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Hugs Ms. Spock.

I have therapist and meds @runswithwolves and have for years. Things have come back to bring me so far down its hard seeing up. Have been doing somewhat better past two days. I've gone up on a med that I hope helps with the symptoms I'm having. It sucks that a few days ago I felt like...

My emotions are such a mess. When I get depressed its way down at the almost lost the will to live level. Then another week or so later I'm angry all the time and go off easily and want to smash everything that is keeping me here, push everyone and everything away. Scream at them why do you...

Meditated

1. I hate dealing with a new set of symptoms. 2. My thoughts were irrational last night and I had trouble rationalizing them. 3.I hate that I couldn't calm my mind down. 4. I need to find a way to re direct myself before I loose control of my thoughts and actions. 5. I don't know what to do...

Congrats!!!-!

Diagnosis gives a name to this awful mess in my head. A way to find what is behind my actions. Why I'm seeing the same stuff over and over and sometimes experiencing some sensations as well. I thought I was looking my mind. I can learn about a diagnosis and how to survive it.

Its hard to talk about things. At first when I felt I could tell my husband I wrote to him. Things too painful that saying them out loud makes them present and I feel some sensations like having my hands held above my head and being pushed to my knees so I could be beaten with a yard stick...

Granola that my daughter and I made in a slow cooker last night

Guessing thing to do is ignore her unless she says hello.

A few weeks ago I went to my aa meeting and someone new was there and said hi to me. At the time I was having a trauma anniversary and became very hypervigilant and panicked. To the point of wanting to run screaming out of there because every noise was louder to me and people walking above in...

Trying to figure out how to get it through to my sponsor not everyone needs to be around people all the time. I'm an introvert and even more so without the alcohol. Being alone most of the time has been healing. People caused my trauma so I have a few trust issues etc. You can't force...

Thinking I have to start getting out of the house more. I know that if I mention going for a walk in the morning before I bring her to her train for school that she will nag me into it.

Thank you for sharing the babies. So cute.

I've been with my therapist for 5 years +. At this point I've crossed every boundary that I had set internally. Pretty much had seen me mentally and emotionally "naked" without it all. Now begins the work towards making sense of all of it. Going over the "anatomy" of family history to get to...

Auto correct.

If only I was: a good kid, wasn't a girl, wasn't a child, was stronger, had a different father, wasn't un lovable because of my temper, etc. Its scary to think and admit that I was powerless against generations of abuse in my family passed down to my parents that they decided I had to in...

I've found what I'm going to put my aa coin hoard in. I have a "treasure box" with gargoyles on it on my desk. Haven't put anything of real importance in it till now. Also getting myself a desk minion cat gargoyle mini for the occasion.

Yep I have that as well. Omg who's this and when did this happen? I hate pictures of myself honestly.

If there were any time ever to call in sick this is it. If you re injure yourself while recovering from surgery possibly more surgery or further time off after the damage is repaired. And flu on top. Agree with @Friday universe says stay home till you are well.

Wet

Thanks @Tinyflame and @Deanna . I'm looking back instead of forwards. Having trouble giving up the time I had. Having a bipolar cycle and being diagnosed with it was not something I was expecting. I know ptsd comes with co morbids just didn't think I'd get this. And it whipped me around...

I was given my 1 month coin for aa last night. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I had been sober for 5 years 2 months previously which was good. The other I had a relapse. That I had a relapse drinking a bottle of vanilla feels stupid. It was enough to get me buzzed and I know...

When you go to a meeting and the topic for the day is fears and you can't discuss it because every time the door to the room closes to me is a slam. Hypervigilence and panic kick in. Then everything is too loud. Everything feels like a threat. Have to see all that doors. There's too many...

Honestly having a really down day. If I go upstairs now I won't be coming down again. And my husband is cooking dinner. Scheduling dinner followed by isolation and possibly falling apart. I really feel like I can't fall apart around my husband and kids. It feels weak to me.