What If My Therapist Thinks I Should Move On?

[Scandinavgirl]

So I have been in therapy for almost a year now , but I have only been there like once a month - I cant afford more.

I have talked through my trauma (most of it, I think) and my relationship with my mother. The last 3 or 4 sessions we have not talked about my childhood, after my wishes - it began to drain me, and it became to painful.
I am doing better, but I know I could benefit from working a little more on some issues with my thinking, self-esteem etc.

But there has been an increasing feeling of me being scared that my therapist is/or soon will get sick of me or/and thinking it is about time for me to move on. Maybe he thinks I am just complaining, when all I should do is go out there and live my life. It is not like he has said anything about it, I just feel like I am imposing by asking for a new appointment. Because I write him every time - we schedule per mail and we have done this from the start, also after my wishes. I feel needy and uncomfortable - maybe he thinks I am to dependent. Actually, I feel less dependent now than in the beginning. I know I am paying him and all, but still....

Do any of you recognize these feelings from your own therapy?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Welcome! I have to admit, I had been feeling this way with my psychiatrist. After every session I had to ask him if I should schedule another session. I'm not sure why I was afraid to talk to him about my uncertainty. I suppose it comes back to my fear of rejection.

I did finally discuss it with him and he assured me that we wouldn't be finished until I felt like I didn't need his help anymore. Do you think you could bring this up so that it's not hanging over you?

 

[Sideways]

Absolutely I can relate to those feelings!

The fear of abandonment is kind of part and parcel of CSA, and it easily leaks into therapeutic relationships. I'd recommend talking to your T about how you're feeling so that you can get some reassurance that these are just feelings and there's no factual basis to them.

That said, it seems to depend on the type of T. Doctors will stick with you unless you do something that basically forces their hand to stop seeing you (has to be pretty dramatic). But I've got a nasty track record with psychologists telling me they have nothing more to offer...with the benefit of hindsight, though, they were right, and I actually needed someone with more solid trauma therapy qualifications.

Feeling like your T is going to drop you will likely effect your ability to he open and honest about what you need to talk about. It may also make you feel like there's a constant need to demonstrate real, tangible progress, when in fact therapy just takes time. So definitely have the conversation with them if you can - write it down or take in dot points if you need to so that when you leave, you feel reassured that you addressed all of your concerns:)

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Welcome! I have to admit, I had been feeling this way with my psychiatrist. After every session I ha...

I think I will be able to tell him something about this - maybe not directly, but mention to him that I am not going to keep seeing him for several years.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Absolutely I can relate to those feelings!

The fear of abandonment is kind of part and parcel of...

Thank you for your fine answer. What does CSA stand for btw?

 

[Sideways]

Child sex abuse...lots of shorthand here;)

 

[Friday]

If someone thinks I should move on? I generally agree.

Not with their reasoning... I know myself, and I know how f*cked up I am*... But with the understanding that they can't help me. Doesn't mean I can't be helped. Just means that they aren't the ones to do it. Good to know. Agreed. And moving on.

* I minimize a lot. I catastrophize sometimes. Truth is probably somewhere in the middle. It doesn't matter, tho. As long as there is even one thing in my life I want to change? That's enough.

 

[sugnim]

ScandanavianGirl: I have the same feelings after each session with my shrink. I feel like she is irritated with me and would prefer that I stop going. Rescheduling is always awkward and uncomfortable. I'm not sure if she wants me to keep coming because she's getting paid, or if she'd like to hear me say that I won't be going back.

I work in law, and while I'm not a shrink, I spend a lot of time with lots of clients discussing personal issues. There are definitely some clients who I would love to say good bye to; I just don't want to be one of those clients for someone else.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Exactly - I guess we just have to trust they want to continue see us then. I have decided to tell him the next time I see him, that I dont plan going on much longer, but may need a few more sessions to work trough a couple of issues. Just so he knows I wont be coming for years sharing every aspect of my life as it developes;) I came to him in a crisis, now I am there because I need a little more support and work on my thinking and self-esteem. I hope it will pay off in future.

 

[Whyteferret]

So I have been in therapy for almost a year now , but I have only been there like once a month - I...

The first two words there are "what if." Are you borrowing a problem that doesn't really exist? Good therapists will start transitioning with you when/if both of you feel that reducing or ending therapy is a good move.
Maybe there's something inside you nudging you to take a "break" from therapy? It sounds like you have made some good progress. Sometimes people need/want a break to let it settle in, if that makes sense. Just a thought.

If you're really worried about it, talk to him.

 

[Sideways]

"I don't plan on going much longer...except to work on my thoughts and self-esteem"... Man if that isn't the most contradictory statement in the world if it had come out of my mouth!?!

I think it's Capital G Great that you know what you need out of therapy. Totally awesome. Too much therapy would send anyone completely mad...Just don't talk yourself into leaving because you're worried he's going to get in and pull the plug first;)

And at my end, I can confidently say that if there's one person in this world whose mind I CAN'T read, it's my T's!!

 

[Whyteferret]

"I don't plan on going much longer...except to work on my thoughts and self-esteem"... Man if th...

The good thing is we can always go back if we need. Recovery is a process. Sometimes we level out a bit, then we need help again. Things happen, things change.