it is really hard when I have been triggered. I may not even realize for hours. I may be upset and not even know why for awhile. But I do get nauseous and my heart pounds outside of my chest nearly. I need a break or time to breath with no worries when I feel that way. I can't help it, sometimes I take my clonazepam during day and instead of one as prescribed for sleep, I sometimes need two. I'm sorry but what shall I do so that my work gets done. I'm still very functional. Just not having as much anxiety. I take my work seriously so this is pretty hard for me when I guess i could get triggered any day. I felt today like I had no control, I had no filter and I just wanted so desperately to be alone but I was in a meeting. I called my P, got in in two days! Hope she can help. Now im really worried about my EMDR therapy tomorrow. I know clonazepam is not helpful when inEMDR therapy.
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I Know My P Doesnt Want Me Taking More Than Prescribed But...
- Post starter Jnean
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The more reason to not over dose.
You need to think clearly to take your meds. Or when not thinking clearly, make it a habit to use them exactly as prescribed.
Work doesn't come before life, or before health, as unbelievable as it probably feels.
Does your EMDR therapist know of your issues with medication?
(Post written in concern & caring, just considering there are many safer alternatives, and not wanting to have you f*ck yourself up by the less safe ones.)
- Post starter
- #3
You are doing your best to soothe yourself when dealing with things you absolutely deserve better soothing with. There's nothing shameful in self-soothing behaviors, nothing to loathe, they just work less or more. This one works less, but that doesn't mean you're stuck with it forever, or that you're stuck forever with all the pain trauma brings.
Good luck on your appointments. Do your best, it's enough. ;)
- Post starter
- #5
Friday
Sponsor
My emergency med script has a very fluid dosing schedule. First off, it's PRN, which means I don't (usually) take it regularly. I also take 5-10mg, when 20-30mg is the actual cap. And I go on voluntary & enforced holidays from it. (Holiday is about as opposite of a word as you can think of for how much fun this is :banghead: )
I do this (short script, and don't take it often) because it's addictive as f*ck.
If I took it as often as I wanted to? Or at a level that did more than take the edge off? I wouldn't have it anymore. Instead of a little bit of borrowed peace, or a desperately needed chemical reset, I'd be shit out of luck.
Been there, and done that. Don't wanna repeat it. I've gone years without meds. Bad years. I know that I can. The seductive nature of meds, though? Means that even if they weren't addictive, the tendency is to have the day of sunshine in winter... Every day. To never learn how to moderate my stress, manage my emotions, shorten my panic and anxiety attacks, learn to master my own mind & heart / retrain how my brain & body respond to things.
While there are lifelong drugs for many disorders? PTSD isn't one of them. There, quite simply, isn't anything out there that is safe and effective long term. The idea behind short term meds? Isn't to be functional on them. It's to save your ass when absolutely nothing else will, and then to back off of them. Learn how to manage symptoms without them.
My suggestion is 2Fold:
1) On the off-prescription use? Wait 5 minutes. Just so that you know that you can. Wait 1 hour. Just so that you know you can. Skip 1 day. Just so that you know that you can. Take a med holiday for a week. Just so you know you can.
Will it suck? Yep. It will. It will hurt, and you'll experience symptoms you've been avoiding, and it will be scary, and awful, and really really shitty.
But you will also know that you have that chemical reset in your pocket. You haven't lost your privileges with it, yet, you've still got it to lean on and you don't have to do this straight, yet. So after hat 5 minutes? You can reset. In an hour? You can reset. Tomorrow? You can reset. Next week? You can reset.
2) Tall with your docs about transitioning off meds. Not looking for a fast wean because you're addicted (and have to) or want off (now!)... But the usually several months of ^^^ that process where you start applying the skills you're learning in therapy instead of medication, but have medication still as a backup.
***
I made a mistake in completely ditching meds after many many good years. The amount I use now on an emergency basis? In one month I use waaaaaay more now then I did then for 1 year, then. Hell. For 3 years. I got to the point of managing myself where I really only "needed" meds a few times a year, so I said f*ck it, and didn't refill them when I ran out. One of my many many mistakes which lead to me being deep in the PTSD badlands again a decade later. Ones of the safety nets I just cut away. This time I'm not planning on ditching them entirely. I want a bottle in a drawer somewhere that I might not touch for a year or two, but have on hand just in case. But in order to do that? I have to avoid getting addicted to them, and I have to still have my doc's trust with them enough to Rx them. All of the above? Isn't neener neener, nyah nyah, boo boo. It's : I've done it the other way before (abuse anything that gave me some peace), lose my access to it, have to do shit the very hard way, and then f*ck up again, and not have a net in place in case things went south. That's what will happen going down the abuse road. I'll lose a crutch I very much WANT right now. I don't usually learn by example, but if you can? Save yourself years of pain.
I do this (short script, and don't take it often) because it's addictive as f*ck.
If I took it as often as I wanted to? Or at a level that did more than take the edge off? I wouldn't have it anymore. Instead of a little bit of borrowed peace, or a desperately needed chemical reset, I'd be shit out of luck.
Been there, and done that. Don't wanna repeat it. I've gone years without meds. Bad years. I know that I can. The seductive nature of meds, though? Means that even if they weren't addictive, the tendency is to have the day of sunshine in winter... Every day. To never learn how to moderate my stress, manage my emotions, shorten my panic and anxiety attacks, learn to master my own mind & heart / retrain how my brain & body respond to things.
While there are lifelong drugs for many disorders? PTSD isn't one of them. There, quite simply, isn't anything out there that is safe and effective long term. The idea behind short term meds? Isn't to be functional on them. It's to save your ass when absolutely nothing else will, and then to back off of them. Learn how to manage symptoms without them.
My suggestion is 2Fold:
1) On the off-prescription use? Wait 5 minutes. Just so that you know that you can. Wait 1 hour. Just so that you know you can. Skip 1 day. Just so that you know that you can. Take a med holiday for a week. Just so you know you can.
Will it suck? Yep. It will. It will hurt, and you'll experience symptoms you've been avoiding, and it will be scary, and awful, and really really shitty.
But you will also know that you have that chemical reset in your pocket. You haven't lost your privileges with it, yet, you've still got it to lean on and you don't have to do this straight, yet. So after hat 5 minutes? You can reset. In an hour? You can reset. Tomorrow? You can reset. Next week? You can reset.
2) Tall with your docs about transitioning off meds. Not looking for a fast wean because you're addicted (and have to) or want off (now!)... But the usually several months of ^^^ that process where you start applying the skills you're learning in therapy instead of medication, but have medication still as a backup.
***
I made a mistake in completely ditching meds after many many good years. The amount I use now on an emergency basis? In one month I use waaaaaay more now then I did then for 1 year, then. Hell. For 3 years. I got to the point of managing myself where I really only "needed" meds a few times a year, so I said f*ck it, and didn't refill them when I ran out. One of my many many mistakes which lead to me being deep in the PTSD badlands again a decade later. Ones of the safety nets I just cut away. This time I'm not planning on ditching them entirely. I want a bottle in a drawer somewhere that I might not touch for a year or two, but have on hand just in case. But in order to do that? I have to avoid getting addicted to them, and I have to still have my doc's trust with them enough to Rx them. All of the above? Isn't neener neener, nyah nyah, boo boo. It's : I've done it the other way before (abuse anything that gave me some peace), lose my access to it, have to do shit the very hard way, and then f*ck up again, and not have a net in place in case things went south. That's what will happen going down the abuse road. I'll lose a crutch I very much WANT right now. I don't usually learn by example, but if you can? Save yourself years of pain.
Last edited:
Lucycat
Sponsor
If your doctor knows then why are you worried? I have a regular night-time medication that I am also 'allowed' to take during the day if I need to. The prescription is at night but my T and GP both know that I can take more if required. However on the other side, when I am totally relaxed - like away on my summer holiday I managed 10 days without taking any. Which gives me 10 pills for 'emergency' use without the need to request more.
I like the flexibility. I like being in control. Knowing that I can take an extra pill if I need to reduces the number of times I actually reach out for it!
I like the flexibility. I like being in control. Knowing that I can take an extra pill if I need to reduces the number of times I actually reach out for it!
- Post starter
- #8
The Black Phoenix
Bronze Member
My P-doc has always been very reticent to prescribe benzos. But my BF's psychiatrist prescribes them for everyday use. Overall, I think if you can cut them down, or out, that is for the best in the long term. On the other hand it's just good to know you have something that will help in your back pocket if you need it.
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