Nervous Tick Appeared Right When I Thought I Was Doing Good

[ll927]

Hey everyone

I thought i was doing great, i was pretty much housebound for a long time, leaving just for the absolute essential. Then a couple of weeks ago i had to move. I moved pretty much by myself, i was doing really great under the pressure. I even started talking to a guy (alot of my problems come from an emotionally, physically and sexually abusive relationship), and for like a week or so i was doing great, i thought it was all behind me. I was being active and doing everything i needed to, getting out of that 'look at that wall all day' rut. But since last week i seem to have developed a nervous tick. I close my left eye at random situations. I know its psychological because it happens when i think of something i don't wanna think about. I've always had minor ticks, like if i was watching a movie, and the person is doing something bad, that i would also do but wouldn't admit to, my leg would move. Then when things were really bad, my right arm moved alot and my face would turn to the left dozens of times a day. Also my hands would get into this weird 'claw' shape. These went away, just the leg thing happens every now and then. Now, when i thought i was doing great, this damn tick appears. I try for it to not happen in public, but it definitely happens, I can't help it. I'm thinking maybe i wasn't doing as great as i thought, maybe i've been repressing everything and that led to the tick.

What do you guys think i should do? Will this go away by itself like the others did? The one with the arm and the face to the left thing i was able to control in public because they were large movements, but this one is so tiny for some reason it happens before i think to control it. Its really messing with me. It also happens way more often than the others did. I'm not in therapy because honestly i can't afford it, so this isn't a medication side effect for all i take is propranolol 10mg for a mitral valve prolapse, that i've taken for over 7 years, a calcium supplement and vitamin c.

Also yesterday i went grocery shopping, i was talking to the security guard for him to activate the cigarette machine and i guess i must've been in her way so this damn woman thought it was okay to grab my hip for me to move. People touching me really freaks me out so i had a little meltdown at the grocery store. So i'm definitely not better like i thought. Also I've been having more nightmares again, and i still startle like no one i've ever seen. And this 'im doing great' phase came along with incredible forgetfullness, i forget about everything and i'm always late and a generally confusing messy person. I used to remember everything and be early to everything. I feel like i'm a little senile. Is this a bad phase coming? I'm feeling really lost...

Sorry for the wall of text

 

[shimmerz]

What do you guys think i should do?

Watch it, see if there is a pattern to it. What is it trying to tell you? (I know that sounds stupid). I feel like somatics is a language ... that it is relaying something to you.

I would normally ask if you were on different meds or dosages of meds because tics can be a side effect of those, but it sounds like this has been going on for a while.

 

[illusionist]

Like you, I am not on any medication and have found, by watching my symptoms over the years, that they do start up, along with the other symptoms you describe, previous to a bad phase coming. I find that once shit hits the fan my ticks stop...it's like the ticks come when I'm suppressing or trying to suppress my symptoms. I use these signs to prepare for the coming week or two ( generally) so that I have as little added stress as possible so that I recover more quickly. The ticks start off slowly then become more regular....a sign, to me, that I'm closer to a flair up.

How strange you speak of the claw shape with the hands....that's something I get.....not a clue where it comes from.

 

[ll927]

Watch it, see if there is a pattern to it. What is it trying to tell you? (I know that sounds stupid). I feel like somatics is a language ... that it is relaying something to you.

I would normally ask if you were on different meds or dosages of meds because tics can be a side effect of those, but it sounds like this has been going on for a while.

Thank you so much. You're totally right. That once worked for a previous tick, the face to the left and right arm moving. (I guess i should've added this to the post) It was so specific i analyzed where it came from, made total sense and quickly faded away. This one seems to come out of nowhere, as far as I can tell, it's just saying 'we don't want to think about this, lets distract you by moving your face'

Like you, I am not on any medication and have found, by watching my symptoms over the years, that they do start up, along with the other symptoms you describe, previous to a bad phase coming. I find that once shit hits the fan my ticks stop...it's like the ticks come when I'm suppressing or trying to suppress my symptoms. I use these signs to prepare for the coming week or two ( generally) so that I have as little added stress as possible so that I recover more quickly. The ticks start off slowly then become more regular....a sign, to me, that I'm closer to a flair up.

How strange you speak of the claw shape with the hands....that's something I get.....not a clue where it comes from.

Oh wow, thank you so much for your reply. That makes alot of sense, that's exactly what i was dreading. It's a bad phase coming...That's good though, that at least we can prepare ourselves, make arrangements to be home for a while...That makes me feel better in a strange way, at least (hopefully) this wont be a long term thing. I have enough social problems I really don't need a facial tick to make it worse... I already had the feeling it was coming from supressing everything, as I have been strangely well for the last few weeks, i knew deep inside it was too good to be true..

And yeah, the claw thing is really weird, it happens to me if i'm having a flashback or something really triggers me. I don't know where it comes from either, i guess its just a contraction, a form of recoil or defense without moving your whole body. Thank you, really, it really helps to know i'm not alone with these weird symptoms. I'm sort of new at this, i've only been acknowledging my trauma for a relatively short amount of time (~8 months), even though most of my problems stem from childhood issues. Before learning about ptsd i thought i was just a weird girl with bad luck, unfortunately it's all too common..

 

[illusionist]

I am really only learning myself from this very forum. I've had a lot of light bulb moments that have explained a lot of what I've experienced over the years. My coping skills have been learned through trial and error.....luckily the worst of my symptoms only appear maybe twice yearly, for a short blast now. When I do collapse I tell myself that it's only going to be for a short period, don't expect too much of myself and just allow things to be the way they are......rather than do what I used to do..which took a lot longer to get over as I added more stress, and that prolonged my symptoms...a vicious circle.

I am sure you will find a lot of help on here to find the best way for you of moving forward through these times.....and like myself, have fewer bad outbreaks. Even in the good periods I've learned to prolonged them by good self care, positive thinking, and questioning my thinking......they are a must, for me...they have become almost instinctive now.

 

[ll927]

Thank you so much for your kind words, @richter scale . It really helps

 

[greenleaf]

I have been thinking that it could be so helpful to have these (somatic?) experiences written down in more "official" sorts of places, and correlated somehow with whatever the heck they are.

The fear of the somatic experiences is sometimes worse (for me anyway) than the experience itself. The lack of connection with anyone else's experience feeds into my isolation problems too. I'm glad this forum exists and has various posts where people compare symptoms... so helpful.

Things like panic attacks now have symptom lists available all sorts of places. As terrible as the panic attacks are, the sufferers who see the list can get a clue that they are not crazy, what is probably going on with them, what might help... they are not an alien...

I just realized that my hands have sort of been doing a claw thing too; they are very tense in the process, and maybe that's why they are sometimes sore for "no reason"... thank you for your post.