Overwhelmed

Got triggered earlier today. Husband and I shopping said we have to be aware of how much groceries are going up. One of our payday is about 1 week away. I have working on other things. Making appointments we got a new used vehicle etc. We do not control price increases. Nothing to do but purchase what we need. I need to work more on my diet with FODMAP issues. He is asking what about buying this or that before I have had time to study further. I am just tired. Filing taxes etc. I lost my emotional control said I don't care if prices go so high we all starve. I have the right to not react to any news. Too many phone calls. Copies of checking account had to be made because for 2025 of NM will not issue my refund with additional verification. It got hot here in March already near 90 with UV index of 10. I am just running or feeling like it from one thing to another with completing something. I keep a task list but this is crazy. If my earlier posts about tighter boundaries - this is why.

I chose to fight against an abusive workplace. Three of my workmates committed suicide. One died at work trying to meet a production quota. Hundreds were fired so that their pensions could be seized by the company prior to vesting. They were replaced by workers who then had no insurance. And the cycle continued. Long story short - I fought a billionaire in courtrooms, in the state capital, in social media, and everywhere I could. I was threatened and attacked physically, verbally, emotionally and every way they could.
In the end I too lost my job. My wife had to go live elsewhere. We lost everything. Except my car. I slept in Walmart parking lots at 5 below zero. Six months in my car. Eventually, I found a little 12 X 17 office space for $250.00 a month. I couldn't legally live in it. But I did. A tiny frig, a microwave and skillet. and 24/7 health club a mile away with showers. And I carried on the fight. I think it was for my sanity. A federal court order allowed me to keep working there minimal hours so I could pay the monthly rent. There were fast food restaurants nearby that i could not afford to eat at. But after they closed (around 3 a.m., I could pick up the loose change at the drive-ups and have grocery money. Some nights $8.00!! Hot dogs and beans. I had been well paid all my life. Owned and run businesses. This was all new. I learned that Starbucks customers threw on average 8 times the coins on the ground that Dunkin Donuts customers did (cheapskates!).
I spent three years in that office. Alone. Scavenging. Wondering why the world was so cruel. But always working, fighting in court, and looking for a way forward.
I started learning about PTSD. I started learning about malignant narcissists. I started learning about me.

Anyway..... enough of that.....

I guess what I'd like to say:
I'm 7 years beyond those days. I miss the three years in that little room. Every day life was so simple and so much better than where I had been.
I knew nobody could take it from me. I knew I could afford the rent each month. There was food and a place to rest my head. Every night. Every single night!

I've since found goodpaying work elsewhere. My wife and I have a secure living situation. But am I happier? Do I choose to be? What do I need? More and more now that I have more? Do I destress?

I often miss how simple that was. Possibly the least stressful 3 years of my life, in many ways.

It's so hard to stay happy and simple when every moment the world, social media, advertising; all tell you how unhappy and inadequate you really need to feel. And that is bullshit. Life is meant to be happy, joyous, and free!

Damn right you have the right not to react! You're both doing fine and the world should just leave you alone-stressors included. Thank you!

I'm sorry if I rambled and I didn't mean to steal your thread. I relate to the triggers and threats am working on destressing and blocking my negative stimuli right now too. Smiles....

Thank you. He is a veteran. He has ptsd too. He believes everyone should haha read discuss news. He decides how to react from the news. With AI algorhythms etc the amgdala is activated not pre frontal cortex. I had to tell him we are not guaranteed another moment or day. I can only handle one thing at a time. We are fine but need to tread carefully. He has openly argued with people of different political viewpoints. We just bought a used vehicle. Rather I did. With my credit. We needed it. Thank you for your support. I fact check multiple times. Read medical journals. Boundaries with who I am around. He is a good man but watching this s...t show non stop instead of working on yourself is a mistake.

Amen to that. Your last sentence rings so true. Thanks.

Thank you for your supportive words.