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News Child Molester Who Was Mercilessly Beat By Victim’s Dad Finally Learns His Fate

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And instead of indulging his anger at the abuser of his son, and subjecting his son to the further trauma of seeing his father lose it and beat up his perpetrator, the father could have, instead, rung the police and comforted his son.

I think the comforting and the caring for the abused child/son takes precedence of the father/parent expressing his anger and outrage.


His son should have come first.

To me that is concerning.

If the son gets sexually abused again - will he tell his father? Maybe, but also maybe not, because of seeing his father be violent like this. It sets the son up to be exploited and manipulated by fear if another family member or close family friend sexually abuses him. It makes him more vulnerable to abuse, and not less.
 
Ms Spock, post: 840531, member: 4413"]And instead of indulging his anger at the abuser of his son, and subjecting his son to the further trauma of seeing his father lose it and beat up his perpetrator, the father could have, instead, rung the police and comforted his son. I think the comforting and the caring for the abused child/son takes precedence of the father/parent expressing his anger and outrage.His son should have come first. To me that is concerning. If the son gets sexually abused again - will he tell his father? Maybe, but also maybe not, because of seeing his father be violent like this. It sets the son up to be exploited and manipulated by fear if another family member or close family friend sexually abuses him. It makes him more vulnerable to abuse, and not less.

I don't agree with this statement. The molester will go out and do it to someone else but no matter what, the damage has been done!! I don't want the damage done and you bet your butt I'll destroy child molesters who hurt children for their own sexual deviancy. It's SICK....and you need to stop the deviancy before someone else suffers the same fate. Do you want to see another parent or parents to see their child through a lifetime of damage? I don't think so.
 
I respect your point of view @Ladyghosthunter, however it is not a point of view that sits well with me. For instance, if there is good attachment and good enough parenting there will not be a life time of damage. Sexual assault, rape, child sexual abuse, traumas do not automatically mean PTSD or a life time of damage. The majority of child sexual abuse is committed by parents and family members in the child's home. The statistics and research show that as fact. So destroying those child rapists will only put children in a position where they have to endure the sexual abuse for longer periods of time, as they will want to protect their parents, so that attitude enables child sexual abuse to occur, for longer periods, rather than preventing it, but I get that you are so outraged by child sexual abuse that you just want immediate cessation of the sexual abuse of children and monitoring of the child sexual abuse offender, that is not a an unreasonable position at all, and when someone is overwhelmed by child sexual abuse, is quite understandable. However most child rapists, will never come in contact with the courts.

You might find it interesting to read about the dynamics of child sexual abuse in families and the dynamics of incestuous families over the generations and the roles of mothers in incestuous families where the father sexually abuses the children, and the role of the father when the mother is sexually abusing the children. At the very least the non offending parent has to be emotionally unavailable for the child or willing to ignore a child acting out her/his distress. If we could, as a society, engage with those dynamics in a considered and thoughtful fashion I believe that we could actually stop/prevent child rape within a generation.

My father would have beaten the living daylights out of anyone who sexually abused his children as well, but reasons different from being a parent who is allegedly protecting their children. And the man who reacted and beat the child rapist - does he beat his child that way? I know that mine did. I don't think it models good behaviour to the child and it doesn't immediately provide soothing, care, containment, healing, acknowledgement, love, honouring and containment to the sexually abused child. The predator met their needs for power through using the child sexually, then the father used violence to meet his needs to express his anger over what happened to the child. It is not putting the child at the centre of the equation. The child comes out second best in both circumstances.

I would literally come home from school, sleep in the afternoons and then stay up all night to stop my father from sexually abusing my sisters and brothers. I spent more than a decade of my life literally running interference stopping my father from sexually abusing children in our social network. I was not always successful but I stopped a lot. I was exhausted from protecting my sisters and brothers. My mother and the other members would sit around saying how disgusting child sexual abuse was, and would talk to us about stranger danger, and say sexual abusers deserved whatever came their way - so they entered the dialogue which tricks people in to thinking they are engaging in productive conversation about child sexual abuse. My mother would also stand outside my door and talk to the other children telling them that I was okay, whilst my father was raping me - so those 'outraged' attitudes enabled a feeling of "Oh I am a good person, I am against child sexual abuse," without literally engaging in the child sexual abuse occurring in the family and home.

I am trying to name a disconnect about child rape in our society. However I respect that this thread is not really about that, it is more people saying how upset they are about child sexual abuse, which is understandable. People are at different places around child sexual abuse at different times of their lives which depends what child sexual abuse they have lived through in their lives.

I have seen male and female child rapists will use the discussion "that any child molesters deserve any violence conversation" to assess the connection people have with their own children and the children in the social network. If people talk about it without a connection to their children and the reality of child sexual abuse mostly happening in children's home then they begin their grooming process. So there is an important child protection issue connected to this discussion which often gets lost or not threshed out.
 
[QUOTE="Ms Spock, there is an important child protection issue connected to this discussion which often gets lost or not threshed out.[/QUOTE]

The only child protection issue is to protect your children no matter what it costs. In CA, there was a woman, Ellie Nestler, who killed a molester in court who hurt her son and went to prison for it, despite her cancer. She did the right thing and nothing with CPS (child protective services) is either accurate nor adult proof. I despise papers that say "restraining orders" or anything having to do with protection of any entity. It's just a piece of paper, not a weapon to defend your children from harm.
 
I do have children and have worked hard to share with them the dangers of abuse, and the physical and mental manipulations of abusers. We have conversations about these topics regularly and enough dialogue on uncomfortable issues that they know they will be listened to no matter how painful the conversation. They also know that my main abuses took place with relatives, and friends of said relatives. We have a network of vigilance in place, maybe too much in some ways. We have safety words, are careful who we leave the children with, and have really frank discussions about life, sexuality, and personal choice. I'm certainly not parent of the year and never will be, but we've ended the cycle of secrecy in our family, and that is one thing I'm proud of.

Still, I believe that bastard got what he deserved, and hopefully that poor boy is getting help and knows that his dad cares about him and did the best he could given the situation.
 
@Ladyghosthunter I appreciate very much that you said that! I'm a good-some-days-bad-other-days mom. I often joke about whether we can predict what they'll need therapy for. ;) The one thing I can say is that the kids know every single day and night that they are loved, they are such wondrous unique souls, I'm blessed to have them! :hug:
 
I wanna adopt 9 kids who need a Mom and a friend who can help them through the tough times. I don't need a man to help me raise them however that would help some IF they understood what I have. I have HUGE dreams....HUGE HUGE dreams....
 
My abuser was my mthr (who was sadistic), so I would very much like to thank the people here who took the time to mention that not all SA are men. Especially the commenters who haven't been abused by women. Having this validated by other survivors is more healing than you can ever know. I've spent my whole life, until recently, feeling that I wasn't even entitled to be a member of the survivor community - or at least not when I mentioned that it was my mthr who was the abuser. And I've had the MOST insensitive questions and comments asked when I've disclosed, all trying to mitigate her responsibility, and minimize my trauma. If your abuser is female, or at least that's been my experience, it seems the sympathy and latitude always goes to her no matter how vicious or violent she is.

Ms. Spock,
I've read about the characteristics of mothers who allow their husbands to sexually abuse their children, but I don't believe I've come across anything that discusses the characteristics of fathers who allow their wives to sexually abuse. Not to pull this thread OT, but would love to hear about any references you've found.

One thing I've found (I could be mistaken about this, just the trend I'm seeing to this point) is that most 'decent' men WILL NOT stand up to women, probably from socialization I would imagine, but therefore as a result won't step up to protect children from them. I'm not talking about individual cases, I'm speaking more from a societal level. As a survivor, I would have loved nothing more than to have someone come in and pound the crap out of my mthr, but that seems to be only something we ever consider for male abusers (again, I could be wrong about that, but it's the pattern I'm seeing). If this scenario were changed so that the father came in and found a woman abusing his son that way, I very much doubt it would have gone the same way, and I'm pretty certain charges would have been laid if he had. I don't know what kind of a comment that makes about his ability to control himself or not. I do know, as a survivor, I wish someone had beaten the cr*p out of my mother (even killed her, frankly), and then turned around and attended to me and MADE SURE that I was safe. We only ever seem to give lip service to ensuring children are safe. But I also recognize the danger in that attitude.

Ms. Spock, I really (really, REALLY) agree with most everything you've said. I wanted to reply specifically to your point about predators using 'I'M REALLY AGAINST CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE' as a cover for their own perpetration, and how they can use that to test out potential victims (or rather, their families).

That's absolutely brilliant, and a version of that was true in my family (but I'd never recognized it that way before). Gives me so much food for thought, takes my mind in a million directions re: where else is that pattern going on. I think that deserves its own thread - at least I'd like to read more about it. Thank you for posting it.
 
@BF-DR I haven't read about the dynamics of fathers that enable the mothers in the family to sexually abuse - it was something I extrapolated from my other readings, but I did a quick search and found this.

http://www.theravive.com/research/Families-of-Sexual-Abuse:-The-Roles-Each-Member-Plays

HISTORIC SEXUAL ABUSE
MOTHERS
According to Martens and Associates (2011) 90% of women in relationships with men where the man abuses their child were also sexually abused as children. Data collected from the sexual abuse treatment centers associated with Martens and Associates states that 65% of women who were sexually abused also became offenders. Women often sexually abuse during teen and early 20’s and then they usually stop. Mathews, F. (1996) also states that many self report studies show a high percentage of men say they were sexually abused by women. He adds that a high proportion of rapists, sex offenders and sexually aggressive men state they were also sexually abused by women when they were young. If a woman was abused and hasn’t dealt with the abuse, it will be significantly more difficult for her to believe, help and support her daughter if her daughter discloses abuse because her daughter’s abuse will trigger memories of her own abuse. If the mother was not only abused, but also became an offender, she is even less likely to believe her daughter as she in not only in denial of her own abuse but also her own offending.

FATHER
90% of regressed sex offenders were sexually abused and virtually all were abused in some way; physically, sexually or emotionally and were discouraged or not allowed to express their emotions. According to Martens and Associates data, the two most common offenders who offended against these regressed sex offenders when they were children were their sisters or aunts. Women were the common offenders who abused these men who then, in turn, abused against their own daughters (Martens and Associates, 2011). Mathews, F (1996) states that boys who were abused by women, if in turn, they become offenders, almost exclusively offend against females.
 
And I am busy working so I can't go in to this now, but this might interest some readers of this thread.

SUMMATION
The victim will not tell authorities because of society’s perception that offenders are horrible creatures. The victim is not going to turn in her father, the only one who seems to love and care for her, to people whom she believes hate and despise him. Helping families of sexual abuse starts with understanding the family dynamics and the perception of each family member. Showing the victim that her father made horrible choices but, ultimately, is understood and can get help will increase the likelihood that she will tell.

http://www.theravive.com/research/Families-of-Sexual-Abuse:-The-Roles-Each-Member-Plays
 
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