It's been a few years since I've created a thread. I'm feeling heavy hearted after reading my past threads and status content. I still feel very much the same. Stuck, lost, afraid, overwhelmed, tired etc. I have regained a sense of achievement. The depression has lifted. However, the anxiety tends to have a strong hold on my every day living. Anxiety has always lingered like a storm in a teacup - or so I thought, and has manifested into a tornado.
Therapy sessions have continued with the same psychologist since my demise into this place of uncertainty approximately in 2009. Admittedly, our sessions have been somewhat spasmodic over the last few years, yet I'm still hanging in there :oops:
My most recent appointment hit me with the acknowledgement that my coping skills have been hindering the healing process of my PTSD. My methods of coping had failed me.
Exposure to everyday activities - shopping, house work, kids sporting events and to be somewhat social have fallen in a heap with a huge thud! My general philosophy to "accept the setbacks, reflect and focus on the positives again" has been replaced with an overwhelming sense of despair.
Divulgement of what had been occurring over the past few months since our last appointment lead to the conclusion my anxiety had generalised. That fight and flight response is in damage control and taking over my everyday existence. Turning up, getting the task done then taking off isn't working anymore. The façade everything is ok has been exposed. My family and home life has suffered. Although I was "out there" behind my home walls is completely different. Cracks have formed in in my once close and strong relationship with my husband :cry: We are still focused on each other and our family though. :D
So now I have to look at my exposure without "resentment". I have to choose one of many outside tasks and to become more focus instead of just coping. I've chosen one. A job I started 10 months ago. Financially I had to find work. The stress on my husband to be the main breadwinner had become too much. I also hold the hope it can be a good outcome for the future. I am doing book keeping/accounts administration for a small business with a very understanding boss. On average about 6 hours a week and very minimal outside contact. I have really struggled to keep a balance. And I mean really struggled :giggle:
I know it will get easier as time passes yet my head is spinning. I'm tired of this fight. I'm tired of struggling. I'm wondering how other sufferers have managed heading back out into the workforce with paying the price.
Therapy sessions have continued with the same psychologist since my demise into this place of uncertainty approximately in 2009. Admittedly, our sessions have been somewhat spasmodic over the last few years, yet I'm still hanging in there :oops:
My most recent appointment hit me with the acknowledgement that my coping skills have been hindering the healing process of my PTSD. My methods of coping had failed me.
Exposure to everyday activities - shopping, house work, kids sporting events and to be somewhat social have fallen in a heap with a huge thud! My general philosophy to "accept the setbacks, reflect and focus on the positives again" has been replaced with an overwhelming sense of despair.
Divulgement of what had been occurring over the past few months since our last appointment lead to the conclusion my anxiety had generalised. That fight and flight response is in damage control and taking over my everyday existence. Turning up, getting the task done then taking off isn't working anymore. The façade everything is ok has been exposed. My family and home life has suffered. Although I was "out there" behind my home walls is completely different. Cracks have formed in in my once close and strong relationship with my husband :cry: We are still focused on each other and our family though. :D
So now I have to look at my exposure without "resentment". I have to choose one of many outside tasks and to become more focus instead of just coping. I've chosen one. A job I started 10 months ago. Financially I had to find work. The stress on my husband to be the main breadwinner had become too much. I also hold the hope it can be a good outcome for the future. I am doing book keeping/accounts administration for a small business with a very understanding boss. On average about 6 hours a week and very minimal outside contact. I have really struggled to keep a balance. And I mean really struggled :giggle:
I know it will get easier as time passes yet my head is spinning. I'm tired of this fight. I'm tired of struggling. I'm wondering how other sufferers have managed heading back out into the workforce with paying the price.
