I agree. I don't so much feel l'm faking anything as much as I feel fundamentally screwed up and alien within myself. This is all really validating.
So I'm still reading the Van Der Kolk book (amazingly focused today...because I'm avoiding other work :rolleyes:)
He describes three states of safety (originally described by Stephen Porge). First level response when we do when threatened: turn to others for help (social engagement system). If nobody answers or helps, or if we are in immediate danger, we revert to a more primitive response...fight or flight. But if we can't fight or flee, we preserve ourselves by shutting down (freeze, collapse).
So I had probably too many early experiences that wired me to respond by shutting down because the other options weren't available...and I continue to do this when stressed. I am working on connecting and also asking others for help, but that in itself is extremely hard and often triggering. So it might be more about just unfreezing this baby EP self and working on the connection level.
Along with these three safety responses, Porge described his polyvagal theory. The ventral vagus nerve (10th cranial nerve) connects our social engagement capacity to our ears, heart, lungs, throat...travels from both ears, down the neck and into our center. The dorsal vagus nerve facilitates total shutdown if needed. Also explains why I can't eat when upset.
In my last therapy session I used a tuning fork to help stay alert and somewhat safe. This allowed me to stay a little bit more connected to my therapist. Shaky but connected. We know that just listening to music activates many parts of the brain simultaneously. Simple sound vibrations might not be the same but I think probably have more potential for vagal nerve stimulation and very primitive safety (it feels so good to hold a low tuning fork to my sternum because it resonates in my bones and follows that path up to my inner ears...extremely calming).
Music and sound healing can't cure PTSD but I'd love to see more research on it as a tool. In my little experiments it relates well to what Van Der Kolk talks about....music and rhythmic activity with others (like tossing a ball) helps pull brain out of shutdown. Peter Levine has described using chanting to soothe and activate the vagus nerve.
I'm wondering/sensing that I also can't force connection from shutdown...but sound (and maybe other things if I keep experimenting) can help my body experience more time online...which would supposedly make connecting with others seem less impossible at some point. I want to be hopeful.
So I'm sort of off on a tangent. But I guess trying to understand the tricky shutdown EPs...and yes it helps a lot to know that many areas of the brain have decreased activity in these situations. We can't talk through these times. But it's helpful to find tools to prevent total shutdown if we feel ourselves going that way...or easily accessible tools to revive ourselves when necessary.
So I'm still reading the Van Der Kolk book (amazingly focused today...because I'm avoiding other work :rolleyes:)
He describes three states of safety (originally described by Stephen Porge). First level response when we do when threatened: turn to others for help (social engagement system). If nobody answers or helps, or if we are in immediate danger, we revert to a more primitive response...fight or flight. But if we can't fight or flee, we preserve ourselves by shutting down (freeze, collapse).
So I had probably too many early experiences that wired me to respond by shutting down because the other options weren't available...and I continue to do this when stressed. I am working on connecting and also asking others for help, but that in itself is extremely hard and often triggering. So it might be more about just unfreezing this baby EP self and working on the connection level.
Along with these three safety responses, Porge described his polyvagal theory. The ventral vagus nerve (10th cranial nerve) connects our social engagement capacity to our ears, heart, lungs, throat...travels from both ears, down the neck and into our center. The dorsal vagus nerve facilitates total shutdown if needed. Also explains why I can't eat when upset.
In my last therapy session I used a tuning fork to help stay alert and somewhat safe. This allowed me to stay a little bit more connected to my therapist. Shaky but connected. We know that just listening to music activates many parts of the brain simultaneously. Simple sound vibrations might not be the same but I think probably have more potential for vagal nerve stimulation and very primitive safety (it feels so good to hold a low tuning fork to my sternum because it resonates in my bones and follows that path up to my inner ears...extremely calming).
Music and sound healing can't cure PTSD but I'd love to see more research on it as a tool. In my little experiments it relates well to what Van Der Kolk talks about....music and rhythmic activity with others (like tossing a ball) helps pull brain out of shutdown. Peter Levine has described using chanting to soothe and activate the vagus nerve.
I'm wondering/sensing that I also can't force connection from shutdown...but sound (and maybe other things if I keep experimenting) can help my body experience more time online...which would supposedly make connecting with others seem less impossible at some point. I want to be hopeful.
So I'm sort of off on a tangent. But I guess trying to understand the tricky shutdown EPs...and yes it helps a lot to know that many areas of the brain have decreased activity in these situations. We can't talk through these times. But it's helpful to find tools to prevent total shutdown if we feel ourselves going that way...or easily accessible tools to revive ourselves when necessary.
