Structural Dissociation?

[Chava]

This is really interesting (followed this link @shimmerz )....too many new concepts for me to follow easily. But it's very interesting stuff. I do know about this younger, immobilized part....that's also the part that was willing to be anorexic-to-the-death. Very "gone". But my outward personality, who I am to most of the world, is probably a strong part of myself I developed to placate my abuser and make them smile or laugh or feel good about me.

So, I don't totally know who the real me is because this all happened so early. I don't have a very consistent "self" in relation to others. Alone, it's a highly nerdy and curious self, even playful and other good things. Once in a while I do find a good friend who seems to let me feel like I can be this version of myself. But I still always have some detachment and bits of this detached-but-placating sort of personality. With people I feel less comfortable around I can be bizarrely different. I even realize I might be confusing. Over-confident and humorous or extremely quiet...withdrawn and awkward. I've avoided lots of social stuff I used to do partly because I creep myself out. I want to figure out who I am aside from whatever I was doing before.

If we never developed a core self in relationship to anyone else, how the hell do we do that as adults? (okay, I don't really expect an answer, but I think that's the big puzzle for me).

 

[shimmerz]

If we never developed a core self in relationship to anyone else, how the hell do we do that as adults?

That's why I posted my Self posting.
I think we all have a SELF. I think the idea is to merge the ANP's and EP's into SELF. I believe that is the way to integration. See? Simple! :p

 

[shimmerz]

It is dangerous for me because I also take on other people's energy...but it has enriched my life as much as it has exhausted me.

This is key I think. It is because we haven't actually attached to our SELVES. So we need to tap into other's energies. I think for me it is because I need to make sure people are 'safe'. A hypervigilence that I don't even notice. I am finding that now that I am more attached to my SELF, I don't have to really worry about other people. There is like a boundary (that I should have had all of my life) that allows me to see others as others without having to take in their energy.

 

[Chava]

There must be a way to put one of us in a tube and have all those parts just squeezed together. Then bake for an hour at 100.

 

[shimmerz]

put one of us in a tube and have all those parts just squeezed together. Then bake for an hour at 100.

Are you volunteering @Chava? :laugh::hilarious::roflmao:

 

[Chava]

If I can get my 4-year-old-"f*ck-it-I-don't-give-a-shit" on board, we'll probably do it. :woot::eek::notworthy::mad::bored::sorry:

 

[shimmerz]

4-year-old-"f*ck-it-I-don't-give-a-shit"

lol lol lol. If only we could call them up on demand! :rolleyes:

 

[Chava]

I think my 4-year-old bought me a pack of cigarettes. Adult me chews Nicorette these days. In any case, nicotine injects life into the littlest one (she was nicotine-withdrawing after birth and left alone in an incubator for a long time because her lungs weren't ready for the world). Basically, I know we all want a cigarette. Like 3 people trying to quit. :hungover::wtf::banghead:

 

[shimmerz]

Basically, I know we all want a cigarette. Like 3 people trying to quit.

lol lol lol. You crack me up! You have just given me a MOST excellent reason not to quit! If all my parts aren't on board what is the purpose of putting myself through the agony of quitting! Thanks Chava!

 

[Chava]

Baby wants Marb Reds. 4-yr wants to roll her own damn-it! Well she probably wants weed, Adult self wants an e-cig but those aren't workim so well

 

[Ronin]

I have the opposite situation, I still haven't found one pack wee!me hid. Back in the day booze was a no go, smokes were a no go, I'm not even arguing that part of my head with what's totally a safe choice because they're apparently upholding old taboos just well. Reckon it's praiseworthy but it's cracking me up so hard.

 

[Hope4Now]

There must be a way to put one of us in a tube and have all those parts just squeezed together. Then bake for an hour at 100.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: Love this.

Yes...the key would be to get the parts lined up in just the right way so when they fuse back together again we're the person we were meant to be?!