Feeling Overwhelmed: Depression and Anxiety Signs

[MrDave]

I can't do mornings because I'm on other meds (and I've just been like this my whole life).

I have a wife and 2 kids and I know my wife hates me because my trauma becomes hers and her burden weighs heavier.

I'm not the dad I want to be or the husband I want to be. I've been told at triage I likely 2026 for a diagnosis even though I should have had one by now.

My family think I have depression and there is potential anxiety too.

But I can't get an appointment at the doctor's for the later as they will not book ahead.

I need support and help that's not 'just stick in there' I think my n family will be better without me and every day think about how I could leave to make them happy in the long term.

I don't like who I have become

 

[arfie]

hello mister dave. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

I don't like who I have become

this was the key to my becoming the parent and spouse i want to be. being so uneasy with who i was and where i had been was an ongoing blockage to believing in who i was becoming. it is far easier to know where i am going with an honest appraisal of where i have been and where i am in the here and now. i don't believe it is possible to give pure love when all i know is hatred for myself. while i am hating on myself, i have no love to give.

dunno if that fits your case, or knot, but i thought i'd throw it out there by way of welcoming you aboard.

gentle support while you sort your own case.

 

[scout86]

I know my wife hates me because

Can I gently challenge that? A lot of times, we THINK we know what someone else thinks or feels, but sometimes we're wrong. Maybe it's easy to assume that others hate us when we're busy hating ourselves, IDK. There are a lot of people on this forum who have had those feelings (including me). I can assure you that there's an "other side" to come out on. It's tough without professional help though. Sounds like you're encountering some major roadblocks to getting help. Can you tell us a little more about that? This is a good place to find ideas that have worked for other people.

Last, and not least, DO hang in there. I've had a couple friends kill themselves, thinking the people in their lives would be better off without them. They were wrong. The people they left behind miss them everyday and the world would have been better off with them in it.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I share many of your feelings. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 3 months ago. Two weeks later my wife decided we needed to live apart. Since then my emotional dysregulation has been near constant. But I dove head first into treatment. I was put on a medication to modulate my emotions and it helps. My anxiety is also helped by that medication. I am being treated in Salt Lake City for the symptoms of PTSD which I am told can be greatly relieved in an average of 15 sessions. I didn’t believe that so I looked online and found that the VA says 8 to 13 sessions so I guess it is possible. This treatment does not address the underlying trauma which I have started therapy on. We have started marriage counseling and already my wife has eased up on contact with her. We are doing a once a week date night, a once a week one hour zoom call. Daily emails and texts as well as other shorter calls. To me this is amazing progress in a little over two months. There is hope. If I can do it, anyone can. I have found my greatest tools are total honesty about every aspect of my behavior and being totally vulnerable. My relationships with my kids has never been better and my wife is moving in the right direction.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I also feel guilt/shame when I can’t give as a wife and mother (even though I do for them when I’m suffering/struggling.) This lead to an interesting conversation with my daughter: “did your (asshole) mother ever show guilt?” I really had a loooong think on this and to my horror, I can’t recall a single incident whereby the whore that raised me exhibited any guilt whatsoever. Now, I realize, that’s not normal !

Anyway, I noticed I’m sliding into depression. My hygiene slides, my sleep goes to shit, either not sleeping enough or oversleeping and perpetual fatigue.

So, I started keeping to a sleep schedule and getting some exercise every day (can be just walking.) Seeing sunshine helps me too.

I am a bit down due to my dog’s probable cancer and some other stuff but I’m trying to take things one day or one minute, at a time.