I Need To Give Up Trying To Find The Right One

[sonicwhite]

What I mean by that is I'm very attracted to looks. I guess every guy is. When I was twenty two I was very good looking. I resisted a date with a gorgeous woman because it was tempting me to have sex. Now that I'm thirty one I'm fat, ugly and all that and still have the same want for a beautiful woman since in my past I could get that. I feel and know I'm conceited I know in my heart that I am wrong. That the flesh rules over this part of my brain. I'm tired of being this way. Tired of feeling worthless and useless. I'm tired of the fact that I got to eat of the fruit of beauty and cannot for the life of me get it out of my head. Porn is murdering the moral character of millions of men and women.


I resist porn becuase I know it's a distorted view on how sex should be. It also triggers memories of when I dated a beautiful woman and had depraved sex a lot. I'm a sicko. Some type of perverted thinking is in the back on my head yet I resist it. When will it go away. When will the Lord say yes I will cut out the memories of this and you'll be free. Where are all the promises the bible speaks of?



Surely I am a wretched man that deserves to be thrown into the furnace. I'm considered wheat but I feel I am chaff. This type of wrestling and struggle goes on day and night. I'm tired of being a fake. I'm tired of living this lie. I want to be free of conceitment. I want a real life. A real outlook on woman without judging them.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

The body is an avatar / vehicle for the personality. Also, it doesn't matter what the person looks like or seems like, their sexual interests can be drastically different than what you think they may be. This took a long time to figure out but was a great lesson in dating. Friends first, sex second is the priority of what you are looking for if you want something long term.

There are always an interest in looks + personality. Just make lots of friends with women you find interesting regardless of looking good or bad. In the end the personalities will sift out those that are good fit or not. The interesting thing is that good looking ladies seem to have really good personalities and really bad personalities AND bad looking women have good personalities and bad personalities. So pretty much whatever you are interested in, you will likely find if you just casually date. You don't have to have sex with every woman you hang out with and you also don't have to not either. Just whatever works for you and the other person at the time. When you find someone that you can't stand not hanging out with and feels the same way about you, that is the one you pick.

Women are fascinating. More interesting than guys at least. I'm a guy and quite like that it is that way. When I would sit at the table with a bunch of work ladies they were super interesting to talk to and listen to. When sitting with the guys at work, it was the same boring conversations over and over. Women are way more intellectual and sexual than society likes to admit to. At times you actually have to purposely attempt to steer conversation away from sex.

 

[sonicwhite]

Lol, that made me smile.mi steer away from the convo of sex always. I'm not going to use my body as a tool to get someone off. That is not what I want. I want someone to see my heart love me because I'm hurt and maybe broken and mend me to being a loving partner and maybe dad. I will teach my children in the way they should go and they will always abide in it. I'm talking about raising children to be right but not be an enforcer at it. I'm a hermit, I don't get out. I've been rejected so many times that my pride has been hurt. I would rather be alone than to keep being rejected. Just because some one like me has social problems doesn't mean I'm evil or twisted, but that's what the assume first so I say f it. I'm done with the game that some women play and unfortunately most if not all have rejected me since I got older. So I accept it.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Don't lose heart. I've been told I was ugly by not great looking women and told I was handsome by gorgeous women. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. What is inside takes effort to find. Can't win if you don't play. That means you can't find what you want if you don't attempt to find it and keep looking for it. It is a sad concept but that's just how reality works out.

 

[joeylittle]

@sonicwhite, I think that you can't worry too much about what your future might hold until you get a handle on your present. It might seem like a relationship would make everything a little easier, but the fact is, it won't. You need to be able to put your energy and focus on yourself, first.

Just my opinion - but I think if you can accept that right now your life needs to center in recovery and mental health, but that doesn't mean that you won't have the right relationship someday - that you will both avoid those rejection times, without needing to shut and lock that door forever.

Don't know if I'm explaining that well, but wanted to try.

 

[sonicwhite]

It's ok, to both of you. I'm just in a mode right now where a woman has to really work to get into my pants lol.

 

[Fadeaway]

What @joeylittle said, a thousand times over. Try to take everything one day at a time.

 

[Stickler]

For me attraction follows love.
That is to say that...once I'm attracted to the person in the body, the body suits just fine.

 

[hangingon]

I have a friend that I went to college with. He is approx 6'2" and is overweight. He is definitely not what someone would define as a looker. However. He has a beautiful wife. And if he were single it wouldn't be for long. His personality was so attractive. He was a gentleman and was funny. He was always trying to find good and humor in things. He always seems to be able to be happy. My point is 1) you can attract beauty with the beauty you reveal in yourself and 2) if you really look, what makes people truly attractive is not always appearance.
And it may not be enough to avoid negative influences such as porn. You may need to seek out positive influence.
Good luck. I hope you find happiness

 

[sonicwhite]

Thanks. Right now it's work on me time whether it be sifting out negative thoughts about what a woman should look like or its PTSD. I'm working on the whole bit, I promise you,

 

[Stickler]

Considering that your Christian faith is very important to you, you really ought to get anchored in a good, large church, both for the socialization you'd get, and the women you'd meet there.

You really want to meet women who are on the same page regarding sex, marriage and God.

 

[sonicwhite]

I don't know. Really I struggle with a body that is fallen. We all where born into a world that changed the very fiber of our being. We where supposed to be perfect. Living with the Living God yet we failed the test. The tree was put there cause God wanted to test to see if we would do as he says. Adam and Eve failed and like ants we all inherited a fallen body.



This is what I believe. God in the OT even said I wished I didn't make mankind. That breaks my heart. He wished He didn't make us. But God had a plan to save us. Christ mad it possible for us. Narrow is the road that leads to life but, it is wide enough for the whole world if they would see that Jehovah God is the true God.



My flesh will always battle my spirit. Even tho I know I'm going to heaven. I've been called in a unique way to ministry. I'm not ashamed of the gospels because it's the power of God unto salvation.