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I Had A Good Analogy. The Bf Didn't Get It Though

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Blue Survivor

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I wanted to share an analogy that I came up with. Unfortunately the BF (who still is not a 'believer' of PTSD) did not understand the analogy.

A bit of background - we are on a weekly car trip, the same one where I tell him I'd love to listen to some tunes and zone out a little (he drives). The same trip where he constantly turns down the radio to tell me about the makes, models, and prices of every car that we pass (which I could care less about), or just blab nonstop about anything and everything.

But this trip, he asked me about Math. Yes, math. We run a business together. He was curious how I came up with a number (which he did not see in our spreadsheet - I had given him a rough number a day or two before this trip, which I admit was a higher number off the top of my head than what was in the spreadsheet). Anyhow. I explained to him my math. BUT THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH! He kept asking me to explain and re explain it, expecting a different number somehow. Meanwhile I am in a freaking car, which is a mighty small space, and I can't get out and he's just badgering me and badgering me. And he wonders why I became a wreck.

We happened to pass a spot where we once we almost hit head-on by a bus, and I asked him later if that spot made him nervous, or over cautious. He said yes. I said: "Imagine carrying that nervousness and overcaution with you all the time, and then feeling badgered and stuck in a place that you can't get out of. That's PTSD at times." Which I thought was brilliant. Of course he didn't get the analogy. He asked what that intersection had to do with PTSD. Good grief.
 
I don't have diabetes. I don't really understand diabetes. I don't know what the experience of diabetes is really like for those who suffer from it. But I believe diabetes exists.

If someone chooses to not "believe" in PTSD, then they are choosing to not believe all of medical and psychological science. They basically believe they know better than pretty much every doctor and psychologist out there.

Your analogy was fitting in how to explain what the experience of PTSD is like to someone who is ready and willing to accept that PTSD exists.

No amount of explaining what the experience of PTSD is like will do any good until he chooses to accept that PTSD exists.
 
I'm not going to offer relationship advice, as I didn't see any questions about whether you should stay with him or not.

When it comes to PTSD, and mental illness in general, some people will just not get it. It's not 'cause they don't want to, it's just they can't. I'm not saying this is your case. It seems he's a guy who needs things explained to several times in order to understand. I've met people like that. It can be months before they understand a concept I've explained to them countless times.

It sucks. It really really does. I understand what you meant. Sometimes it takes going through it to get it. Relating isn't easy for some people sadly.
 
It's not 'cause they don't want to, it's just they can't.

I have a friend like this. She just can't process mental illness. It's completely bizarre because her father is schizophrenic and has been diagnosed with combat-related ptsd. I think her recurring anger toward him won't let her give him the "excuse" of mental illness. It's like she blocks the possibility from her mind. And she extends that to everybody else. I have tried explaining things like depression to her, because I've had lifelong personal and family experience with it- I know what it is and that it's not about sulking over momentary sadness or disappointment, but she cannot get past her "get over it" mentality.

I know this is kind of a tangent away from the OP. Your boyfriend sounds frustrating to say the least. I can imagine talking to him is a lot like talking to my friend. I'll admit I get flat pissed over her ignorance sometimes. I would never wish personal experience on either of them, but it would be nice to have some way to make them understand.
 
When I was just starting on my path to healing, going to therapy and whatnot, it came to my attention that a handful of people in my life were constantly triggering me. Not on purpose, but because of the way their personalities are. This was not healthy for me and not what I needed at that time, and so I made the decision to either distance myself from or completely severe ties with these people. Those who did trigger me but I for whatever reason could not/did not want to have out of my life completely, I sat them down and had a calm but serious discussion with them about my boundaries.

Please note that I am not going to advise you to ditch anyone because that is not my place; I'm only stating what I did for my particular situation. If this is someone you want to keep in your life, setting clear and defined boundaries is very healthy (and a pretty good way to discover more about a persons' personality/willingness to respect you). Example: "It triggers me when __*insert situation here*__. You may not understand it personally and that's okay, but all I ask is that you recognize and accept that it does make me feel this way and please help me avoid it."
 
Thanks for comments everyone, they are most appreciated. I was just happy that I had come up with the analogy, even if he did not 'get' it. Some of you are quite right about him being ignorant about PTSD, but he is WILLFULLY ignorant of it and that's what irritates me. I have given up. It is science...you can't dismiss science!

I know I did not ask if he belongs in my life, because deep down I know that there is no room for him. This isn't the first time he's acted this way and I'm sure that it will not be the last.
 
You know what? It's ok to have fun with Mr. Right Now. He doesn't have to be your forever. Maybe the good outweighs the bad for now. You seem to have clear eyes.

Enjoy every moment you can. Even with people who aren't perfect.
 
When he gets cancer, diabetes, a hang nail.....deny him! Lmao.

Ya, he's Mr Right Now. Have fun while it lasts!
 
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