Therapy Anticlimatic

[Chava]

It's okay to ask for structure or direction. Also, I often e-mail my therapist a thought about something I want to bring up but am sure I WON'T. She does a great job of bringing it up for me, then letting me know it's still my choice if I want to talk about it. Or maybe you could write a few things down through the week and give to your therapist. I tend to space out easily (talk therapy just wasn't even worth it for me...doing somatic/body psychotherapy), but it's been helpful to stick through the difficult points and ask my therapist for more direction sometimes.

 

[Born to Run]

@GWhizz Your second post does make sense to me. Could you email her the essence of this post? It could clarify what you think that she thinks and if that is indeed what she thinks, and you make clear to her what happens to you. On the other hand if you feel the whole team is not supportive it may not be the right place for you.

 

[GWhizz]

She doesn't do email unfort. I think there are very strict boundaries in her workplace because it's a public service and for confidentiality also.

It's just so frustrating.

With my last T, when I did manage to speak or to email or text her about something, I would have huge regrets about my disclosure and wish I'd trusted myself in the 1st place to not speak. Is there something in that? The trusting one's instinct to not discuss it. Or is it all just part of avoidance and the fear instilled in me as a child by my abusers? I'm really confused right now.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think that is avoidance talking, GWhizz, but I also think your last T maybe could have done a better job making sure you did not feel that way, or maybe that feeling in itself could have been a month of conversation. I know it could be for me.

I used to keep a journal between sessions of all the crap that came up as it came to me. Then, I would read my journal out loud for nearly the first third or even half of the session. I think this was really valuable. Sometimes we didn't do the journal, if I couldn't handle it or didn't have a lot of material that week, and that's okay too. I have a much easier time reading something off a page than talking about it off the cuff. It's like, if I have a script, I'm not sitting there, staring at the T like a deer in the headlights of a Hummer, faintly calling in my head, Line, please? *gulp*

 

[watundah]

I like the journal idea. I woke up last night and started writing in a journal about the bad memories that came to me this week. I am thinking of taking this to therapy. I sometimes think my T likes to stay in the now vs rehashing the past. So I wonder if I should take it in...Im not a good talker but it could get the ball rolling.

 

[Kintsugi]

Not trying to threadjack, just wanted to say I did this because I was bad at talking, so I would read, and then I would finish reading, and then I would close the journal, and the staring contest would commence until my T picked up the ball I had started rolling and served it back to me in the form of questions. :D

 

[ghotiff]

With my last T, when I did manage to speak or to email or text her about something, I would have huge regrets about my disclosure and wish I'd trusted myself in the 1st place to not speak. Is there something in that? The trusting one's instinct to not discuss it. Or is it all just part of avoidance and the fear instilled in me as a child by my abusers? I'm really confused right now.

I don't think its avoidance because you did do it, and later regretted it, so you have learnt that this is not a good approach for you right now.

Maybe write it and see if you can read it to your T, and if you can't then discuss that you can't and work through getting to the point that you can.

I still regret things I let my first T read, I've now told some of these to my current T and I have cringe feelings about it, but not regret. Regarding my cringe feelings I don't wish I didn't tell her, I just wish the events I shared never happened....and I didn't even say it, just alluded to it...