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Just had a big breakthrough journaling! When things that make me feel bad/sad/ lots of hard emotions are out of my control, I attempt to make myself feel miserable of my own accord. (going back to not good enough belief) in order to feel like my emotions are in my control and I have a "reason"...

thank you @Movingforward10 luckily I could get in with another therapist to process everything. I'm trying to journal and such to help but I definitely needed that extra help.

Hi @Movingforward10 thank you. I slept really well which is good, but I immediately started berating myself when I got up because I didn't have a text back from someone. I'm such a loser they have friends and go out and I'm just a loser bc all my friends live far apart. I will have to try more...

I stabilized for about an hour then had another destabilizing event and have been in panic attack mode for 4 hours. I'm such an idiot for thinking I could live on my own no one's going to put up with me like this. I really want to relapse to calm myself down.

No matter what I do or accomplish I'm not good enough. There's always something I can compare myself to to make me feel like I'm not worthy or deserve things. I just looked at a friend's instagram account and saw how much more engagement they had than me despite having less followers (which I...

Hello all. I got some hard news today. My therapist passed away suddenly after some non-covid health problems. I'm torn up. There were things we disagreed on, but we always came back to a conversation. I and he both considered us friends. I had just finished up my sessions with him and we were...

Sorry I'm just seeing this, but I'm right here with you. We get one set of rights and more taken away. My thoughts and care to you.

That's really helpful thank you @pam4him ! I actually have some cupcakes, I could put a candle on them and celebrate 5 years free!! I've been crying most nights, that seems to help. Yesterday I went to sleep early because I couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. I'll try the shower with low light...

I rested all morning and had some successes planning things that make me happy this afternoon, along with getting work done! It seems to hit me when the sun goes down. I feel worst when the sun goes down. I used to go to sleep before the sun went down during this time of the year but if I did...

Right now the only thing that's helping me is sleep. I'm completely fired, can't think of anything. So, I'm just going to sleep a lot!!

Thank you @Ronin I wasn't able to do a shower, but getting under a weighted blanket with a heating pad was good for self soothing. Laying in bed is the only thing I can do to not think haha, I've tried mediations and all too which help some but not all. I let myself sleep in today too. I know I...

The last two nights the anxiety has been bad, but tonight it's horrific. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack any minute. I'm having so much happen, two possible moves, a trip, moving from my childhood home, family issues and I think this is an anniversary date of a rape. I also am back...

I had a bad moment with it today. Sort of edged into conversation about about it and felt rejected. I feel like if I tell them the truth about me they won't like me. I didn't respond to the message I felt rejected in.

Thank you @lee23 that makes a lot of sense! I'll keep working on it, things are escalating more quickly but I'm starting to feel comfortable sharing more, which is good too. I thought things were going to go slower but honestly, this feels good too bc there's boundaries.

@TruthSeeker it did, and I splatted haha. But back to feeling pretty good this morning!!

I don't think I could afford online therapy, unless I did find one that I could just do a session a month to check in! I'm going to be moving, possibly twice this year. I think I'm so happy because I have something to look forward to for the first time since this pandemic started. I haven't had...

thank you @TruthSeeker and @joeylittle ! I'll check out the NAMI resources. We're still in quarantine here, and my old T is out for two weeks. I may look more into online therapy. I did some serious self care and lifted myself out of the terrible down mood, but now I'm on a HUGE upswing. I know...

I no longer clinically fit the description for borderline but still have borderline traits. I was doing REALLY well, no symptoms other than a lapse into self harm due to overwhelm a few months ago at the start of the pandemic (really bad, intense emotions and my relationships with people...

Idk if this is at all helpful, but I didn't catch it but my friend had a similar experience, it lasted almost two weeks and they're finally starting to feel better now. I think this thread is an awesome idea and boosting it!!

I was doing really well with this! Like over two weeks I was okay. Today I felt suddenly very insecure despite all signs pointing in the opposite direction, towards someone liking me. This evening I had what I call a BPD wave. Suddenly very angry and certain this person was going to abandon me...

Yep it's time @LuckiLee I'll be moving within a few weeks/a month so I think I'll decide once I'm in my new place, I don't think my insurance will carry over. I was thinking about doing some of those Better Help stuff, but idk. I think what I have is too much for those apps.

Thank you @LuckiLee !

I think today is the anniversary of one particular sexual assault that happened because I was trying to protect the guy that assaulted me because he was inebriated past point of recognition and was about to walk out onto a wet motel hallway while so drunk he couldn't walk. I don't really...

Back to nothing I do is right and everything I do is stupid and I’ll never succeed at anything. I’m writing a novel. I can’t write. I’ve been blocked for weeks now. I just want to scream. I’ve tried to dissect it from every angle but it just comes back to “it’s stupid and poorly executed and you...

I was able to get some things done!! back to cranked up anxiety again but going to do some more self care tonight and start again tomorrow. It seems like if I can get myself to get into somewhat of a routine or distract myself to accomplish something I feel better, so I'm just going to keep...