I Dont Know What To Do....

[Sideways]

Nudism is fine. Nude pics of kids loaded onto the web and distributed for people's pleasure is not nudism - it's child porn. He may not make that distinction, but people don't walk around saying "Heya, I'm a great big pedophile, wanna be friends?"

However he justifies it, it's not okay. It just cost him his friendship. You do not condone child porn, & your head (just like mine apparently) has such frayed sexual boundaries that it's hard to identify "that's not ok". You can no doubt imagine that if they were pics of you, meh, that's just what my life was like.

But it's not you this time, it's a new generation of kids. No one is ever going to ask you to go out and publicly beat the drum against child porn. But I think it's important for you, and those kids, to recognise that this is waaaay out of the realm of acceptable - it's criminal, immoral, life-destroying and unforgiveable. You don't have to report him to the authorities, but I think, based on what I've read, that you do need to draw a line and say "Nope, I won't condone that, & I won't support someone who does".

If he's into child porn, he's definitely not the kind of "help" that you need.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

If you want to focus on healing avoid online private chats.

I don't know why your therapist didn't advise against it but IMHO your therapist should have.

If you want sex talk you're an adult, go for it. Keep it fun and fantasy but don't tell yourself it's therapeutic and please don't share real life situations from your abusive childhood. You will only be reliving the abuse.

Report the child porn let the authorities decide.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"Nope, I won't condone that, & I won't support someone who does".

Yeah, im kinda feeling that too.

 

[Sideways]

In my head, all I need to do is picture one of those kids standing in front of me. How the hell could I tell them, "I knew they were taking those pics of you and sharing them round, but I stayed friends with those men anyway..."

Nope, I could never do that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't know why your therapist didn't advise against it but IMHO your therapist should have.

Well it wasnt like this in the beginning, he was ignoring my seductions. I tried to seduce my cousin by marriage...i tried VERY VERY forcefully seduce my therapist...like taking clothes off trying to touch him like insanely seduce. Its how my brain works "must seduce for them to like me" and "must seduce or they will go away"...my therapist told me that seductions in there were the same as when i had first started therapy w/ him; transference.

It was teaching me how to connect and know i didnt need sex.

 

[Sideways]

Phew! That was one hell of a curve ball LFS! We got there though:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Nope, I could never do that.

I was one of those kids...'cept it was for sexual/porn reasons but to me its the same thing

 

[Sideways]

I was one of those kids...'cept it was for sexual/porn reasons but to me its the same thing[/Q...

That's why it's so hard. Putting your foot down on behalf of these kids, saying they deserve better, is like saying "I deserved better". Maybe that's important, but for now, I don't think you need to go there. Just keep in your head that you won't be a part of condoning that for more kids. Regardless of whether you believe that you deserved it, you know for sure that these kids don't. That's enough - that's compassion.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Phew! That was one hell of a curve ball LFS! We got there though

Lol, sorry.

@Alice.in.Wonderland i wanna answer you a bit better about my therapist but on way home from work. Will tag ya, unless that answered it. Basically he knows me and knows i come on to everyone and why. This was teaching me i didnt have to til it turned

Regardless of whether you believe that you deserved it, you know for sure that these kids don't. That's enough - that's compassion.

What i feel about myself i dont for anyone else so yes, i dont condone it. Im just afraid he's gonna turn it into like an art form non sexual thing...his friend was the pbotographer, not him but he justifies it and thats what has me in a mind f*ck. Id rather be alone then have a friend like that. What us he thinking about the pictures of me at 9 that in sure is on the deepweb (when someone said that to me it freaked me out but is likely true).

 

[Sideways]

LFS - one day, you n me are gonna know, straight off the bat, what's ok and what's not like everyone else...in the meantime, we bounce stuff off each other;)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

LFS - one day, you n me are gonna know, straight off the bat, what's ok and what's not like everyone else...in the meantime, we bounce stuff off each other

Thats why i posted it...i wanted to make sure i wasnt over reacting.

Basically im going to tell him im not scolding, but im stating fact (maybe linking to sites to define child porn) and then state that I AM an artist and I AM a photographer and I HAVE drawn and taken pictures of nude bodies and see them as artwork BUT i have never and would never allow a subject to be under 18. I will also make it known i was one of those kids and now i dont know how he thinks about that part of my past. Is he saying that was ok too? Then im gonna take a break from the messages...possiblly the site but def the messages until Thurs. I have to talk to my therapist...he's my gauge on stuff. I know he's gonna say cut contact but i want to run it by him anyway and i do what he says so if he says cut contact then thats what will happen.

 

[void]

@lostforgottensoul

my 2 cents as a male(for clarity sake)

Could u tell him that the change from platonic content to sexual content has triggered you severely?

....and that IF and ONLY IF your friendship goes back to 100% platonic, that you can stay friends

...BUT any violation of the platonic rule(ie. any sexual talk) will result in you ending the relationship.

Would that be worth a try?

Part of your healing is learning how to create and enforce boundaries. It IS very hard, I know.:(