Confusion Of Sexuality.

[Deleted member 28862]

So I'm not gonna start of with details of my past. The only background that I can quickly offer is that I am a victim of multiple rapes, the most recent being in 2014. Now heres where my problems lie, ever since I've hard and incredibly hard time finding male parts...or males for that matter attractive. It just doesn't register as attractive anymore, If I see a guy I'd find them as sexual/physically/emotionally attractive as I do for a dumping site. My country, the Bahamas .....claims to be a christian nation. People are still being killed in cold blood for being lgbt, we are no where near getting close to being even a bit tolerant of people who are lbgt.

As for me finding women attractive....I really do....and that scares me. I don't know if I want to be gay, I don't think I can handle that. Growing up I was brainwashed to HATE lbgt people, I use to curse them, say they need to die and rot and all kind of things; just basically repeated what ever I hear from adults, after growing up a lot I've realized that I have no grounds to judge a person. Especially based on something so trivial as sexual orientation. I honestly don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone... I really can't no matter how much I trust my best-friend, brother and sister I absolutely cannot come out to them about this topic. We have no therapists here, and if we do they're not on the island I live on. I have financial and medical problems that I'm grief stricken with every day. I don't need my sexual preference to be another bunch of question marks in my mind either

 

[hodge]

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation in the Bahamas, Esha, and for your personal situation. No one can help what their orientation is any more than they can change their eye color. (Well, okay, tinted contact lenses aside, you get my point.) I hope you can find appropriate support here and maybe leads to other websites that might help as well. It's awful to have no therapy to turn to. There are online therapists, but I'd think you'd have to be really careful with them and of course they cost money. I really hope you find a supportive community here.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation in the Bahamas, Esha, and for your personal situation. No one can...

I know, but I always turn to this site for some sort of support and some answers. Thank you for support :D

 

[Rumors]

I don't mean for this to sound crazy, but is moving an option? How about studying abroad? I fear that you would be hurt if someone found out. Be safe. You have absolutely done nothing wrong and I hope you find the answers you are looking for...

 

[hodge]

Actually, I've been thinking the same lines as Rumors. Any way to move to the US or somewhere else more hospitable? Not that you should have to move, but just wondering if it's an option. Regardless, you have my support here -- :hug:s if you accept.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

I don't mean for this to sound crazy, but is moving an option? How about studying abroad? I fear that you...

I would love to just pack up and move. I really want to study in Japan. but financially it's impossible to do so

 

[anonymous]

If you were attracted to guys before the trauma, then the trauma may be turning you off to guys now more than an underlying lack of sexual preference for men. If not, then you likely have an underlying preference for women.

I hope your medical and financial situation gets better soon. So sorry for all that you have gone through.

 

[anonymous]

What about teaching English as a second language in Japan? My friend does that, and makes a decent living that way. She applied from out of country and they flew her in.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

Actually, I've been thinking the same lines as Rumors. Any way to move to the US or somewhere else more hos...

Thank you so much for your support ^^ this is why I love it here

 

[Deleted member 28862]

What about teaching English as a second language in Japan? My friend does that, and makes a decent liv...

Hmmm I always thought of it, and I've done a lot of research as well, but I'm just not qualified for it. ahh there's never a simply to break wall T_T I envy people who has easy times

 

[hodge]

Esha, have you done any research into scholarships to study abroad? They are out there.

 

[hodge]

Do you attend a college or university? If you can do well in something there, you have a better chance of getting a scholarship abroad.