General Checking In....do I, Dont I??

[Amanda_j]

I'm no longer in a relationship with "my" sufferer, but we have maintained regular contact since he ended it. I still love him even though we are not together, and I didnt want to close the door on him completely. We have talked, as friends, and there was no tension, no expectations. Although he did still tell me that he loves me. Two weeks ago, We had an argument, well he argued, I calmly listened and then responded respectfully. It was almost as if he was trying to get a negative response from me. He was behaving irrationally and taking everything I said out of content, I felt like he wanted me to snap. I didn't. He ended the conversation yelling and swearing and I politely said good night. He was drunk, and clearly not in a good place, so I left it alone. I have sent a couple of messages since then, just checking in and letting him know that I'm still here. He hasn't responded and that's ok. It's the longest we have gone without contact since we met. My questions to other supporters, should I continue to check in with him? But what is too much? How do you know when enough is enough?

 

[OhSoLittleMouse]

The relationship sounds very unhealthy. My from opinion (I have PTSD), I would love to hear that YOU are getting some counselling as to why you want to be in a troubled relationship. That speaks far louder in this situation. I believe that too often folks with a diagnosis use bad behavior to hide behind. Leave him along. His issues are his to figure out. Your issues are your own homework. Best wishes.

 

[Amanda_j]

@OhSoLittleMouse I don't want to be in a troubled relationship, and I'm not, we are not together. I am moving on with my life and he is aware of that. This is the first time he has spoken to me in this way, I won't tolerate it from him again. If he wants my friendship he needs to respect it. His ptsd is not an excuse for his bad behavior, I just didn't see the point to adding fuel to the fire in that situation. I also believe, as humans, we make mistakes, ptsd or not. I have certainly made my fair share. I intend to continue to check in with him occasionally, because I care for him. I was curious to know how long other supporters/ex's/family/friends have continued to do that without receiving any response. I am in counselling, thank you for your opinion and best wishes.

 

[OhSoLittleMouse]

Glad to hear Amanda! For what it's worth, none of my friends of I have keep in contact with any exes we have LOL

 

[Purplemunchkin]

We had an argument, well he argued, I calmly listened and then responded respectfully. It was almost as if he was trying to get a negative response from me. He was behaving irrationally and taking everything I said out of content, I felt like he wanted me to snap. I didn't. He ended the conversation yelling and swearing and I politely said good night.

My hubby does this. Usually when something completely different is bothering him, and he doesn't know how to deal with it. You reacted perfectly. No matter what you said it would probably have been twisted by his brain into something else, and leaving (in my case the room) is the best way to respond.

In my case, hubby will then calm down and eventually come and talk to me about what is really bothering him.

I would suggest you just send an open text saying something like you hope he is doing ok, you're there if he needs to talk, but you don't want to overload him so will leave it for him to contact you when he's ready.