Sufferer Struggling With Ptsd From Domestic Violence

[Bahaba]

Hi, I am new to the forum, I am currently struggling with PTSD from 6 years of domestic violence. I am still married and the violence has stopped for over a year and a half now. However, I am constantly reminded of what happened and I live on edge and feel like im going to snap all the time. Im so depressed and have a hard time doing anything. Anything and everything sets me off, I live in defense mode. I can literally feel my skin crawl. I cant deal with anything. I want to forgive and move on from all that has occured for the sake of my family but I just dont know how to live with this feeling, or how to get rid of it.

 

[shimmerz]

6 years is a long time. How could one forget such a thing? It is no wonder you sound tormented. Are you in counseling? Has your husband taken any responsibility for what he has done to your family because of his actions?

 

[desiderata310]

Forgive me if you've already done some of this...
1. Go to the women's shelter and talk to a court advocate. Get a temporary restraining order
2. Talk with their councelors there if you can't afford one or better yet find a therapist and start working through this. It's not going to go away on its own.
3. Again, use the women's shelter folks and GET THE DIVORCE.
I cried mighty tears of relief when that came through

 

[Deleted member 1860]

A very wise therapist once told me that I would never be able to heal as long as my abuser was in my life. Turns out, she was right.

 

[shimmerz]

I wonder if you have a DV service in the area? They really helped me to see what I was dealing with, when I was dealing with it. Alot of dissonance was happening with me.

 

[desiderata310]

@Solara is soo correct.
Even after I had the full restraining order in place, I don't think I honestly started making headway till he was completely out of my life. The divorce made the difference. Only problem I have now is my name. I have no last name to go to that isn't connected to abuse so I haven't changed it. I don't ususally think about it until someone calls me by my last name...

 

[Bahaba]

We have both been through DV counceling. I dont fear being abused anymore. I just still have constant knee-jerk reactions. Im overly sensitive to everything anyone says and does. My self esteem is completely gone from years of insults, Its hard to forgive when I cant forget all that has been said and done. He has apologised and is trying to make ammends and takes responsibility but my BODY literally isnt allowing it. I have so much anger and hatred toward him, I cant fogive no matter how hard he or I tries. I really want to make the marriage work but I hate who I have become.

 

[Bahaba]

I think the hardest part is that I cant control my feelings. My mind is trying to forgive but the inside of me is literally crawling and feels like lashing out all the time. I waited years for him to stop the abuse and now that it has stopped and we have a chance to make the family work, I just cant get passed the anger and extreme hatred.

 

[shimmerz]

Should you not go to counseling on your own Bahaba? It seems to me like you have real reasons for feeling the way you do. If your husband is taking responsibility he should definitely understand that you have some issues to sort out without him being there. It sounds like you are being really hard on yourself. Have you ever been able to take a holiday on your own and see how your body reacts without the stress of your husband being around?

 

[Bahaba]

I made an appointment with a therapist who specializes in PTSD. I know leaving my husband sounds like the answer, but leaving just adds more stress to my kids. I just wish I could find a way to deal with this without my family suffering anymore heartache and pain. Sure I may feel better not having him around but that just opens the door to more uncertainty Im afraid of. I can leave and feel better myself but add stress to my kids lives. I just feel so torn.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I feel bad that being abused has made you hate who you have become.

I wouldn't be so quick to assume that leaving adds more stress to your kids lives. Chances are that your kids know all about the DV and they see a change in you as a result of the DV.

 

[Friday]

Reconciliation is a gift... Not an obligation.

He may have changed. It does happen. Rare, but it happens. That doesn't mean that he still didn't wait too long to do so. Which is sad for both of you. Sometimes, however, the damage is already done. That's not your fault.

We make a lot of sacrifices for our kids. I stayed in an abusive marriage to protect mine. Others leave to protect them. Some stay in cold and loveless marriages for their kids. Others don't want to teach their children those lessons.

What I have come to learn is that there is no easy answer, much less a "right" answer. The choices we make are all hard, and all have consequences.