Not Feeling Like Myself

[Malaenis]

Asking here because firstly, this really had/has me freaked out, second I was wondering if this happens to other people and what to do.

When I woke up this morning, I completely did not feel like I was myself. I thought of some things I'd done yesterday, talking to people, and it felt like I was outside of myself. I wasn't sure if the way I spoke to people was truly ME. And I felt as if I was a sort of puppet when I recalled things that happened. As if I'd been going through the motions. But in those moments, I didn't feel this way. I'm just remembering like that. And feeling very much like I'm hollow. Not real. Really difficult to explain. But it's got me very panicked. I have no idea what to do. And I've just been dissociating and ignoring the feeling because my son has a neurology appointment in the morning that I need to be there for him before, during and after.

I was also wondering if this has happened to anyone else? All I can think of as to why this happened this morning is that I was doing some work on a particular flashback last night. It was one that was from 12 years ago. When my life and personality were very different. Can a flashback, and working through one, if I didn't do it right, do that? Make you feel this out of sorts that you don't even feel like yourself? It was the only thing that made sense to me.

 

[Stickler]

Derealization/depersonalization.

Just...breathe. It'll go away. It's a pretty common symptom.

I've definitely felt like I was in a bad dream, so I get derealized.

 

[Friday]

Flashbacks & nightmares have very often kicked me into the exact same headspace I was in then, instead of the headspace I usually inhabit, now.

Same token, there's also straight up disassociation & depersonalization... Where Lights On Nobody Home or SeriouslySurreal happens, instead.

2 very different things for me.

 

[Sideways]

Oh yeah! Every time I get back in my car after my night class, I feel safe in my car. And I think back over the last few hours when I was in class & it's like, "Who the hell was that? 'Cause it sure as shite wasn't me pulling that off..."

I don't know, but whoever I was, I hope that person turns up for the final exam because I can't remember a word of whatever the lecturer was saying!

 

[ConnieBean]

Asking here because firstly, this really had/has me freaked out, second I was wondering if this happens...

Yeah. That's called depersonalization. It's normal for people who have PTSD or another trauma disorder. It's a type of disassociation. It is really scary. For me, listening to "safe" music that provokes an emotion helps.

 

[Malaenis]

Thanks everyone. I dissociated badly from this, then had a bunch of things to add to my anxiety this week pushing me further into it.

 

[Sideways]

Sorry it's been really crappy for you - hopefully things start to improve.

 

[riverbrook]

Asking here because firstly, this really had/has me freaked out, second I was wondering if this happens...

Yeah. That's definitely depersonalization. I have had days when I feel like I can't get in touch with how I feel about being kidnapped after too many days of anxiety about it.

I hope you feel better. I'm rooting for you.

I was kidnapped in 1998 for two days. I also have stockholm syndrome something bad.

Tons of hypervigellence. (Spelling.My spelling sucks).

Do you have a dog or cat. Playing with a dog seems to work wonders for alot of people. They very non threatening. And realaxing.

Exercise helps PTSD symptoms alot. I walk. It's low impact and great.

Good luck.

 

[Malaenis]

Thank you for your reply @riverbrook .

Unfortunately no pets since I live in an apartment building. I'm hoping someday I can get one though. I think it'd really help me.

Shortly after posting this I'd starting jogging regularly and doing yoga almost every day. It helped and it didn't. Seemed to be another way for me to dissociate, the faster I went I felt like I was truly running from my problems. I was almost obsessive about exercising to keep myself from thinking too much.

 

[Bloomy]

Thanks for posting this. I got an answer to whats been up with me today. Obviously so depersonlaized by pulling my self togheter the past days I woke up today in a complete dizziness and being total estranged to my self.