Relationship I Dont No What To Do .

[nad]

Hi, where do i start? My ex patner for 3 months has been digonised with ptsd. He walked out on me and our son before xmas but he is still liveing with us. If things get too much he goes to a friends and sleeps on their sofa. He has only been digonised with this in last 4 months. He said he dosent love me anymore and hasnt for a long time. He told me to move on and find someone new. Is this normal for ptsd suffers? We had a good 7 years. The day before he said he was leaving he would say he loved me and never gave me reason for leaving only that he needs space, which i gave hm. I can't get my head around it, if you dont love me why be in my house, and want to go on hoildays he just booked last week for us In March? I give him space and i think we are getting somehwere. He buys me gifts and i think we are getting somewhere. Then I ask about us, and he now started to say he is not in love with me. Is this him pushing me away or what? Our little boy is all he ever wanted, but he dosent want spend hardly any time with him either unless I'm there. He is always asking why daddy has to work as I say he is working. He is only 4 . I have tried being clam, but I've just not manged this week. I'm crying, I feel angry and I can't understand why this has happened. Can anyone relate to me or give some advice? Do I just walk away or try be there and see what happens? He is due in April to go into a rehab centre for treatment. Now he is only on antidepressants, which I see is calming him down a lot, but only when he takes it. He keeps saying he needs space, then I say OK. I left the house with our son to give him space for the weekend, but he then asked me to stay. I'm so confused. I feel so alone. x

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Its very complicated what is happening in a persons head in times like this. I'm really not sure what could be the solution.

Is he in theraphy?

 

[nad]

Not until April is the next intake for therapy, so we have to wait until then. I just dont know what to do. Give up and walk away, or try be there? He says it's not his ptsd, he just has no feelings for me. He also says the same about our son so i think its the ptsd doing this.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Its wierd

 

[Sideways]

This must be incredibly painful for you. For me, I know that I'm not the only one suffering from ptsd - the difficulties from my symptoms and resultant behaviour is really taxing on my loved ones, and it's so hard when you feel like shutting those people out to spare them the pain in that "they shouldn't have to bear this as well" mindset.

There's a tonne of reasons why he might be behaving this way. Is there a way that you can find some middle ground? Allow more space, but let him know that you're still there for him and you want to support him through it?

Either way, the #1 is to make sure you're taking care of your own needs. Quite apart from that being what you deserve, it's not going to help either of you if you come crashing down as well.

 

[nad]

Thank you. When I try to give him space, he then is the one calling me. He is here at our house just now. He stays 2 nights at weekend as he works away from home. He keeps saying he going get his own place but does nothing about it. Tells me we do things as a family just not a couple. I have tried to do this, but even if I don't have the wee one he is here also watching movies and going for tea with me. I'm so confused. X

 

[Sideways]

April's a long time to keep pulling off a situation like that. Maybe you could come up with some clear boundaries that work for both of you, and have an open conversation with him about it. That way you can explain that you want to be supportive, but you need clarity on what to expect for your own wellbeing. If you both decide, for example, that he can stay over at the weekends, if he starts going back and forth with how much he stays over you can remind him that the boundaries you both agreed upon really do need to be respected. That's not to say that those boundaries might need to shift sometimes, but it would give you both some certainty and maybe strike a balance between being supportive and being respected.

 

[nad]

Yes I have done that, but what he keeps saying is he is not in love with me anymore. I said if you are not, why are you here? He won't reply to me. He also hardly talks to me unless it's through text, which is frustrating for me. I can't understand why he's gone from loving me to not in matter of months, but still wants to be a family. As I say he won't talk. He also told me I should be over it by now, which to me is like, how can you turn off 7 years of feelings? I can't anyway. He has. He seems to be only interested in people when they're out drinking and forgets us until it suits him. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel a lot stronger than I have been, but that can change again tomorrow. I'm thinking maybe once we get treatment it might get better ? Also he booked us to go on a weekend break in March as a family. I don't understand it. If you didn't love me why would you do this ?

 

[Sideways]

Mmm, maybe steer clear of family holidays for now. There is the possibility that he does still love you, and that he's having trouble coping. But from a sufferer's perspective, there are limits - it's important to be given the heads up when your behaviour is becoming toxic. Recovery may be the reason, but it's not an excuse to emotionally abuse others.

Maybe things will improve slowly from April, maybe he'll stabilise a bit and regroup before then, but that's crystal ball gazing at this point. Your only option, for your own sake, may be to withdraw at this point & keep reinforcing that you're not at his beck and call. Respond to texts, sure, but it doesn't need to be right away. You still care, you still hope he sorts things out, but this is unhealthy, for both of you.

 

[Doublemintgum]

hi where do i start. my ex patner for 3 months has been digonised with ptsd. and he walked out on me and ou...

Hi there, sounds like you are really struggling. Would you be willing to go to counselling by yourself? It may just help you to deal with him and learn how to take care of yourself better. It's also nice to know that you have someone to go to. It is important to listen to what you need and what will be the healthiest thing for your son at this point. Your guy is an adult and unfortunately he will have to do his own work. If he is behaving in this way it is important for you not to take responsibility for it and it is especially important to take care of your son's emotional needs. Children pick up on things so easily even if you don't know that they are and they can't discern what is and what isn't their responsibility. If you let your man deal with his stuff on his own you are also telling him (or you could tell him) that you believe that he is an adult and that he can do it. Anyway, good luck to you. This is tough stuff. Diane