Dealing With Visible Scars

[Alysia887]

I have a very large scar on my forehead from my accident that I struggle to accept even 5 years later. Most days I forget it's even there, but the inevitably someone will glance up for just a second and I will be convinced that they are staring at it. I have tried different cover ups, wearing my hair with bangs, but nothing seems to make ME forget that the scar is there.

I would just love to hear how others deal with their visible scars and how we learn to love them. I'll post a picture of what my scar looks like now to give you an idea.

 

[Intrepid]

After a while (more than 5 years) I forgot that I have visible scars. Other people don't forget. They notice, and it makes a difference in how they treat me.

Oh well. Scars are part of who I am.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

How pretty you are and your scar does not make you look bad at all. I really hope that eventually you will come to accept it as a part of you and that you can live with it in peace.

I understand the self conscious part. Perhaps you need more healing over the trauma that caused it. I am wishing the best for you and really, I do not think your scar is that bad. Your beauty still shines through in spite of it. Hugs.

 

[shimmerz]

I think anyone who judges you badly based on your is someone not worth knowing.

 

[intothelight]

@Alysia887 Ultimately how you deal with your scar is incredibly personal and there is no right or wrong. I have a small scar on my chest where I had my port for chemo and those that notice it are other survivors. It has become something that draws other people to me and I to them in a really good way. Perhaps in time your scar can be a way for you to spread the message about ATV safety?

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have cutting scars on my arms, and when I catch people looking at them I make up all sorts of shit. Got caught in barbed wire, defense wounds, pissed off a surgeon, implants etc. People step back after that.

 

[Anrish]

I also have lots of visible scars. I try to hide them because I'm sick of people asking about them - but when someone really likes you he doesn't care about these scars. It's hard to be confident enough to show them and not to justify yourself for them.

 

[Friday]

I would just love to hear how others deal with their visible scars and how we learn to love them. I'll post a picture of what my scar looks like now to give you an idea.

I generally like scars, my own and other people's :) They show us where we've been.

Most of mine aren't visible with clothes on, and I tend to forget about them anyway unless someone mentions it. Oh! That! Yeah.... ABCDEFG. Since most of mine are under clothes, I have a wee bit of a history of half stripping (or all the way stripping) with some people as we do the flirty-scar-treasure-hunt 1-upmanship-game :p Snort. Silliness.

Because of the above ^^^^ ? Several of my boyfriends have been beat to hell and gone. <chuckling> That's how we met, sharing scars & stories. But it only mattered in meeting. After that? Someone else would have to mention it for me to even see the scar, instead of the person behind it. Hell. 2 of them, one of my best loves & worst (course I married that bloke, idiot me), were both severely burned in the face. But their scars didnt matter. They did. Love makes us blind. In more ways than one.

Some of my scars don't make good stories. One of the nice things about getting fat and then not a few times, is that it stretched the scar tissue in such a way that they're pretty unrecognizable, and a few others I've had surgically removed. Do I still have the surgical line? <grin> Yep! And I love it. Because that shows me where I've been twice. Not only the first time, but the second, when I said "f*ck it. Bye bye." :sneaky:

(( <chuckling> I've made a few plastic surgeons blink & actually consider it when I've offered to let them sign the damn thing if they wanted. Lol. They were all concerned with minimizing the new scar, and I couldn't really give a damn if it's minimized or not. I just want the first one gone. Cut "Joe" into me if you like! Although we may have words if your name is Josephina Elizabeth VonRoesthlessberger-Adelbertsmiter the 3rd. LMAO, then again, maybe not. The cursive could be pretty sweet. ))

The scars I have left? Are either there because they're a part of me, and I like it or couldn't care less about it, or are waiting surgery. One of the two. We live in an amazing world where even scars can change shape.

...

The things I tend to get pissy about still, aren't usually attached to visible scars; but are attached in injuries that f*cking hurt. I have a hell of a lot of soft tissue damage... All of which could at least be helped surgically, that I just plain and simple don't have the cash for. There are 3 that have been waiting more than 10 years for me to fix. Sometimes? That's depressing as hell. I was "supposed" to get 1 fixed last spring, and a bunch of nonsense over the winter put the kibosh on that. f*ck. Other times? What an amazing f*cking world we live in where fixing them -even just a little- is even a possibility! And there I go saving again. Because I live in a world where surgeons & techniques exist, which can help. Even if it's just a little bit.

 

[Scarface]

Hi Alysia,

I can relate. I also had a traumatic head wound and now I have a scar on my forehead. I never want to go out in public anymore. Now I have low self-esteem, social anxiety, depression, and general anxiety disorder all because of my facial scar (read my story on my introduction post). I think it's even worse that we are young females and there is so much emphasis placed on looks in our society, especially for women.

How have people treated you differently with this scar? When I am forced to go in public, I have kept mine hidden with hair or a hat, to avoid unwanted questions and judgement. But hiding my face is becoming debilitating and restricting, as I feel like a prisoner in my own body. And as soon as the wind blows my hair the wrong way, I cringe :( it really is no way to live.

 

[Alysia887]

Hi... I'm sorry that we have this thing in common. I know how hard it is to begin to accept the fact that your face is a different face than what you grew up with.

I don't remember a time anyone treated me different because of the scar... But I can remember multiple times where I've seen people look up and then look down really fast and I know what their looking at. I would rather someone just ask what happened then look away and avoid it.

I used to wear bangs to hide the scar. One day it was raining and my bangs don't do good in water and I was forced to just put them up and let the scar free. At first it was hard and I was convinced everyone was staring but as the day went on I became more comfortable with having it out, and eventually even forgot at times it was. I haven't wore bangs since then, and have instead chosen to let it out and just be me. I won't lie and say everyday has been easy. There are days I just stare in the mirror and wonder why me? The accident was enough, why do I have to live with a reminder of it for the rest of my life? But then I try and remember that this doesn't have to be a reminder of the worst day of my life, but a reminder that I survived. We can't change what happened to us and we can't change the fact that it's marked us for life. But we can change how we think about it, that we're proud of it, not ashamed.

I know me saying this won't change how you feel overnight, this has taken me 5 years post accident to get to this point. But please don't let what one day, one moment change how you react to the world. Get out there, get the hair out of your face and I promise that eventually there will be a moment where your having fun and you'll forget it's even there. And then that moment will happen more often. And one day you'll leave the house and it won't be the first thing on your mind.

I hope this helps. Keep talking to me when you're feeling the most down. Trust me I've felt it. I wish I had had someone who had been through it tell me this.

Alysia

 

[Ronin]

I have reclaiming stories about every of them. Of mine, and those dear to me. I also update the story time to time, so it isn't just boring thing sticking with people forever, like that scar might be.

So scars don't bother me. It's the damage done that does. Self loathing & fear & fear I'll hurt people by touching them in spades. Oh ho fuuck. Don't even get me started. But scars themselves? Are roadsigns, where we've been, and hopefully aren't going, or are going with more experience.

 

[renee5g]

My scares cause me great grief, they remind me of the pain of the attack , surgeries and the mental crap.I will have one on my throat if I get the next surgery and I will see it every day.