Mother

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry @Cj77 good job on getting it out of you. I hope it helps you to feel a little better to do this.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks @gizmo, it is helping to get it out. I wish one day I can say it all to her face, she is evil.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Dear mum,

You helped create me. Then you threw me away.

Why?

 

[illusionist]

I'm so sorry cj77......I just could not imagine the pain of abuse from your own mother.....nor can I imagine how a mother could do what she did, unimaginable to me and totally unforgivable.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thank you, Illusionist, struggling to think about this but it is really helpful to know that you and others find her actions unforgivable.

One of the saddest things is that even though I stopped contacting her in 2009, the abuse continues to stop me having a life. I'm left with dissociative symptoms, anxiety, flashbacks, an eating disorder, depression, nightmares, other things too embarrassing to mention, never mind tell a doctor about, never mind the thought of being examined to determine (would be so retraumatizing). Just, unforgivable.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope that in time you may find peace for yourself Cj

 

[oasis2003]

I can relate my mother was mentally ill when growing up. I have a massive attachment disorder as well as other problems . Yes she is evil too .... There I have said and acknowledged it. Sorry you grew up with a Mother like your descriptions. My mother was particularly scrupulous when washing me in the bath every night . Also extremely narcissistic.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

@Oasis, so sorry to read this, it's good to acknowledge it. Not every mother fits the ideal portrayals by the media etc and until we all acknowledge it, people with evil and mentally ill mothers will continue to feel alienated and perhaps be too ashamed to get help fixing the damage their mothers done. So many of us here have narcissistic mothers, I told a psychologist I thought my mother was that but actually I think it's more, she has psychopathic traits. I wish I had evidence, that would get her locked up for life.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Dear mum,

I started this thread on the 6th of February. That is a significant date. Someone else who I witnessed you harming was born on that date. I don't know how you can live with yourself. It makes me so mad, I hate you, and I hate myself, I hate that I was seven and too terrified to stop you. I hate that I ran away in fear. It makes me mad that I'm still a coward in lots of ways. But I'm not going to pretend to myself any longer. I know what I saw. I remember. And I am not crazy.

I remember.

 

[oasis2003]

People seemed to think we had a perfect mother daughter relationship

I was merely an extension of you

Yes loads of people thought we were so close and perfect, little did they know. I was forced to be an extension of her my own mother. I could not develop my own personality just a twisted version of her self. :hug: @Cj77 I completely relate and wish that you had a kinder mother,

 

[Atomic]

Oh Cj77...that is utterly outrageous to be treated like that by anyone, let alone your Mother. I'm so sorry that your own home was a torture chamber, not the soft place to fall like it's meant to be. I'm sorry that another adult didn't step up for you and see that something was very wrong.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yes loads of people thought we were so close and perfect, little did they know. I was forced to be an exte...

This is something that really caused me a huge amount of upset and anger, a psychologist told me that I was "a person in my own right", she could not see how I was merely a twisted version of my mother, because she'd never met her, nor do I think she managed to see one of my alters who very definitely came out when re-telling pieces of the abuse. It's disturbing what has happened, the effects, where is my core self? Will I ever have one? Such abuse is utterly soul destroying, in my opinion, divine destruction.