Relationship Moving In.... And Losing Vet Affairs Benefits?

[Friday]

I am worried that the revelation that he will have to tell DVA about the fact that we are in a de-facto relationship sooner rather than later, will send him into a tailspin.

It would send me into one, on this side of the world.

Our VA & your DVA are different creatures, I have no idea what dealing with yours is like... Ours is crazy making. Even for people without PTSD, one often to usually needs an Advocate (and a series of maps and torches, and possibly several years) to navigate successfully.

But aside from 10,000 miles of red tape, it's the idea that I need permission to live my life as I choose (and an idiot's approval at that), coupled with the fear/rage that the same idiot might deny me, or make life incrediably difficult, or -more likely- both... That makes me see red and start breathing fast.

Whether or not someone offered to do what they could on their end for me would help or make it worse (It's my mess to deal with / territoriality + beating myself up over not being able to simply deal with it without needing/ wanting/ being offered help)? Total flip of the coin.

 

[Wastinglight]

Ours is crazy making

My guy would agree with you. The phrase "incompetent wankers" has been used on many occasions in describing them....!

That makes me see red and start breathing fast.

Yep, I fear that this is how my guy feels. I feel like I should be treading very carefully with how I handle this issue. It's tricky, cos on the one hand, I will not be very receptive to him proposing any course of action that makes me feel like the relationship is suddenly moving backwards. On the other, I don't want him to feel pressured to make decisions he's not ready for yet.

The DVA website is pretty clear though. They state in no uncertain terms that "Having entered into a de facto relationship" is on the list of matters that require a person to notify DVA, And then they go on to outline what they mean by a de facto relationship. And we meet the criteria on a number of counts.

 

[Wastinglight]

It would send me into one, on this side of the world.
Whether or not someone offered to do what they could on their end for me would help or make it worse (It's my mess to deal with / territoriality + beating myself up over not being able to simply deal with it without needing/ wanting/ being offered help)? Total flip of the coin.

I am more than happy to help, but I suspect it cause more stress in this particular situation...

 

[anthony]

You can ring DVA yourself, you don't need him to do it. They just won't tell you anything about him or his pensions, is all, unless he has listed you as such a person on his account. Same as most things... but they will tell give you information and more likely specifics if you know such things as his rough enlistment year, discharge year, so forth... as those alone will tell whether he's still on the old DFRDB or MSBS / Comsuper system of entitlements. I believe there is now a newer system again. Typical Government, basically... some white collar worker trying to keep their job and justify themselves by continuously changing the system and its names.

 

[Wastinglight]

Okay, good news (I think). I finally (oh my god it's hard to get through to DVA on the phone!) spoke to someone in Pension Enquiries, and through a process of elimination, we managed to determine that a disability (compensation) pension is not at all affected by the person entering into a relationship, and that it wasn't mandatory to tell DVA about being in a de facto relationship for this reason. The guy on the phone was 100% certain that this was the case for my guy (on the basis that he hadn't served overseas, therefore he was not eligible for a service pension and so it must be a disability pension).

I am a little reluctant to believe the guy, as it wouldn't have been the first time that someone in the public service gave completely incorrect advice regarding financial matters (I remember when I worked for the APS and wanted to transfer temporarily to another agency - I was initially told I would have to resign from my permanent job in order to take on the temporary position! Glad I got a second opinion because that advice was totally wrong!), because the guy didn't ask me about discharge dates or anything. But I hope he's right....

 

[anthony]

Just ring them back next week, as you will get someone new most likely, and ask the same question again... see what answer pops out. Then if the same, ask them where you find that information on their website. It should be there, somewhere. You possibly have enough information to search their site already after speaking with them, to confirm.

 

[anthony]

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