Ptsd What Is The Most Significant Impact In Your Life And The Ripple Effect?

[Deleted member 28740]

I find it hard at times (no always) to separate what is most critical to address and manage in terms of having a functioning life. Focus on this or that, or that. Always something new as my life is delaminating. Bigger pile to dig out from under. Layers building up slogging through the mire.

What core to build, rebuild upon, and how have you done that?

 

[Chava]

Good question. If I understand, for me I'd say the first thing was working on regulation and handling my emotions. I'm still working on it, but my meltdowns are less severe (although I have to stop drinking). After sort of sifting through all the junk and working on so many things (self care, basic survival, all of it...), I do think I see one more major issue/theme...and that is my inability to trust others or connect with others. I just don't get close to anyone and have a really hard time believing they care.

And it's not new, but through therapy I've noticed that for much of my life relationships have been hard because if I feel any bit unsure, either I or the other person feels somewhat unreal...like we can't simultaneously be real. This happens with perfectly kind people.

So after learning how to eat, diminish panic attacks and wanting to set myself on fire (all the survival stuff) I have to figure out how to connect better with others. It's maybe like trying to climb a mountain but I don't even have legs.

This is all the ripple of early trauma...but that wasn't an isolated event. I was isolated from my caregivers for a while, but also neglected and abused by my primary caregiver. As far as ripples, this has been more devastating to my overall quality of life than probably sexual assault or later traumas (though those have negative effects for sure). I often like my independence but it also often feels like it doesn't matter at all that I am alive.

 

[ghotiff]

Really good question.

My biggest frustration is my inability to do "normal" things and my need for constant breaks from doing normal things.

My T however is encouraging me to be okay with my limitations and is challenging me on my inner critic that judges that I'm not doing enough. (I do all the essentials, but that's all).

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I've noticed that for much of my life relationships have been hard because if I feel any bit unsure, either I or the other person feels somewhat unreal...like we can't simultaneously be real. This happens with perfectly kind people.

Yes, true for me also. I seem to have some sort of early warning system/signal. It goes outward though, making and keeping connections has been hard. I know who I am, but it does not translate to outward. Initial like but then at arms length. Makes life very lonely. The what is wrong with me and how can I change, that bashing. I appreciate you so much @Chava.

 

[RussH]

I hate what it has done to me, and the ripple effect is, sometimes I hate myself.

 

[Friday]

I stop being able to function in the world. Survival mode isn't meant to be lived 24/7. Not as the world is. But that's the only world I can live in. Not this one with its insane rules, and clocks, and shallow relationships, where nothing matters. Where I am useless. Worse than useless. A liability.

Even knowing I can come back from this? Knowing I can make a place for myself in this world, and not just that world, because I did it before. Maybe? Shrug. Maybe not this time.

 

[Panda Bear]

I too am frustrated by the constant need to stop and start, my inability to do do normal life things from beginning to end w/o a big fuss :(

The constant need to *reset* my brain so that I can make it through the day. I can go grocery shopping, but only one store. Then I must return home!

Relationships stink, I'm always second guessing the safety, trust level. Reality just doesn't exist in my world, it's all askew, and I worry it will never reach average levels.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I can keep nearly everything locked up on the inside, except my INabilities. The worst part for me is what this is doing to my husband. My kids...I put on the Mom mask and do fairly well. But my DH...I can't fake intimacy with him. I hate how this is hurting him. It's really easy to get into that self-blame (I'M hurting him...that makes ME a perpetrator...he'd be better off, well, you know where that goes).

Thing is, I think we're both hearing that same message in our heads. He seems to think that, because his presence can be such a trigger for me, that I would be better off without him...he feels badly that his touch and presence can cause painful reminders. But it's worth it to face all that in order to have him in my life. I just wish I could get through all this faster...and then I start trying to skip steps, and it doesn't work.

My T says I need to let DH feel his own pain and engage in his own process through this. I can't do it for him, and I can't protect him from reality. But I really want to.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I stop being able to function in the world. Survival mode isn't meant to be lived 24/7

Just got off the Guardian site, and one article drubbed me. About imagination. The light side, not the dark. Open to the the best in us and life not shut down on survival basics.

 

[Rosewater]

Not knowing who I am or what my capabilities are any more.

The ripple effect is it has created a secondary phobia about my workplace and people I work with. It was a dysfunctional place anyway, now I have a hard time knowing how bad the PTSD is or if my problems are "just" an overdue overreaction to working with shitty people who love to fill my stress cup to the brim.

 

[Mallaky]

The inability to focus or concentrate. It just f*cks with everything and its the one thing I truly hope will get better over time. There is not a part of my life that doesnt get severly damaged by that.

 

[renee5g]

I find it hard at times (no always) to separate what is most critical to address and manage in terms...

I feel my entire life,being and self has changed.After the day of attack I didn't work because of my injuries and still can't. I had only been in the hospital for happy things ,children.Now I dread going since I don't know how many more surgeries I'll need.My husband is here but gone,he just can't accept me now.The children get it but feel torn between me and my spouse. So the ripple affect has changed,destroyed and altered everything.