Understanding My Feelings of Guilt and Empathy for Abuse Victims

[caroline8323]

I was physically and mentally abused as a child, mainly by my mother. She even actively tried to kill me when I was 4 (she left me alone at the back seat of a car and let the car without brake at the top of a hill - had a car accident, but survived). She stopped when I was about 17 (I tried to kill her after another beating)

I have suffered from major depressive disorders in my twenties but I've been fine for the past 10 years (I'm 40). I've had 2 children.

Since I had my firstborn, every time I hear about a case of child abuse on the news, I am absolutely broken for days. I feel terribly guilty. As if I should have adopted every single abused child. I can 'feel' how they felt.

Why do I feel guilty? How can I make it stop?

 

[arfie]

hello caroline. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

theories abound on why abuse survivors feel such tremendous guilt for having been abused. i know i certainly do. personally, i subscribe to the theory that children feel responsible for EVERYTHING and routinely believe they can control outcomes by behaving better. my two elder foster children were 3 and 6 when they first came to live with me. i learned quickly to be extra gentle with them because a simple reprimand for safety's sake hit these children like a bolt of lightening. they are 7 and 10 now. they've come a long way, but reprimands still hit them unduly hard. baby sis was only 8 months old when she came and is much tougher to reprimand. safety? don't be such a grown-up. she thinks she's invincible.

 

[caroline8323]

hello caroline. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

theories abound on why abuse survivors feel such tremendous guilt for having been abused. i know i certainly do. personally, i subscribe to the theory that children feel responsible for EVERYTHING and routinely believe they can control outcomes by behaving better. my two elder foster children were 3 and 6 when they first came to live with me. i learned quickly to be extra gentle with them because a simple reprimand for safety's sake hit these children like a bolt of lightening. they are 7 and 10 now. they've come a long way, but reprimands still hit them unduly hard. baby sis was only 8 months old when she came and is much tougher to reprimand. safety? don't be such a grown-up. she thinks she's invincible.

Thank you, I never thought about it that way (I tend to avoid all triggers so did no research), your message was very helpful

 

[Charbella]

. I feel terribly guilty.

Maybe you have guilt confused with empathy?

I teach and when I have a kid going through tough circumstances I just want to take them home and give them everything they need.