suffering from that, do they?
You compared it a a person with PTSD coming to a parenting board.

It would be the wrong board but still the individuals there should not say "What does he even want here? He does not even have kids. He has no idea what it is like to deal with a three year old throwing a temper tantrum and should be happy to have no real problems. What's next - people coming here for advice for a stubbed toe?"

This is hurtful and unneccessary and if people on a board I frequent would do this I would definitely tell them off.

 

[Fowa]

It would be the wrong board but still the individuals there should not say

Challenging your "shoulds" here.

Why is it not okay for people to lay boundaries? This place is for this.
Why is it not okay for people to have different opinions than you?

Telling someone they're in the wrong place may be hurtful (or may not)... But it is necessary. It may be an honest mistake / correcting ignorance. It may be deliberately refusing to respect other people's boundaries. Or a whole lot of other reasons.

People on this board are generally either kind, or factual, when people wander in here by mistake. It's usually only after deliberate disrespect, willful ignorance, or outright attacks that people get pissed. Although I think the reaction is fair at any point. I'd be pissed if someone started doing a strip tease at my son's school, regardless of their motivations or behaviors when asked to leave. (Not the time or place for that! Respect. Boundaries. This is a school! Not a strip club!) For other things, I tend to be pretty relaxed, until they throw a fit upon being asked to leave. But just because I'm relaxed about it, doesn't take away others right to their reactions at feeling invaded/insulted.

I'm a bit of a rule-breaker by nature. I push boundaries. I'm often the one who is doing things differently. But my feelings, just because Im the one breaking the rules aren't more valid than the people I'm walking over. I'm not "owed", don't have a "right" to bust through other people's boundaries. The idea that they "should" either ignore their own boundaries, or "should" treat me in a certain way once I've completely disrespected those boundaries (accidentally or on purpose), or "should" only say XYZ... Is a bit concerning to me.

Not all boundaries are kosher, I'll be the first to admit that. And I'll fight ones I believe to be unjust. But just because a boundary exists doesn't make it unjust, ya know?

 

[Ipeho]

Nothing wrong with having boundaries but why treating people who are in a bad place so unfriendly? It might push them over the edge.

 

[Kecaj]

Wow. OP you really need to look at why you are reacting the way you are. The original thread you referenced was IMO venting frustration at people who pretend to have / genuinely think they have PTSD when they do not.

It is very frustrating for people (like your husband - assuming he has a formal diagnosis) with actual PTSD that is affecting every moment of their lives in an ongoing manner to hear people use the term PTSD when what they mean is "I was really upset about that thing that happened years ago but now I'm fine."

Secondly, if you look at actual threads where people have posted something like "I have PTSD because my boyfriend left me" many many of the responses are very respectfully pointing out that this is not a Criterion A trauma and they - by definition - cannot have PTSD and THEREFORE should seek an alternative diagnosis and treatment which is more likely to help their actual condition. Those responses come from a place of caring to try and point the poster in a helpful direction.

No-one is saying a broken heart is fun, but it's not PTSD.