Is This Normal For Therapists?

[Fadeaway]

It seems like looking for a therapist is a full time job. I did however get into see someone today on cancelation. They did an intake with me and I really wanted reassurance that they weren't going to drop me after a handful of sessions. All the therapist did was repeat over and over like I was a child "We can schedule an appointment for next week."

She asked details about my living situation and started asking about family member, and asked about something I knew I would fall apart if I answered and i think it upset her pretty bad, but I was barely and working hard to keep myself in check... What I have learned over the last few years is that showing visible signs of anxiety is dangerous but I can't help it sometimes. It either pisses people off or they want to hospitalize me.

My main question however is this.

She handed me a peace of paper that talked about the mindfulness approach and had a vin diagram in it. In one of the circles it said "Rational mind" and in the second circle said "Emotional mind" and in the overlap it said "wise mind"

I asked her if that was the same thing as when I know I am in a safe place and logically I know I am not in danger or going to die, but another part of me, the part that affects me physical self thinks that am in danger.. I told her I ave been trying to find a way to explain it to my husband and asked her specifically, "Does what I am saying make sense in relation to this paper, because I struggle with communicating things to him?"

She said "You just want me to agree with you and I can't do that." This caught me so off guard. When I told her I was confused and tried to understand her response she said "Let's talk about making an appointment for next week."

^^^^ THAT is what my previous therapist kept doing everything I tried to give any information on my traumas. I had to be push to get her to acknowledge I was confused and needed clarification and she would only say "We need to wrap up I have another appointment in 10 minutes we can process it and go over DBT therapy later."

I have never encountered that before.

I don't know, I felt things ended on such a sour note, and without confirmation that I am not going to be dropped like a hot potato again (Which caused her to think I had co-dependency issues but unless co-dependency means a dependency to isolate and forward to your spouse going to work or the store because you need more "me time" and refuse to put in more effort than the other person because you did that once and never will again...Then ya I am totally co-dependent.

Seriously, I just don't know, beggars can't be choosers I don't maybe I am over thinking things. I ask myself "would I be making such a big deal about this if I hadn't been dropped? Would these be red flags or would I normally trust that they knew better than I did.

 

[Rumors]

I can't imagine how you must feel. I would, however, be careful of the therapist who made an assessment based on 50 minutes of meeting you. My gut tells me you should go back while continuing to seek out other avenues. Perhaps try to outline your needs, your story, your sticking points before you go in again and just hand it to her to read. It takes verbal communication, or in my case verbal diarrhea, out of the mix. I can't communictae well when I am in a funk.
Hope that helps! Good luck and hang tight!

 

[Spiderallis]

The diagram the T drew is often brought up as part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which can be awesome for trauma- particularly in cases of ongoing/recurrent traumas. Is that something you'd like to try? It can be a bit intensive, but the research I found shows good results. If you're open to the idea of trying DBT, this may be a good T to work with on that- I'm seeing the end of your session as an example of boundary-setting rather than a risk of being dropped. If you're entering into formal DBT, there will be clearly outlined expectations to assure you that your T will not drop you, so long as you uphold your end of things. I liked that part, until my insurance decided they had the final say on the matter and did not agree with my T and I.

 

[Chosen]

I see red flags...especially with her telling you what you want. She doesn't have that power or knowledge to make an assertive, aggressive statement like that. I think it'd be different if she asked you more, but I think you were simply wanting to know about something theoretical having real life applications.

I'd be very wary, and I don't know if she's safe enough for you to see her again, given her attitude.

 

[StellaBlue]

The diagram the T drew is often brought up as part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which can be awesome for trauma- particularly in cases of ongoing/recurrent traumas. ...If you're entering into formal DBT, there will be clearly outlined expectations to assure you that your T will not drop you, so long as you uphold your end of things.

I agree - she sounds like a DBT therapist...and if you decide to go this route and choose her as here therapist, she will clearly tell you up front the reasons that she would terminate you (if she is a well trained and decent DBT therapist)...and a DBT therapist won't drop you because of your anxiety (typically, you would be dropped if you missed four sessions in a row or did something really really inappropriate like stalk her kids). I have found DBT to be life saving. That said, I did have a DBT therapist that wasn't a good fit at all...he was very much into the behavioral part and not so great on the empathetic part. Also - you would probably be asked to participate in a long-term skills group - which isn't group therapy - more like a class.

Do know, however, that if you go the DBT route, the initial focus will be on developing the skills to keep you safe and not trauma - that comes later when you are stable. It is very frustrating at times, but it actually makes sense and is consistent with all other trauma therapies.

 

[Kintsugi]

I see that she is using DBT here, but her response to your question is completely puzzling to me. I would have a really hard time with that.

Do you know if she is qualified in the area of trauma/PTSD?

I would be pretty thrown, too, but I don't necessarily think she's not a fit based on one session. Did you get a consultation/interview with her before this session? It's very important for me to get an interview with a T to grill him/her about important treatment questions. It makes me feel in control and gives me the space to ask lots of questions that I may not want to ask once this person becomes My Therapist. Dunno if that makes sense but I hope it helps.

I'm wishing you the best of luck. It sounds like therapy has been rough lately. Hugs if you accept them (((Fadeaway))).

 

[greenleaf]

It is hard to know what was going through her mind. She might have had a 2 hour meeting, another 5 clients later, and most days would be more communicative...

A possible red flag for me, though, would be if she won't really communicate what she is doing and have your agreement on lots of issues, but rather is the *one in control*, with you as *the patient* who should accept the *proper treatment*.

While I recognize that there are tricky problems in such full communication, because, well, we do tend to have issues :confused::rolleyes:.. I also strongly feel that for a lot of us, us having as much control as is safe -- in a good therapeutic relationship with someone knowledgable about trauma -- can be a crucial part of healing.

DBT is not what everyone needs; everyone is different, so I'd think she'd get to know you before starting in with those methods, and you should be informed about any treatment she is going to use.

Generally though I tend to find my "gut feelings" pretty accurate... even if my own issues are influencing my perception of a person, my first impressions are usually a good indicator of how I'll emotionally feel about the person for a while, at least, if not long term -- so for a T it seems to work well for me to trust my gut.

 

[joeylittle]

It was an intake, not an appointment; I understand that she didn't want to get too far into things, but it's poor communication that she didn't tell you that.

A better way to frame the question for any therapist is, "under what circumstances would you decide to terminate therapy with a client?" It's a neutral question, and it's the information you are looking for. They will probably give a short list of things, and you ask follow-up questions.

 

[Kintsugi]

Going off of @joeylittle, I had my first session with a T this week, and before I even went she sent me her policies and informed consent documents. Enclosed there were her policies about why she might decide she could no longer treat a patient and the types of recourse she uses in such situations (such as referring other Ts that might be qualified and helping transition).

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Hi @Fadeaway,

@greenleaf put it very nicely.

I had a negative experience with a therapist who couldn't listen to my concerns and the whole experience was very traumatic for me. She would try to be the one in charge. Since I have developmental trauma I wanted to work on learning to experience and express feelings instead she tried to fix my feelings.

With my new therapists I was able to tell her about my previous experience with a therapist and what I want from her: validation of my feelings and experiences. She doesn't agree or disagree but instead she helps me understand my experiences. For example, I told her that my previous therapists was trying to fix my feelings and I didn't like it. She didn't attack the previous therapist but instead she validated my experience by saying and as a child you were not allowed to experience your feelings and the same thing was happening with your therapists.

Also, I finally started being able to cry and experience sadness during our sessions. She would say "it is very brave of you to do this" and ask me how I feel about it. I would tell her I think it is weak to cry and she would say that is fine. We even laugh about it. Also, I cannot accept that I am a good person. When she says that I get very defensive even act like a child and say "What do you want from me?" and she would say it is OK not to be able to accept that. After that I feel relieved. I've come to trust her and I feel comfortable discussing a lot of issues without being judged or told I should not do this or that or how to behave or not behave. As @greenleaf said, I am in control, I feel safe, and I can feel anything. I can be anxious, I can be childish, I can be defensive and that is OK. I can say that I don't want to talk about something, I can say that I am feel uncomfortable when she says or does something and that is fine.

I am guessing, regarding your question, my therapist would answer something like: "So you are trying to make a connection between the paper I showed you and your communication with your husband. Is that right?" If I get defensive then she would ask me to notice the sensations in my body. Sometimes, it happens I am just quiet for few minutes and she lets me be quiet. She is trained in experiential therapy like Gestalt and the Hakomi method and uses a client centered approach.