Other Unloving Return

[Luminous Lotus]

@Samantha_38
Thank you. Reading that, I found myself wanting to say that I wish the best for your son, but really... There are so many people suffering here, yourself included. I'd like to wish the best for everyone.

I hope you find it helpful to stay.

I hope so, too.

@Recovery4Me
Yeah, that probably wasn't my best approach. I seem to run into trouble either way though - either I'm making other people upset or I'm so busy worrying that I'll offend or hurt someone that I stress myself out way more than I should. I just figured that if it was a lose-lose situation, I might as well just be as honest as I could.

@darrenS
I was actually seeing a therapist there for a little while, but I could only get in once monthly and we ended up having to drop it due to cost. Sadly I didn't go long enough to get an official diagnosis. I hadn't really thought about trying to go back, but since you've mentioned it... I'll probably consider it once my nerves have completely calmed down again.

@Muse
All of that is exactly right. I'm glad someone can pick up on that, apparently I'm bad at explaining myself when my hands are shaking.

@TreeHugger
I stand by what I said.

What draws me to this site is pretty much what I tried to explain. This site, not the people, but this site on it's own is very much linked to the development of my non-epileptic seizures. This place gives me fear by association, and me saying that I hate it is because I have a tenancy to feel anger towards things that scare me. I'm drawn back here because this is my way of trying to fight that fear. It doesn't actually have much of anything to do with the people. A lot of the people here are nice, and while some of the people here felt cold to me when I first came here it's only because I was in a state of panic and was desperate for support at the time.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I just figured that if it was a lose-lose situation, I might as well just be as honest as I could.

If honesty involves positioning hatred, then the dialog may fall into a loss, for it is hard for the receiver to communicate & add compassion...to a cup that is already full or a mind that is already set in hate.

This site, not the people, but this site on it's own is very much linked to the development of my non-epileptic seizures

"A website, also written as web site,[1] or simply site,[2] is a set of related web pages typically served from a single web domain." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Website

What are you trying to offer concerning an first seizures, eclampsia, febrile seizures or your nonepileptic events with respect to your links with this particular domain?

and then the quote below from your first post...

... I realized what brought me back.
I hate this site. I hate this site because when I first made my account here, I was in a very dark place and I was met with a seemingly cold reception.

Perhaps if you were not actually referring to the members, you might have considered the "Help Desk" to lodge an request to have the site warmed and fix your links.:clown:

Welcome to the forum...leaving the thread. See you around the board.:hug:

 

[StarChild]

I stand by what I said.

Yes, me too. What you're doing here is nothing else than trying to mask your disappointment about not getting the amount and kind of attention you obviously feel entitled to receive, by making hair splitting statements about the difference of people versus site.

and me saying that I hate it is because I have a tenancy to feel anger towards things that scare me.

Just a thought on that; First. Anger is not the same as hatred. Second: Do you also react with hatred in real life, when people don't satisfy your high and quite demanding expectations?

But anyway, I think I'm not interested to discuss this further with you. Because to me this seems to be to no avail.

 

[Luminous Lotus]

I didn't post any links... The only links in my post were the ones auto-added by the site.

@TreeHugger
I'd appreciate it if you would stop making assumptions. I'm not here to get a pity party, it would have made no difference to me if my post had been ignored completely. Maybe I was still somewhat upset about that, maybe I wasn't - as far as I can tell my feelings are in opposition to my remaining upset at people who tried to help, and my mind is focused more on the fact that this site brings back bad memories of the seizures. I explained that I received a seemingly cold reception because I wanted to explain the whole truth about my mindset at the time. I was not in my right mind at the time, I fully recognize that I was far more easily hurt and prone to understanding things the way I wanted to understand them rather then the way they were intended. This is no fault of anyone on this site.

 

[Powder]

Luminous Lotus, has getting further diagnosis helped? I'm not sure I got it clearly from the posts. Did you get an update on that front?

I'm not sure I can pull anything from this, but it leaves me confused.

I know that without proper diagnosis I can never actually be sure it was PTSD, but at this point, I can never be sure it wasn't either.

I'm sorry you had to terminate due to cost, and once per month is already fairly scant for therapy, and that's usually the level of maintenance before you are done.

Above posters are noticing something that should be picked up on. I'd go back and work on an accurate diagnosis because it really sounds like you need that assurance. Labels are just that, but getting Dx can lead to a better "fit" with meds, therapy, reading material, forums, and self-understanding.

I wish you well.

 

[Luminous Lotus]

I never received a diagnosis in the first place, and haven't had any updates.

....Well, when you're right, you're right. I've been thinking I didn't need to go back, but considering my reaction to this site plus some other things including those you just pointed out, I may have more of a need for it then I'd like to believe. I don't know that I would get the same diagnosis now as I would have before the NES became a thing though - a lot has changed since that happened.

 

[Powder]

You've been through a lot, as have many here, but just the surgery was probably a huge medical trauma.

I worked with a woman who I got into housing that had had a brain tumor removed. Watching what she went through after, even a year later, I feel real empathy for you. It's a hard thing on the body/mind. Take good care of yourself. Life is precious. Be well.