Trying to get out of dissociation but always get sucked back in

I've been dissociating since I was about 9 or 10 years old. It would usually happen when I was yelled at or beaten by my mom and none of my siblings would step in to help or defend me. I was also discouraged from standing up for myself so the only thing i could do was retreat into my mind. It's the earliest coping mechanism I have and I've done it for years and years at this point.

The problem is my real life has suffered immensely because of it. I'm approaching my mid 20s and I feel so behind in life. I spent my formative years stuck in my head so I don't have any essential life skills that I was supposed to build when I was younger. Whenever I try to stop dissoczting, all the years of pent up emotions resurface and I fall into deep depressive episodes where I spend all day in bed crying. The only thing that gets me out of it is dissociating and maladaptive daydreaming and living in my head again.

I don't know how to end this cycle and I feel like I'm digging myself a hole that's very difficult to get out of. I feel simultaneously older AND younger than my peers and I can't help but see how much I'm falling behind compared to people my age. Any tips or advice would be appreciated.

I have no tips but can relate to everything you wrote as I'm very avoidant of everything. Except I find it difficult to cry but I still breakdown and react to the pent up negative emotions in a range of unpredictable ways and I didn't receive any physical so it's like in weak for needing to escape into my mind when it's only emotional damage and there's no visible scars to show for it (all the damage on my body is from me lol).

Having no one to rely on must have made you more intelligent and creative as you have to solve most things alone I imagine? Maybe it's my own daydream talking... I don't plan to ever 'grow up' or even 'live' in this world!

mimi000 said:

all the years of pent up emotions resurface

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Thing about unprocessed trauma - it all just keeps coming until we process it. Our trauma doesn’t stay buried. At some point, it will likely become necessary to work through the emotions that keep rearing their head each time you get grounded.

Building routines into your day that empty out your stress cup can be really helpful for managing overwhelming emotions, which can make it less necessary for our brain to keep resorting to dissociating as a way to cope.

Grounding is a skill that we can build up like a muscle. Unpracticed, we typically aren’t all that great at it. Practicing mindfulness throughout the day (at points where you aren’t feeling overwhelmed) helps our brains both normalise the experience of being present in the moment, and get ourselves grounded more quickly when we do get lost in our heads and need to ground.

parrotthepolly said:

I have no tips but can relate to everything you wrote as I'm very avoidant of everything. Except I find it difficult to cry but I still breakdown and react to the pent up negative emotions in a range of unpredictable ways and I didn't receive any physical so it's like in weak for needing to escape into my mind when it's only emotional damage and there's no visible scars to show for it (all the damage on my body is from me lol).

Having no one to rely on must have made you more intelligent and creative as you have to solve most things alone I imagine? Maybe it's my own daydream talking... I don't plan to ever 'grow up' or even 'live' in this world!

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I don't think I'm really more intelligent or creative tbh. When I sit and think about it, my daydreams don't really involve anything interesting happening. It's just me getting the love and validation I never receive in my life. I don't think there's any upsides to it

Sideways said:

Thing about unprocessed trauma - it all just keeps coming until we process it. Our trauma doesn’t stay buried. At some point, it will likely become necessary to work through the emotions that keep rearing their head each time you get grounded.

Building routines into your day that empty out your stress cup can be really helpful for managing overwhelming emotions, which can make it less necessary for our brain to keep resorting to dissociating as a way to cope.

Grounding is a skill that we can build up like a muscle. Unpracticed, we typically aren’t all that great at it. Practicing mindfulness throughout the day (at points where you aren’t feeling overwhelmed) helps our brains both normalise the experience of being present in the moment, and get ourselves grounded more quickly when we do get lost in our heads and need to ground

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thanks so much for the tips! it's definitely something I need to keep working on.

hello mimi. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

total empathy on the difficulty of kicking the dissociation habit. mine has proven so therapy resistant that i fell back on a personal theory of, "don't cure it. train it." i find dissociation downright helpful for getting through stressful situations. the problems arise when i attempt to re-engage in life. i started with observation of the mechanics of my dissociative state. once i understood those mechanics, i developed ways to break the dissociative state once its usefulness had passed. "tactile grounding techniques" have been my most effective tool for that job. there are tons of suggestions on the internet. it's worth a surf.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. welcome aboard.

arfie said:

hello mimi. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

total empathy on the difficulty of kicking the dissociation habit. mine has proven so therapy resistant that i fell back on a personal theory of, "don't cure it. train it." i find dissociation downright helpful for getting through stressful situations. the problems arise when i attempt to re-engage in life. i started with observation of the mechanics of my dissociative state. once i understood those mechanics, i developed ways to break the dissociative state once its usefulness had passed. "tactile grounding techniques" have been my most effective tool for that job. there are tons of suggestions on the internet. it's worth a surf.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. welcome aboard.

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thanks so much for the tips. I've not heard of tactile grounding techniques before but I'll definitely look into it

mimi000 said:

I've been dissociating since I was about 9 or 10 years old. It would usually happen when I was yelled at or beaten by my mom and none of my siblings would step in to help or defend me. I was also discouraged from standing up for myself so the only thing i could do was retreat into my mind. It's the earliest coping mechanism I have and I've done it for years and years at this point.

The problem is my real life has suffered immensely because of it. I'm approaching my mid 20s and I feel so behind in life. I spent my formative years stuck in my head so I don't have any essential life skills that I was supposed to build when I was younger. Whenever I try to stop dissoczting, all the years of pent up emotions resurface and I fall into deep depressive episodes where I spend all day in bed crying. The only thing that gets me out of it is dissociating and maladaptive daydreaming and living in my head again.

I don't know how to end this cycle and I feel like I'm digging myself a hole that's very difficult to get out of. I feel simultaneously older AND younger than my peers and I can't help but see how much I'm falling behind compared to people my age. Any tips or advice would be appreciated.

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Yeah, as kids everyone is molded by their caregivers, environment, personality and genetics instead of being given what they need to create themselves off the rip. As one ages it gets heavier and heavier because we have been racking up the weight of memory and experience, sinking us below the ocean's surface of life.

Sideways said:

Thing about unprocessed trauma - it all just keeps coming until we process it. Our trauma doesn’t stay buried. At some point, it will likely become necessary to work through the emotions that keep rearing their head each time you get grounded.

Click to expand...

Yup. With all the work we have don and how much I think I'm better at times - dissociation is right around the corner, closer than you would believe.

You've been given a lot of good advice. As a pro at dissociating (heh), I agree with what Sideways and Arfie sad. One of the things T had me do waas practice skills in places that were easy to management. So, for example when talking to a cashier, being fully present and grounded. Or when walking my dog. Things like that

Hello Mimi000

CPTSD has stages, and your in the dissociation stage that you can manage. Techniques that have helped me are: senses: engage all senses can you move your left hand fingers and then right hand fingers, and then walk and touch different parts of self or if needed focus on a tree or landmark you can walk to and then practice mindfullness and bring yourself back to the moment and see what is aroudn you and mentally or whisper them.

Then get something to eat and drink as cptsd takes more fructose energy and you might need to review you needs: have you eaten today? Have you met drinking a liter of water or various drinks like organic juices and coconut water today? Do you take vitamins? Is there a place to do some self care, manicure, pedicure, massage, acupuncture, reiki, hair color or cuts, have you bought yourself a new outfit or whats you favorite item now and can you wear or hold this grounding object?I like healing crystals staring with turqouise, rose quartz, amazonite, smoky quartz, amethyst, and larimar. Also citrine. Or a favorite item, like a keychain item of your faith or fav charachter or something of your attachment to help you, something with good balance memoires like your career or favorite vacation or safe olace like a forest, lake, hiking trail, beach. Carrying or wearing a seashell or pear jewlery or looking at your forrest friend or rose print flower blouse can help too.

Next, do you have a practice, self care practicem made into a ritual, Ritual has been more effective than mindfullness so combinded will be more helpful. Gentle yoga or lighting a candle each day and saying mantra, prayer or a self care bath with intention to be loving and kind to yourself.

Also consider the hooponopono hawaiian mantra for the self or your intention of I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. As you handled traumatic instances and the goal to integrate joy, happiness and boundaries. What triggered you to dissociate is a clue of your surroundings and what you can practice self care and boundaries with as you matter.



Also some tapping works faster than emdr, use both hands and heres the sequence:

• Inner eyebrow
• Side of the eye
• Under the eye
• Under the nose
• Chin point (crease under the lower lip)
• Collarbone point
• Under the arm (about four inches below the armpit)
• Top of the head

I like also wearing tight long sleeve shirts and yoga pants including under my jeans or outfit much of the time and is very healing self hug effect, and grounding, and maxi dresses or shift dresses tight help feel better too and might help you. Spend a week in yoga workout athleisure and see the difference compared to loose jeans and shirts alone. I relocated to a incredibly hot humid area and cant wear as much clothing yet Im evaluating the effects of sunshine and access to more beach time with incredible weather.

When a funhouse mirror just walk and get some food and focus on a landmark.

I caution you with too much medical record as some people will invade your life and you can manage this as many do not understand cptsd and as a survivor, they can start a smear campaign for this so be cautious as you can 100 percent manage this with these techniques and incorportate the much needed self love and enjoyment in your life, and abusers dont like boundaries which is what cptsd needs constant review of boundaries like townsend and cloud or other daily reminders of boundaries and whats healthy. Its your life not theirs.

Dua Lippa Illusion, keep singing this to those haters that caused triggers.

Do you like to sing, dance and listen to bass or go for a drive?

Hold me closer tiny dancer, hug yourself.