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During session today, my T appeared to instigate and antagonise one of the parts who has made it known she doesn't like her. But the part cannot come out for a few reasons. She's mean, angry and couldn't care less what the T says to her. But our T tried stirring her up and the pushback was the...

I hate myself and who I've been. I have no dignity and self worth, so how can I fight? What if we're realizing our entire life has been spent searching for a friend who would always be around or trying to act and think certain ways in an effort to fit in? I read the numourous journals I've done...

Same here. Can never get out verbally but have always journaled. Thank u

I can't draw and don't really like to either. However, the angry ones inside do. When those others draw, I know I'm holding the pencil but from there nothing. Yesterday during session, despite much hesitation those dark drawings were shared with her. A lot of the writing has to do with how much...

The body. It's taken the role for just about everything and because of it, its exhausted. Literally unable to move once home and no desire to talk. Tomorrow at work if we make it, will be a lonely day. A part of the many of me is so heartbroken that the world will never be the same. And somehow...

Thanks everyone. I guess its the whole fragmented thing I'm struggling with. Being the classic but quiet borderline, I desire friendships but don't have the patience, and trust. I'm in my own world bothered by things even I can't explain so for now, going to work head down with the desire to...

I've seen her going on 10 years so she knows how I am but I will bring it up next week. I guess it's par for the course since I'm trying to undue a system that I've lived with my entire life so it makes sense then right?

My T and I have, lets say "amped" up treatment by adding an additional day a week and requests the both of us work harder. Now, with BPD and other diagnoses, the hard wired myths seem to stirring around. And of course any of my mean parts resist any change. It appears if I try and work on...

Sadly I'm the same. I either blank or begin to talk then loose train of thought, or garble or listen to them in my head. Sometimes garble comes out too. Rest assured, after the session, they have tons to say.

Anyone else caught in this? I'd rather just go away then deal with what the depression brings. But, my T and I are working on grounding so I can only assume it's stirring the "others" inside. The rebels part in me is not agreeing to this or anything else and I'm not at the point of telling her...

I have "parts" that refuse to speak or come around my T. We tell her its only for her protection. We cannot afford to loose the relationship. In time, in time and we go very slowly..

Its a horrible place to be in, "we" know. Its relentless and exhausting and all that encompasses it. Its feeling so very alone all the time. No one other than my T knows about it if that tells you something. I see the concept of friends but we don't trust any enough. And my mean one tells me...

So my T tries grounding me prior to leaving. Although "we" can get semi grounded before leaving, as soon as we leave her office, gone. The rest of tonight and next few days will be hell. Yes she knows this and a second appt in the week is soon to be added. Still, the parts are loud, and...

Simplistic was used loosely because in my world, its everything but simple. Its as if I need to be re taught things such as, why humans need to interact, what is a friend and how do we have them without ruining it, and basically way back when clearly I was in survival mode therefore wasn't...

So lets just say one part is both enraged and entertained in a sarcastic way all because the T put their foot down. Oh I could go on and on with how that part is willing to intentionally counter act everything cause SHE is mad. The other parts get it and generally make sense. Any suggestions how...

Im sure with the holiday approaching, that will occupy us with other crap. But its this never ending cluster of of depression and all its lovely symptoms that cease from being stopped....change in routine suck

Thank you for your kind words. Perhaps the most frustrating overall is a part of me knows she's returning, and its not that long. However, other parts ruminate on it which feeds all of the rest...

Yup, it's engrained inside and we're aware why but, it doesn't make it easier. My T's email confirmed her absence of a week and it's not as if I'm necessarily going to need her but....we don't like change or when things are out of place. Adds to the chaos inside and outside of my head. And, I'm...

I've already labeled myself as crazy or the different one in my office. I use headphones to drown the forever annoying sounds/voices. Problem is, my back is faced away from people and all day long leaving me paranoid and always jumping out of my seat. I bring my blanket, screw everyone. I just...

I'm not sure if you know anything about Borderline people but for me, its called abandonment, not codependent. Entirely different because it comes from a different place.

Every single thing irritates "me" and because of that, that irritates us even more. I see it. I see how we can possibly overvalue someone or idolize and it can last a couple years and then...that person becomes the most irritating individual to be around. If I look further, this is someone I...

Thank you. I admire how you write and hope one day I too my mind will be more at ease.

Well it was a nice two days of decreased agitation. But, its back and stronger than ever. I'm tired of the assumption that I have nothing going on in my life, therefore I'm told I'll do this and that. I'm tired of listening to everyone complaining both at work and home. I am ready to tell...

Like: Stupid person who has no idea who they are because any given moment, I could be many. Like an empty pin cushion always being poked at. Like one has a movie on but its on fast forward mode and desperately trying to pay attention

Thank u. I guess I was hoping for someone to validate from the perspective that this "trait" must of allowed me to survive way back when. And don't get me wrong, when caught, hell to pay as in my father. You'd question then why I would continue this behavior? I have little to no one I can trust...