I like your post
@Cashew and I agree it is symplification.
I am at the beginning process with this therapist and while she doesn't discount my mention of parts, we are still in the discovery stage with each other.
That process, Deborah Kerr is moving in that huge dress and singing "Getting to Know You" in my head right now. Parts are seeing that little scene sarcastically, others are dreamy, others are Deborah Kerr singing and moving, another is insisting repeatedly "don't you dare call that dancing" while another or others are pleading can we please get back to the post, and another is excruciatingly embarrassed this is being written.
So, what the f*ck, this is what is going on in my head at any given moment. They are more than thoughts because, the "voices" for lack of a better word have different tones, different nuances, are different genders, different ages and while some agree we are, not one per say,
Okay someone just suggested perhaps we are one, like we're all connected universally and another said shut the f*ck up because there is no way, no how, they are one with some of the mamby pamby cry babies or hippie chicks in this assembly.
There are a few who are allowed their view point heard (this is said to the others who are bristling for whatever reason)
They think we are shattered parts of a born being who never had an opportunity to develop a "self".
It is not known why, when or how it was decided (but it was decided) to to stay cohesive enough to allow "me" at some point be the one who was ..... Not in control because sometimes I'm not but I am aware at varying degrees in the current moment as a grown woman, the me who I am now.
At the same time I so unaware of so much because it was also decided that to "get along" in the everyday living of life things needed to be kept from me. This was not only for my benefit, not by a long shot. The first priority of everyone on the assembly is to protect the children ( who are not part of the assembly). The children are susceptible being re-traumatized and while the assembly is unable to stop it altogether, that is the one thing they all agree upon and make it possible for them to be an Assembly.
They has their own views of the world, their own set of skills, their own vocabulary and their own way of learning, their own interests and their own agendas.
They flow through me at varying degrees at any given time.
Picture a container of fluid. This fluid is awareness. Now there is a specific amount of this fluid. If the single container was completely filled it would be a whole completely aware SELF in control of all thoughts and actions. As much as your average, not necessarily healthy but complete person would be.
Now picture a series of test tubes instead of a single container. They share that fluid and at any given time the fluid fluctuates from one tube to another. While there are some tubes who can be completely void of fluid, the tube that is me (not the before 10 me).
The tube that is me always has some fluid in it,
I am always aware to a certain degree but the level changes as different tubes pull that fluid in. When that happens that tube (part) is influencing the me who was put in the everyday life role. It could be for helpful reasons. Daisy loves to pretty things up, Alice is a helper and supporter and but not a mediator between the other parts. Some have their own agenda and some just need to be out for a bit like opening a window to get a breath of fresh air. There is some mediation but I'm not sure how it works.
Anyway, that fluid is continuously fluctuating and I have no clue how many tubes there are.
There are also chambers that open and close between the tubes so some of the tubes share awareness but close that chamber to other tubes.
*sighs*
This is information being explained to me as I write, so if you are still reading, you get a gold star.
There may or may not be "one" who is aware of all but ... I'm not sure if that is being withheld from me because in the words of whoever "That's none of my friggin business"
But the information is connected, perhaps not by one but: A,B and C know something. D, E and F know another thing G, H and I something else. C knows D and they share information while A&B and E&F are unaware of C&Ds connection. The same goes for F&G, this is a continuum . Now if there is a necessity and it is agreed upon, some information can be shared. So if A needed to know something for whatever reason, and H had that information G could share it with F allowing F to pass it on to D to C where the info gets shared with A. The other letters are kept out of thr loop, B might know information is being shared with A but has no interest in what it is.
Like a group of contractors working in a house at the same time. The electrician might need a tool and another electrician in another room have it. He calls the electrician on his cell phone and asks for the tool. The electrician getting this message hands the tool to the carpenter who is close by, who then hands it to the plumber, who hands it to the guy doing cement work, who then hands it to the other electrician. They pass it on to cooperate in getting the job done but have no interest in what is being passed on since it has nothing to do, not only with their job, but is unrecognizable since it is not a tool they ever have a need for, they just pass it on.
They don't mention it to the other plumbers or carpenters, that the two electricians had the exchange is not even mentioned to the other electricians. But if another electrician asks for the tool, they will call all the other electricians until they reach one of the two who knows where the tool is and the process will reverse.
This post is starting to make my head hurt and it has been decided enough has been shared for now. It will probably be revisited and tuned up here and there.
I might copy this to my diary later. Right now I need a break and I am no going to proofread.
