Myanxietyhasanxiety
Silver Member
Hello all,
I'm a newbie here. This is my first post. To be fair, I'm not a real newbie to this forum, as I have been DX with PTSD after my tour in Iraq in 2007. In the recent years, I have periodically "Googled" a symptom, or issue I was having in conjunction with my diagnosis to gain a better understanding and this website pulled up. So in a way, I already feel like part of the group (Just more of a bystander)
Then today, I just joined. I took those 20 seconds of insane courage I get from time to time and stepped out of my comfort zone. Please be patient with me. I have a highly guarded protective bubble I live in these days, so this is different and I feel vulnerable.
But here's what I figure, I need a change. I have 100% socially isolated myself. When the military retired me after 13 years, I moved my daughter and her father (long story haha) to the middle of nowhere, practically off the grid, I got completely off Facebook, or any social media, and even after all that, I still get triggered. So obviously, I need to change things up.
So, here I am. Trying something new.
Now as far as my DX is concerned, I know symptoms arose after my return from combat. But didnt really manifest until 3 to 6 months later. Unfortunately, I was in denial and neglected my emotions until my co-workers intervined. It got bad, I was disassociating and losing time/space.. as the flashbacks came, sleepless nights, hospitalized for anxiety, ER trips. It really begin to interfere with my career. The more I pushed to ignore, the worst it got. Finally in 2012, the military said enough and I was Medically retired a year later after 13 years in my career. It was a major blow to my self esteem.
To add insult to injury, since I could no longer be the workaholic, and using Work to avoid my feelings, I had to finally confront the fact that my issues were not all combat related, many of them stemmed as early as childhood. From neglected, drug addicted parent, and then abondoment.
As I was dealing with blow after blow, (too many to list) I leaned my husband at the time was cheating. Had been the entire time, complete fraud, and withdrew my entire savings and retirement fund. During the separation process, he committed suicide.
So as you can image, and maybe can relate, my mental resources are tapped out.
So, I could use a virtual support system. Make some friends. Try something new.
It's not that I don't have family, friends, support system ect.. I do. But honestly I feel so lost in my identity, and separate from my self, I don't even know how to connect to them anymore. I feel judged. Misunderstood. And that's why I thought I would reach out here. To those who understand...
I'm a newbie here. This is my first post. To be fair, I'm not a real newbie to this forum, as I have been DX with PTSD after my tour in Iraq in 2007. In the recent years, I have periodically "Googled" a symptom, or issue I was having in conjunction with my diagnosis to gain a better understanding and this website pulled up. So in a way, I already feel like part of the group (Just more of a bystander)
Then today, I just joined. I took those 20 seconds of insane courage I get from time to time and stepped out of my comfort zone. Please be patient with me. I have a highly guarded protective bubble I live in these days, so this is different and I feel vulnerable.
But here's what I figure, I need a change. I have 100% socially isolated myself. When the military retired me after 13 years, I moved my daughter and her father (long story haha) to the middle of nowhere, practically off the grid, I got completely off Facebook, or any social media, and even after all that, I still get triggered. So obviously, I need to change things up.
So, here I am. Trying something new.
Now as far as my DX is concerned, I know symptoms arose after my return from combat. But didnt really manifest until 3 to 6 months later. Unfortunately, I was in denial and neglected my emotions until my co-workers intervined. It got bad, I was disassociating and losing time/space.. as the flashbacks came, sleepless nights, hospitalized for anxiety, ER trips. It really begin to interfere with my career. The more I pushed to ignore, the worst it got. Finally in 2012, the military said enough and I was Medically retired a year later after 13 years in my career. It was a major blow to my self esteem.
To add insult to injury, since I could no longer be the workaholic, and using Work to avoid my feelings, I had to finally confront the fact that my issues were not all combat related, many of them stemmed as early as childhood. From neglected, drug addicted parent, and then abondoment.
As I was dealing with blow after blow, (too many to list) I leaned my husband at the time was cheating. Had been the entire time, complete fraud, and withdrew my entire savings and retirement fund. During the separation process, he committed suicide.
So as you can image, and maybe can relate, my mental resources are tapped out.
So, I could use a virtual support system. Make some friends. Try something new.
It's not that I don't have family, friends, support system ect.. I do. But honestly I feel so lost in my identity, and separate from my self, I don't even know how to connect to them anymore. I feel judged. Misunderstood. And that's why I thought I would reach out here. To those who understand...
