I'm sorry to hear that. Yes, it's army. He was deployed from 2001 to 2009, 4 times, Iraq and Afghanistan. He ju...
Brokenheart- I am sorry, for your uncertainty and for what your vet has already been through and faces yet again. These guys are tough on the outside and yet fragile inside, when they let us in. Unfortunately when they have to put the warrior face back on, their softer side has to be quashed. If you haven't yet, you might want to check out information on combat training and what combat is really like. Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior is a great book on returning home and is written for the warrior. Its got good stuff for the career too. I think of the books I read, perhaps the most revealing of what its like for them in a combat zone is The Things They Cannot Say. I got both off Amazon.
Probably the one most eye opening passage for me was in Things They Cannot Say. One vet talks about assembling a patrol squad and if anyone whose turn it is, is struggling with things home side- be it something positive or negative- this guy is left behind because he's not able to turn it off and be 100% focused on the job at hand. They absolutely have to shut off all emotion, all thoughts of loved ones, good or bad. If they can't they put their own lives and those of their soldier brothers at risk.
The good news is, your guy and mine were highly skilled at this- they made it through repeated deployments because they had excellent focus in the field. The bad news is, that excellent survival skill has made them able to drop all emotional content instantly. Its become automatic when the signs and sounds around them require it, even if they are at home. They don't even think about it. Chances are, if he's deploying in June, your guy is already well back into his warrior head. Its not personal to you, but its what's he's been trained to do to survive.
Some of them, like who I still think of as mine, have been told repeatedly not to jump off a moving train- in other words they don't think they are ready to function in the civilian world. Mine has worked overseas three of the four years since he retired. His contract ends in June. He might come home- he might not. I dont know because aside from one email telling me- I'm ok thank you- I have not heard from him in seven weeks. I've reluctantly decided to accept that for my own good I have to see this as a blow off from him, at least for now, unless and until he pops back up. He's isolated before, but never for more than two weeks. That hurts and honestly I don't think he's the kind of man who would do that under ordinary circumstances. There's nothing I can do to fix the situation or coax him out of his isolation. I'll be here if he pops back up again and I've told him that very plainly. But for my own sanity I have to let go. I'm not looking to start a relationship with anyone else- he'll be a tough act to follow, our relationship was very close and very rewarding in so many ways. And- sorry, if this is TMI here, but I have an FWB from before meeting my vet- that's still an option, so I'm unlikely to go quickly into another relationship lack of that part. And that's no small motivator for a lot of people
You may well decide what you want to do and change your mind several times. That's ok. There are lots of options to do what you need to do for yourself. But you do have to take care of you.
