I could go to a male GP, I could even go to a male gynecologist but not a male therapist but who knows, maybe the very therapist who can really help me is male. Maybe I need to get past that fear.
All my Drs need to be male, I could never trust a female like that BUT thats, i think, cause of my mom and what she did to me, made me do etc. I freaked out just by Simply saying the majority here were female in chat. My brain was making most male & i was rolling w/ it...my brain make most on the other site female & still dont know why it flipped on me.
Sorry for hijacking the thread.
Oh Alice, you should know me better than that...you cant hijack my thread and I STILL hate that phrase ;)
I asked him, after telling him theres no "small possiblity of exploiting" unless under lock & key & no one looks at it and if placed in a book, some sicko can get buy the book and jerk off to it & my experiences of being photographed & video tapped & my 9 yr old pics & vids are likely still being sold ln the deep web & just a ton of things...i asked if he had a child (i cant have kids so dont have them either) would he allow them to be photographed nude and this is what he said, to my pleasent suprise...oh & i also advised that the abilty to see the consequence of an action part of the brain isnt developed fully until early 20s so even if the kid said ok, they cant see any possible future concequence; so here' his answer:
"I've never had a child, and I've never felt... ready, or something... to take responsibility for guiding and protecting another person that way. Call it a copout if you like, but that's where I am with it.
So cutting straight to fantasy here: If I had a kid, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with letting him or her be photographed naked. And I'd probably chalk that up as much to me being paranoid and a prude and stuff, as to my foresight and concern for the kid's welfare. And you need to take into account that you've just given me every reason in the world to not want my imaginary kid to be photographed naked, so how I'm feeling about it now is not going to reflect how I might have felt about it some other time. I can sincerely believe and say I would have felt the same way about it last year and the year before, but I can't go back and un-hear what you've told me, nor know what I would have thought if we'd never talked about it. So all I can give you is what I might call a semi-honest answer: it's all I know now, but it's informed by what you've shared with me, and I can't claim that I came up with it before you told me, nor that I would've come up with it at all if you hadn't told me.
But that way of putting it has a below-the-line flavor to it. What I really mean is: I just learned something important from you, I can't say that I'd ever have learned it without you, and thank you for sharing it with me. "
He also asked why i felt the need to put bleach in me and was horribllly concerned that he caused it...well on this site i learned you own your triggers so i cant blame him, and dont, for triggering me.
I told him he has been talking to my "inner child" and he said "please to meet you" and took the "i cant make out you and them...to me you are them at the moment" very well. He gave me space and now he isnt them anymore, my brain is seperating him and them again...and both making him them and now seperating hom from them (that sounds confusing) is automatic, i cant control it...and he IS respecting my 'no sex talk' completely and anything else i dont want to talk about.
He's not a predator, i dont thing, or so it seems, he just has different views due to different experiences and a different past and it takes me, the most complicated person ever, to teach him...and he's willing to learn, take in, change his views...thats more than i can say about my dad whom is older but close to his age range. My dad is "too old to change" or go to therapy...thats wjat he says anyway, and the most closed minded person i ever met.
So im still remaining causious (however you spell that) and listening to my gut...its getting better.
Therapist is a bit later today so we'll see what he says but i usually can predict what he'll say.
