Understood, Rocky, your call. I am the same, even though I've never been in the service. I keep my back to the wall everywhere, very hypervigilant. I jump when the dryer buzzer goes off. I jump when my doctor enters the room. All this even though I know it's going to happen, blah. Even when I hear my husband coming up the stairs, because it reminds me of when I was attacked when I was 11 and my attacker came up to my bedroom. My therapist says my job is to separate the past from the present. Yes, easier said than done.
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- #14
RocketMCInfantry0311
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Hodge,
I do agree with you as well. They always make it sound like a walk in the park. It's great for me my therapist is a former SSGT from the Marine Corps so we both understand the struggles. My Fiance gets very annoyed with me but I can't help it. Everything I learned and adapted to, kept my alive for so long I depended on those instincts and now, I can't kick them for sh*T and it drives me up the wall. I can only imagine how she feels. We never have a normal dinner when we go out to eat because I am always watching people's body language. Always watching people's hands, waist bands, and demeanor. Read them. It is very sad. When I meet someone face to face, within the first 5 seconds, I have already figured out how I am going to kill them if something goes wrong. I used to think what kind of life is that? But, it's what I was trained to do. I'm not sorry for what I did because it has kept us free, but now I am a prisoner of my own body.
Actually, I can kind of relate to what you say, since I've had to defend myself since I was 11, though I was never professionally trained to do so. I just fought men off however I could, by instinct, I guess you could say. And even to this day, though it's probably been about 25 years since I've had a real reason to do so, I still have my back to the wall and still have those instincts and still from time to time replay in my mind how I would fight someone off if I had to.
I guess that's what I was getting it - if you fiance wants to talk to other supporters here it may help her get less annoyed about things that you can't help. There is an excellent video series as well. I think the post is at the top of the supporters relationships forum.
The more she understands about combat PTSD the more she will be able to accept things.
Please don't beat yourself up over not being able to suddenly drop the instincts that literally kept you and others alive.
The more she understands about combat PTSD the more she will be able to accept things.
Please don't beat yourself up over not being able to suddenly drop the instincts that literally kept you and others alive.
Friday
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Corpsman & Medic? After the the USMC?
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- #18
RocketMCInfantry0311
New Here
Hodge,
Will you share your story with me? You do not have to by all means and I do not mean to pry, be rude or disrespectful in any way.
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- #19
RocketMCInfantry0311
New Here
Infantry in the Corps. Medic and Firefighter after the Corps. I apologize Sir. To this day I still call Medics Corpsman.
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- #20
RocketMCInfantry0311
New Here
I do highly appreciate your kind words. I believe with the power of all of the people speaking to me on here, we can fight this beast.
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No worries, Rocky. I have a trauma diary here which you can read if you have premium membership, which I don't at the moment. Otherwise, it's a long story . . . I've been raped four times, assaulted twice, been stalked, and have been emotionally abused by my mother, and witnessed abuse of my stepdaughter from my first marriage. I think that's it in a nutshell. Oh, and being a little kid in Detroit during the riots of 1967 was pretty traumatic, too. But that last is one a lot of my friends, family, and others can claim also. It was like a war zone.
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- #22
RocketMCInfantry0311
New Here
Okay.... So I am a pretty tough man, and I busted out crying when I read that. OMG! I am so so sorry!!! Jesus! Do you remember the rapist names? I have some really good MC brother that could take them out of the playground! OMG I am so sorry!!! You are though as nails!!!! Hugs hugs hugs!!!!
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- #23
RocketMCInfantry0311
New Here
Sorry I don't have prime membership. I was molested by a man when I was a kid. A young boy so I can feel a little how you must feel. I can not say I understand how you have to of felt. OMG I am so sorry again hugs hugs hugs!!! My fiance, well she was also molested as a young child so we have a lot of similar issues. We work together on her's and some of my issues so it makes things kind of easier. I couldn't imagine my life without her and my daughter.
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Friday
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LMAO... No sir, required. Or ma'am in this case. I worked for a living. ;) For a moment there I thought you might have reupped as a filthy squid, and then I was going to have to go and mind my manners. CC & SAR swimmer (mostly) here. Groundpounder off and on for several years after w/ various NGOs doing this and that, but you know where my heart lies. SemperFidelis
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