Trouble Explaining My Feelings.

[HoosierGal]

Lately I've been feeling really misunderstood by my therapist.

I have trouble talking about my feelings. When I try, he says he doesn't necessarily understand.
So I try to explain them more fully. Then, when I do, he says, "Wow - that's so analytical." He doesn't say it in a mean way. But its a bit frustrating. Either I can't express my feelings enough, or when I do, it to detailed and analytical.

I always leave therapy feeling alone and isolated, because I know deep down there is a part of me that even I don't understand and will therefore never be able to express in emotion or explain in words to a therapist.

Anyone else have this problem or a similar one?

 

[Bloomy]

My therapist also say the thing I dont understand and it drives me nuts. Even do I try to explain there is sometimes an ocean between us and I too leave feeling alone and isolated. I wonder how she can help me when she dont understand despite my efforts. Do you wonder about that with your therapist?

 

[HoosierGal]

My therapist also say the thing I dont understand and it drives me nuts. Even do I try to explain there is sometimes an ocean between us and I too leave feeling alone and isolated. I wonder how she can help me when she dont understand despite my efforts. Do you wonder about that with your therapist?

I feel exactly the same way. Thank you for relating :)

 

[Ronin]

I usually retorted 'What part of it (don't you understand)', instead of focusing on 'Gah, they don't understand the whoole thing. Panic panic. Cover who can. Never share again. Nope. Not doing this. It's wrong and I'm wrong and my life is wrong and f*ckit. f*ckitty nope. I'm not talking.' spin I was feeling.

Putting things in smaller parts that are not understood or related to clears out the mud. ;)

& Then there's needing to keep the awareness simultaneously they'll never 'really' understand, however close they get. They lived a different life, and it's alright that way. They don't have to understand - they just have to not be an active obstacle to my recovery and/or adding issues to already existing pile I'm struggling with.

 

[Kintsugi]

My T says I have a problem with over-intellectualizing instead of experiencing my emotions and naming those in a raw way. Honestly, it's really difficult for me to explain my emotions in a way that isn't detached and clinical. So I feel you. I think maybe your T just wants you to get in touch with the raw material of your emotions instead of being really analytical. Just my two cents from my own experience with this.

 

[HoosierGal]

My T says I have a problem with over-intellectualizing instead of experiencing my emotions and naming those in a raw way. Honestly, it's really difficult for me to explain my emotions in a way that isn't detached and clinical. So I feel you. I think maybe your T just wants you to get in touch with the raw material of your emotions instead of being really analytical. Just my two cents from my own experience with this.

Oh, I know this is the case. The problem is, whenever I do experience raw emotion, my T (and the others before him) simply don't understand it...so I've learned to try to explain them in a way that the T will better understand...but then it sounds too analytical. At the end of the day, I don't think I can necessarily win, because no therapist will ever fully understand what its like to have gone though the traumas I have. I guess I just need to accept and embrace that while understanding that they're trying to help.

Thank you @Simply Simon and @Cashew for the advice! It helps knowing I'm not the only survivor dealing with this :)

 

[Born to Run]

there is a part of me that even I don't understand and will therefore never be able to express in emotion or explain in words to a therapist.

I would rephrase "a therapist" to "this therapist", as it is this specific one that treats you like this. I don't like the feeling I get when reading your post; like you are being judged all the time, and you try to adapt when you shouldn't. What you experience is not the 'normal' or 'standard' at all. An important part of trauma therapy is about building a safe and trustworthy connection with your therapist in which you can express your deepest misery. I miss that space being created for you, since the most basic acceptance of who you are today is denied. If he doesn't understand you, he has to try harder, otherwise why stick with this guy?

Most of the time I come out of therapy feeling less alone, more connected, less isolated.

 

[HoosierGal]

I would rephrase "a therapist" to "this therapist", as it is this specific one that treats you like this. I don't like the feeling I get when reading your post; like you are being judged all the time, and you try to adapt when you shouldn't. What you experience is not the 'normal' or 'standard' at all. An important part of trauma therapy is about building a safe and trustworthy connection with your therapist in which you can express your deepest misery. I miss that space being created for you, since the most basic acceptance of who you are today is denied. If he doesn't understand you, he has to try harder, otherwise why stick with this guy?

Most of the time I come out of therapy feeling less alone, more connected, less isolated.

Thanks for your thoughts/advice. This is my 10th therapist and by far the best, kindest, most understanding I've had. Due to the nature of my trauma/childhood I've had the problem with every therapist. This is the first therapist wjo I feel I've made progress with and is making genuine attempts to understand me :)

 

[HoosierGal]

* when I said "always" leave feeling more isolated, that was not necessarily true. That was me, in that moment, feeling bad about one bad therapy session and needing to vent. Sorry for any confusion that may have caused. No, I don't "always" leave feeling bad .

 

[Born to Run]

by far the best, kindest, most understanding I've had

Ok good, I am glad for you. It is just that I got a slightly different impression.