Supporter Advise For Dating A Man With Ptsd

[Help Please]

I am dating a man with PTSD it seemed to be just some small issues with crowds and flying and sitting to see the door in any dining spot. It didn't seem to be to much more than quarks to just keep in mind. His sister was killed by a hit and run last month and he has been off ever since. I expected him to be this way for a while it's only natural after such a serious sudden loss. He works on the road and I went to see him a week ago and he seemed to be doing ok. He just wasn't into a lost of sight seeing and just some walking eating movies etc. a couple days after we had a call and he was working an overnight and double shift in the am. He said I love you and I'll text you when I'm at the hotel safe. I didn't hear from him for 3 days. I thought something serious happened or he was possibly dead. He had never gone a full day with no contact ever. When he called he let me know he was having issues with his PTSD he knew something was wrong an has an appt next week to see a doctor at the VA facility. He then let me know he can't concentrate on anything and he saw me calling and texting and could not pick up the phone. He also let me know how much he cares, loves and is in love with me but the broke up because he says he not write??? We continued the conversation at night where I had time to seek advice from a friend. My fried believes I should not accept this from him because its a reaction to his issues and docent really want that and docent know how to cope at the moment. I should stick in there and wait. We have had more conversation over the last few days and I let him know I don't want to give up on him and I'm here for him. I even asked him, is it ok with you if I don't give up on you? he said yes. I've also been sending creative selfie pics thinking he likes my art funny side and can get a chuckle. The other thing I've been trying is sending pictures of us and our fun adventures like our green face masks or the beach or silly face pics... etc. After speaking to him he said they are nice and he like them. I know I'm speaking with logic to someone that might not be very rational at the moment. Is there any thing else I can do to help him. He is such a beautiful person I'm thinking the loss of his sibling is the trigger setting him off. He even stated that he doesn't understand why he's alive and his sibling is not.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome to the forum, @Help Please - I think you will find both the Supporters section and the PTSD relationships subforums really helpful.

I also want to say - his sister was killed a month ago, and that can be more than enough to cause anyone to go into extended grief, let alone someone who already has PTSD.

it seemed to be just some small issues with crowds and flying and sitting to see the door in any dining spot. It didn't seem to be to much more than quarks to just keep in mind.

This kind of stuff might seem small to someone on the outside, but you should start getting used to the fact that these aren't quirks, they are symptoms. It's a testament to the amount of work I'm guessing he's done that he can manage himself so well. But if you are serious about staying with him (and it sounds like it), you'll definitely want to do a great deal of learning about the disorder. So, you've come to the right place!

This is one good place to start: Understanding PTSD

 

[intothelight]

@Help Please Welcome and you have been referred to some great areas on this forum for information. Being in a relationship with someone with PTSD requires a lot of patience and the ability not to take everything personally. Recovery takes time and there are a lot of ups and downs.

 

[Lem]

Hey I am engaged to a PTSD vet and I'm learning from this site that a lot of what I thought was just him is actually symptoms. He lost his uncle a week ago and has watched him pass away for the last month and is currently going off the rails a little. PM if you like. I'm finding that a lot of the stuff with normal guys doesn't apply to PTSD and your probably going through the same argument with logic. I'm also learning that the supportive nurturing side of me actually makes it worse. When he disappears mentally or physically my attempts at being sweet seem to act like me forcing my presence on him. Its tough because I had been doing what you are. Trying to do things for him and remind him how much I love him and I think that in itself was more stress. What seems to help isbme telling him I've read up on it and staying calm and not letting him see it hurts me. When he got upset I just sat there holding his hand, he says the questions and the decisions are too much. If he's taken off he's trying to protect you both. I'm figuring out now that I need to learn an alternate coping strategy to these freak outs than treating him like he can deal with my emotions too. It seems like in reality when its too much he cant deal with more than himself. Venting on here has helped a lot and some of the members have amazing insight. Read up on it and try and understand how he is dealing with it. @owl1982 gave me some amazing insight into the pressure not hurting me causes. It makes sense that if he doesn't want to be a burden to you then by doing thatbhes adding more stress to already too much.
Anyway sorry about the rant. Message me if you need. A lot of random things keep coming up and before I react I've been checking and most of the ways he is currently hurting me is PTSD and lines up with what he says.