Out of Body Experiences

[trishok]

When I was a girl of 8 I was raped by an elderly (?50-60 yr old) friend of my grandfather. My brother was sleeping in the other bed in the farmshed where we were on "holiday" with the man. I struggled and screamed thinking I was being murdered. Went on for ages and I wondered how long it took to kill someone. Then I realised I could not die as the man would also kill my 6 yr old brother, I had to stay alive to protect him. Instantly I left my body, and remember that my head was hovering from the corner of the ceiling on top of my brother where he was sleeping. I wanted to flee out of the building, but was forced to stay to protect my brother.
After some time, I remember hearing distant sobbing and shuddering sounds, and thought to myself "someone is crying". At that moment I found myself back in my body lying under the weight of the man, and deep shuddering sobbing sounds were coming from me, and I was like a passive rag doll under the man.
I won't continue here, but I really do need to know if anyone else has had experiences of leaving their body because I am thinking that occasion was the first time that I experienced dissociation.
That was 54 years ago, and the experience of my head and face peering through the ceiling at my brother has been coming back to me often during the past 2 years, after a big "breakdown" where I was dissociating a great deal.
Looking for answers.
Thanks everyone,
Trish

 

[kers]

I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds exactly like dissociation, a way to get through the traumatic experience. The reliving of the experience of feeling like you are watching your brother seems like it's a kind of flashback.

You're not alone with struggling to control dissociation. The more you talk about and process the trauma, the more it will lessen.

 

[nic]

From what you've written, it sounds like dissociation, which is very common during a traumatic event and, (for those with PTSD), after it as well. Many of us on the forum, including myself, dissociate. I did so when I was being sexual assaulted, and I do so now whenever my anxiety peaks or I feel unsafe.

 

[Marlene]

I, too, 'left my body' when I was being sexually assaulted as a child. It was only when I was telling the spotty memories I do have to my therapist that I realized that several of them are from odd, above angles and I can see myself. It never seemed odd (it was just what I remembered) until I spoke it out loud for the first time.

I was told it's very common to dissociate like that during a trauma.

Lisa

 

[trishok]

Thank you both for being so prompt in answering my query - 2 yrs ago my GP told me that I was going through experiences of dissociation and would do so whenever I felt threatened. That is when I realised it had been happening mostly all my life, but I did not have a "name" for it. It was also when I realised the first time was at the time of the out of body experience. That was extreme. Mostly it is just like operating on automatic, or standing beside myself, listening to myself speak but not actually "in sync", as an observer. To others I look "normal" apparently when that is happening.
I waste a lot of time, don't know where it goes.
I don't really know how to process the trauma, I simply state the facts unemotionally in a matter of fact way. That was only one trauma, but I think it was the worst one to that point in my life, and in the events since.
Attended to healing weeks at Mayumarri, Hunter Valley NSW, which deals with helping survivors of childhood and adult trauma to process their feelings, etc. doing inner child work, but somehow I only felt like an observer there too.
Is there a simple way of overcoming this dissociation thing and start achieving just more than drifting through each day?
Trish

 

[brokenchild]

. . .several of them are from odd, above angles and I can see myself. It never seemed odd

All of my memories are like that, even "normal" ones.

 

[2quilt]

I have been told that we disassociate in order to stay alive. We did that during the trauma to live through it.
We are survivors!

 

[Dylan]

HI Trishok,

Wow, I related to this desire! -- "start achieving just more than drifting through each day?"

Morgan created a thread "Grounding and Breathing" that is very, very helpful. Between all the posts, I think we covered most all the tools!

Do you have a counselor or a group to work with? I found that, dissociating being so ingrained for those of us who started it young, it's helpful to have a little...coaching?

Welcome to the forum-
-Dylan

 

[lrs]

When I was really going downhill, in Jan 2002, this did happen to me. I was called into an administrator's office where I worked, and grilled for some missing paperwork. ( I was not the one who lost it ).
I'm standing in the office, this woman is at her desk. My spirit, if you call it that, rose out of my body, and hovered above, and I could look down into the room, seeing both myself and administrator.
That is the only time I recall that happening.

 

[rallynut78]

When I was a girl of 8 I was raped by an elderly (?50-60 yr old) friend of my grandfather. My brother was sleeping in the other bed in the farmshed where we were on "holiday" with the man. I struggled and screamed thinking I was being murdered. Went on for ages and I wondered how long it took to kill someone. Then I realised I could not die as the man would also kill my 6 yr old brother, I had to stay alive to protect him. Instantly I left my body, and remember that my head was hovering from the corner of the ceiling on top of my brother where he was sleeping. I wanted to flee out of the building, but was forced to stay to protect my brother.
After some time, I remember hearing distant sobbing and shuddering sounds, and thought to myself "someone is crying". At that moment I found myself back in my body lying under the weight of the man, and deep shuddering sobbing sounds were coming from me, and I was like a passive rag doll under the man.
I won't continue here, but I really do need to know if anyone else has had experiences of leaving their body because I am thinking that occasion was the first time that I experienced dissociation.
That was 54 years ago, and the experience of my head and face peering through the ceiling at my brother has been coming back to me often during the past 2 years, after a big "breakdown" where I was dissociating a great deal.
Looking for answers.
Thanks everyone,
Trish

I don't know much about this but i heard an interesting radio program that talked about a study done on fighter pilots that have had similar experiences. it might be of some interest to you.

to find it google "radio lab where am i" it's show #204

 

[trishok]

Thanks everyone.
Rallynut, I listened to the radio broadcast, but my experience was different to those described in that I was not looking at my own body, I had fled my body and was forcing myself (head and face only) to stay hovering over my sleeping little brother to watch him and make sure he was safe. I was not looking at myself, but at him sleeping at the other side of the room away from where I was physically. I was conscious that I could not leave altogether because I had the responsibility of keeping him from being attacked and murdered too. I was not focussed on my body, but on him.
When I heard "someone" in distress I became concerned about that person too, and was distracted from my brother by slowly looking towards the sound (my own racked sobbing). I was torn between going to the assistance of the other person (myself) and protecting my brother. In that instant I found myself in my own body and was aware again of all physical sensation.
Perhaps it happened due to blacking out, losing consciousness. I sometimes think I was near death, or had died, and my spirit left my body.
I certainly had no awareness of my own body or what was happening to me, during that time.
Thanks everyone for your input.
Trish

 

[reallydown]

Wow...I guess that's all I have to say. I've never had an out of body expereince like you describe...The closest I got to that was sort of being outside of myself but in a different way...I don't know how to desrcribe it really...I was looking at my limbs but not recognizing that it's me...it wasn't just the typical dissociation that often happens...I thought I was going nuts though so this thread helps me realize that this sort of disconnect...and even more extreme happens to people and that it's normal for those who have ptsd.