Experiences With "parts"

[Leigh925]

I have been on this forum for well over a year. Maybe more. I have gained so much from reading posts but have I have never had the courage to post. I think this might be my first one ever. Kind of nervous about it.

I do not have DID but I am on the dissociative spectrum and have parts. I am co- conscious and only rarely lose time. I have been In therapy this go round for a little over two years.

I kind of had this idea that as I healed my parts would kind of just blend and would not be so noticeable. I have gone from having 4 and 5 nightmares a night to maybe one a month and I have made huge strides in therapy so I know I am improving.

It's just that the noise in my head between parts is less chaotic and more peaceful but the parts have actually gotten more defined instead of fading. Although I can control it for the most part....I just kind of had a different idea of what it would feel like as I got healthier and stronger and more defined parts was not on my radar.

I was just wondering if any others had experiences with parts and what they noticed as they healed. I have an amazing therapist but there is always this voice in the back of my head (pun intended lol) telling me that he doesn't exactly know what it is like to have parts and what the experiences are so I would really like to hear from others.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I'd like to be able to have a helpful response for you. I do have DID and as I travel on my journey, my parts have gotten more defined, but I wasn't co-conscious with most of them before. Now I know more about why they were created, what their job is, and what is comforting to them. However, I don't know if this helps because I feel like I am still in the midst of things and not close to being "healed". I don't really foresee my parts ever going away, though some may fade into the background more and my hope is to be able to work with them more and more. Don't know if any of this helps you.

 

[Leigh925]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve thank you for your response. It does help. It actually just helps to talk to someone else who really knows. I don't foresee my parts going away either and I did just kind of imagine them fading into the background like you describe. I actually don't want them to go away. I guess that is weird but most of my parts I have really come to love and appreciate and am trying to pull the best of each of them out....Have you ever felt like there were some you didn't want to lose or go away?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Have you ever felt like there were some you didn't want to lose or go away?

Absolutely. I feel like I wouldn't be me without some of my parts (maybe even all) of my parts. I have several who can assist me in different ways and I think that now that I am aware of my parts and am working with them that even though it's a struggle sometimes and time consuming, I would feel lost without them.

 

[Powder]

I think that I have something on the spectrum of MPD/DID but I don't lose much time and I am covertly influenced often. I hear parts arguing during the night about something and then I notice that I can't do those things for a long time (weeks). So I feel controlled by them, and am not fully co-conscious. It is easy to write this stuff off and ignore it, but it gets more noticeable during stressful times or when there is disagreement, which is usually the same thing.

I think it's a good sign that you see the internal system more clearly. It's like knowing your own feelings more clearly even if that takes bravery and toughness to handle, to fully feel the feelings. Maybe your tolerance of noticing the system is growing so it is more clear to you. I would ask this question in therapy and keep bringing it up with others until you get your answers.

It's a good question and you do need to know if you feel like progress is being made in more than one way.

Also thank you for sharing this. It encourages me to think about maybe getting back into therapy someday.

 

[scout86]

My T is kind of big on the whole "parts" thing, but he says EVERYONE has "parts". All it is is different aspects of your personality that you may be more, or less, aware of. From what he's told me, he has a lot of his clients work on listening to their various "parts" regardless of their diagnosis. So maybe it isn't even abnormal?

 

[Suzetig]

I'm with @scout86 on this one, I think we all have different "parts" that serve different purposes. I know I do and while I am dissociative, I'm don't have DID. For me what has happened in therapy is that I've learned to listen to myself much more clearly, sometimes what I'm saying is incredibly harsh and I need to challenge the part of me that wants to be cruel or punishing, sometimes I'm really confident and sure if myself and I guess I need to support and encourage that part of me more.

I don't know that I expect all of my "parts" to integrate because they all have a purpose. The harsh part of me, when boundaried, is the part that keeps me disciplined and focussed, the confident part is the part I draw on professionally etc so I don't want to loose any part of me, I just want to understand why it's there and what it's purpose is, if that makes sense?

 

[Leigh925]

The harsh part of me, when boundaried, is the part that keeps me disciplined and focussed, the confident part is the part I draw on

I soooo needed to hear this today and said in this way.

Thanks to all of you that have responded.
I really appreciate it. I have a great therapist and I believe what he says but sometimes I want to hear from people who truly know what it means to deal with some of this stuff.

Being in my own head is very confusing sometimes!!!!

 

[Powder]

Thank you for posting. I'm glad you have a good therapist. I'd like to say that someday.

 

[ms spock]

I am just starting to be aware of my parts, and since I started some parts took over and I had a severe dissociative episode. I don`t have DID, but my psychiatrist says I suffer from severe dissociative episodes. I lose time. I have big problems feeling feelings or knowing what is happening within me. I have a lashing out part. Parts that eat in different ways. A part that runs interference in a big way between myself and the world. I check out when other people are around.

Good on you for working on it.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thank you for posting this. I don't have any advice, but I'm glad to read the responses.

 

[Crow]

I am not DID either and I used to be ultra sensitive about the word "part" in reference to me. I'd completely shut down if a part was mentioned during session. A few years ago T said, "We're all a little DID." For some reason this has made all the difference. Since accepting I have parts, and understanding they're all here for a good reason, I've been able to incorporate a much more compassionate approach to myself. Sometimes I can actually physically feel the integration. I'm incredibly grateful for my ability to survive - and each of these 'parts' help me do it.