Why Dissociate?

[Deleted member 20978]

Oh @Alice.in.Wonderland I understand. Wasn't objecting to your post. Just saying, I wonder if I could dissociate more than I realize. Yes, I will be talking to my T about dissociation more. Thanks for your responses :)

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Thank you @FridayJones for serving and keeping us safe.

@lostforgottensoul I've been sitting here staring at the screen wanting to say something that reflects the respect I have for your strength and courage. There are no words.

 

[Friday]

Im confused about what this has to do w/ dissacissation? If i was in made up world in the forest and it caught fire; id snap out of it faster than boo

Backwards... It's the people who are NOT able to disassociate in response to stress who are needing to be dragged along by their collars because they're so worried about leaving their house unlocked, or the blister on their heel, or what "people might think" to see them running outside in their pajamas.

People who ARE disassociating in response to stress are running on bloody feet (and don't feel them, or feel them but dont care), haven't eaten for days (aren't hungry), haven't slept (may be tired, but it's not like "It's 10pm! Bedtime!), etc. You do what has to be done, no matter how much it hurts / it stops hurting given deep enough disassociation. Purely focused on survival.

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Disassociation helps like crazy in an emergency. In the types I was listing (and there are a lot of others) It means you drop everything that isn't important to immediate survival, and are only focusing on what matters. You don't care about pain, hunger, bills to be paid, the passage of time... The exact same things that seriously f*ck up normal living... When you haven't eaten, slept, paid your bills, "Wait- What day is it? Hmm. Okay. Next Q. What month is it???" Total pain in the ass to stuck in survival mode, the world a blur, when there's nothing to be surviving.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Backwards... It's the people who are NOT able to disassociate in response to stress who are needing...

I call that adrenaline but i understand what you're saying. I disassociate in non-emergency times and do it about 20 times a day ish

 

[Fadeaway]

@lostforgottensoul sent you a PM as not to derail the thread, but look up Maladaptive Daydreaming.

@Jemini there are different levels and forms of dissociation. Mild, being when you lose track of time for example. The most severe being D.I.D. It is a self-protective mechanism that can go haywire. People without trauma dissosiate too.

You are not becoming Tyler Durden, don't worry. That is pure Hollywood and not psychologically factual.

 

[Ronin]

You are not becoming Tyler Durden, don't worry.

And close to Tyler Durden levels of differing realities are manageable if you're able to follow routines & check with people time to time, so just saying, it's not a once-till-forever kind of deal if something goes badly wrong.

 

[Chava]

causing one to freeze when there is real danger. Can't see why that is useful

p.s. aside from the bunny examples, I did freeze a lot as a kid when either hiding or in the presence of a violent parent. It really scaled back attention on me and chance that I'd get hurt. I understood that instinctively and have a hard time undoing the immobility and invisibility sometimes as an adult. Freezing makes a lot of sense, even for adults in some situations. But kids are quite powerless over adults. This is why dissociation is more common in early and continuous trauma, especially if violent or interpersonal (physical and sexual abuse).

Dissociation once in a while wouldn't be something to worry about, unless it's dangerous to self or others, but if you're dissociating more recently hopefully your therapist can help you understand what is going on. If it wasn't a common pattern when you were younger it is highly unlikely it will affect your personality (like you probably won't start "splitting" in response to recent adult trauma). But major dissociation can be really disruptive day to day.

 

[shimmerz]

People who ARE disassociating in response to stress are running on bloody feet

I wonder about this.... and I wonder because of my particular dissociative patterns. I remember, before knowing my past but sitting with my T-doc, I told him something I had never told anyone, but something I had known all of my life. My exact words were 'I would die easily, I don't know why I know that but I do'. If I were to picture myself in that village that you are describing Friday, I think my nervous system is set up to 'just die'. Parasympathetic is my 'go to' place, not sympathetic. That is due to the age (infant to 2 years old) that my reptilian brain was programmed.
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I have found as well that one part of me (in a given situation) can be firmly in flight while another firmly in fawn or freeze. I don't know that dissociation is necessarily a linear process. Much like @Chava describes with the foot on the brake and the gas.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

@Chava thanks. Yeah I know fully why I've been more triggered, and even why the symptoms are worse.

My childhood stuff was all emotional abuse and neglect. She hit me a few times over the years, but I'd feel wrong saying I was physically abused. The stuff triggering me lately is not about my childhood stuff, but maybe ties into feeling helpless and alone when feeling very threatened. When my ex would threaten suicide it did not trigger me immediately but also was a period where I started having dissociation. My T currently is focused on making sure I have safe contacts and let him know anything that happens. My symptoms are diminishing over days -- none today except anxiety and moody, which is a *great* day.

 

[Chava]

Parasympathetic is my 'go to' place, not sympathetic. That is due to the age (infant to 2 years old) that my reptilian brain was programmed.

Interesting point here. I have trauma from different points, so have some really obvious fight and flight urges. I'm a super f*cking wimp but have tried beating up on people when drunk. But generally I've spent many adult years quite hyper, with some awareness that I was pretty consistently high on my own adrenaline. I even craved conflicts.

But as my body burned out I think I fell into even earlier patterns, which are more like what you're talking about. It's been really hard to understand what my immobilization under stress is about, and the over-inflated sense of powerlessness and dread (if I move I will die). But over time I've understood this stuff as very early body memories, or being triggered into these earlier responses where fight-flight was not part of my biology. It's been helpful to understand and try responding to that level because I rarely feel so totally swamped by feelings of immobilization. It's just weird to me sometimes that I didn't die of failure to thrive. So some part of me was always "fighting" or trying to organize itself towards life and I like that.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

@lostforgottensoul Sorry I missed your one post there. I'm sorry you've been through all that. Glad you found this site, welcome :)

 

[shimmerz]

It is really important for a therapist to see dissociative states. My T zeroed in immediately on when my trauma started and I had NO idea. 'Based on this type of dissociative behavior, your trauma happened when you were completely unable to defend yourself. I would say as an infant.' Completely blew me away. The story I had been told was very different. After denial, (because my adoptive parents had lied to me), after attempting to digest how anyone could be so cruel (my birth parents), and various other stages, I learned he was correct. It explained so much of my life. Why I didn't ever fight, why I disappeared from people's lives when I felt I was a bother, why I was going comatose.... so many things.

Dissociation patterns, in my experience of healing, were a key indicator as to what my story was....and why dysfunction and misunderstanding by others seemed to follow me everywhere I went.