Is PTSD a Test of Character?

[Cuban Pete]

Hey Guys

Today is the anniversery of my nasty extravoganza... 1 Year to the day! Wehey!
So Just to celibrate the occasion- and because i'm having a mild flashback, I figure... Hey **** It, i'll sign up to one of these PTSD forums!

So my freinds. Is PTSD a test of charicter?

Ok... Yeah... I know what your thinking... This guy is off his rocker... What the **** is charicter testing when it comes to PTSD... Your probably also thinking im a muppit for even coming up with a silly little question like this.

Well, if you are... you are apsolutely right!

But just for poops and giggles- I will explain why I think, and know this to be the case.
Besides: It wouldent hurt to listen to the crazy fool... Grrr! I bite! Ha.

For alot of us unhappy little bunnies- we didnt always know we had PTSD. Now if you can remember when all of this nonsense kicked off... Wow, now that must have been interesting eh?

One day i'm just your regular bastard person who has their head together.... The next... your reduced to a psychopath. Weve all been their....

So what did you do? Well... If you where smart- you went to the doctor... or at least email'd a psycho-dude who didnt even know who the hell you are! (Seriously) -They wont tell...
But if your silly like me- you keep it to yourself every ****ing miserable day, telling yourself something even more rediculous- like its just a "Faze" or something- COMPLETELY avoiding the fact that you just avoided death or something like that: If your anything like me, for a very very very long time. Good times! Ha... ****. (Worst experience of my life... but hey!)

But dont worry- your here now, so **** it anyway!
So why is that a test of charicter?

I'll tell you:::: However long you'v had this...
You ****ing faught it! No matter what this shit threw at you... Your still here- You diddnt give up! Rain or shine-
We have all had it bad.
Even writing this shit gives me the fear... But im still here.
Even when it got in the way of my life, stopped me in my tracks I got back up, even only if I knew I would get cut down again- reduced to nothing more than some grown man curled up in a ball on the bed, shitting himself over nothing more or less than NOTHING! Its sort of funny when you look at it in the 3rd person.

Yeah- so were all in "Denial" about ourselves
(My personal favorites are: I'm just ill.
I was alright today... Maybe im cured!)
But maybe hope is one of the strongest qualities about ourselves.

Your not neciceraly a "Slave to hope" as I uesd to call it so miserably... But more Hope is your slave... It keeps YOU going!
A shit pun on words I know- But you get the picture... Right?

Thanks guys! Please give feedback on this if you want.

Rock on people!

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

That's a good start! Let it all out and keep going until the tension subsides a bit. Of course it will come back, but when it does then that means you could come back here and write some more about it.

Just keep writing or talking about it and come out of denial once and for all and you won't have to be a slave to hope or this illness all of the time.

Good luck
Tammy

 

[cragger65]

Hey Pete, your post was refreshing as hell. And I have to say thanks, it made me feel a little more OK that it's not just me. I love when that happens!

Cheers,
Dave

 

[TLight]

A slave to hope or this illness....
Very good words once again Nirvana......Henry Miller says hope is a sort of spiritual clap.....means you are not at your fullest....if you are still hoping for something else, something is wrong, in other words.

I agree with him, 'hope is a sort of spiritual clap'.....although it sure has gotten me through the insanity I've been in at times.......but I'm not sure if that is really hope, or just tolerating the intolerable. I know I've done a lot of that.

Truly, facing the trauma, feeling the fear, the feelings......and ours are intense.......then allowing love into your life to assist you in healing.......these are what will bring us out of hope and into life.

Welcome to the forum.........and, yes, we have very strong character in the sense that we want no one else to suffer what we have suffered. Our awareness in how we treat others is exceptional because of what we have suffered. In this sense, we truly have strong character...........but,no I don't think PTSD is some sort of test of character.....I think it is character building, that's for sure. But God didn't bring us such terrible trauma to build our character........Evil happens and it happened to happen to us.

Perhaps so we can be the ones to truly have compassion for others.....this is what I'm going to take from it.

 

[goingonhope]

So let's see here now what are our choices: The clap, inertia or death, be it dead as in 6ft under, or dead like the walking dead.

I choose the clap. (smiles)

:hello:BTW, Hello Cuban Pete and Welcome to this forum! Please feel free to introduce yourself when and if you're up to it.

Also, Ptsd yeah sure I think it tests our character daily and can certainly build character too, just like I'd been told a good beating could always do for me, and did. But, I must say I don't think it exists for the purpose of testing one's character, it simply does.

Take care.

goingonhope

 

[Deleted member 1606]

I don't see it that way. For me, at least, it is a test of endurance. It is a test of how much physical and mental pain I can take and still function.

 

[becvan]

I do not believe it is a test of anything. It is simply just a part of life. It is our brain working perfectly to keep us safe and alive. Unfortunately, society today has no room for people whom have a perfectly working survival skill. Hence it being a disorder.

Bec

 

[Deleted member 1606]

I don't mean that God or some force is testing me. But PTSD tests my abilities all the time.

 

[joe123]

Yep, I've had this bottled up inside for close to 30 years so I know how you feel.

I've avoided every stressful situation possible until I was recently forced to walk directly into a flashback and denied it only to walk back into it until I completely lost my mind for a while.

But mine comes from childhood and my parents "taught" me that all this was me just being an unreasonable, rebellious, ****ed up, crying for no reason, wuss. So when I have a flashback I think that I should go try again because nobody will understand.

Yay. :wall:

 

[Kunoichi]

Hey Pete!

Welcome to the forum and I have to say that I was laughing at your post (in a good way) :)

I think that it can be a test for your soul (but not a test as in the definition that your being tested) but I look at it now as a challenge to fight. Not because I want to nor because its something I wanted but rather it keeps me going.

I'm not going to let this thing define me, no matter how screwed up it is! I'm going to prove to myself and against my abuse that I can keep going with God's help and with fighting as hard as I freaking can. As well as hopefully helping others do the same :)

 

[Simpleman33]

Welcome to the Forum! I have only been on the forums for a short time but spend about 99% of the time reading and 1% of the time writing. I do this because it is amazing and motivating to hear and understand our ability to rise above these burdens. I have PTSD, from military service in Iraq. My PTSD is not me but it is my burden. Like Becvan stated before me, it is a survival skill. Here is something I would like to share more of about me in regards to this.

Everytime I go someplace I am watching everyone, observing and judging people. I am observing there behavior for signs of danger and judging on wiether that person is a threat. Through my entire stay I watch everyone, I have my back in a corner so no one can be behind me, if I am not the sensation of danger and fear is compounded greatly by my thought of vunerablility. Where is my backup, where are my fellow soliders. I may begin to shake, just my leg or legs at first, then my hands. My sences sharpen as I anticipate an attack, I go into what I call my combat awareness stance. I get the "100 yard" look to me as I mentally catalog everyones actions in the room. This is less of an issue the more I visit a place, I have been going to the same bar near my home for 2 years, I still get scared but atleast I dont have to sit in the corner anymore.

This is not an illness, this is me surviving. This is a result of me surviving in a full year of wondering if I was going to get hit by a mortar while I walked to a sand burm to take a crap, every aspect of your day/night truely revolved around the chance of being hit without warning. A result of driving down the narrow roads of Tikrit surrounded by thousands of civilians, many convoys, many chances with death.

This is what is going through my head when I go on a "date", to a sporting event, to the bar, to McDonalds or Walmart. When my date is wondering what my fav color may be, or wondering some other fact about me... I think of death and how to avoid it, even though I know he is not around me. It is a tiresome game I know.

I think PTSD is a natural human reaction to an extreme event or series of events, a reaction from the mind to protect itself, the problem is turning off that reaction. Dealing with this human reaction is a test to ones character.

Sorry for the long post, I had a lot on my mind today. :wall:

 

[cragger65]

Simpleman, feels good to write it out, doesn't it? I'll be looking forward to more of your posts.