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This could have been written by me. It's hard to get to that point where we suddenly see that it was her all along, and not some deficiency in our character -- or just us being "needy" when we actually needed things!!

Yes, because I never learned what trust is supposed to feel like. I didn't have any reliable adult presence in my life besides my mom, and she was emotionally unstable and verbally abusive and obviously couldn't be trusted either for life advice or with my feelings. In fact, the day I decided to...

Hi! Boy I wish the internet was a bigger, better thing when I was in my 20s, because having a forum like this back then would have helped SO much. Instead I muddled through the first 12-15 years of my adult life not understanding why I couldn't seem to figure out how to be a functioning adult...

This is interesting to think about. I currently have a job that is a pretty good fit for me, but I'm one of the few people who actually reports directly to the CEO (it's a small company of about 20 people). He's also the only other writer at the agency besides me. He almost never gets involved...

I would also say neglect. It's been hard to understand the definition of neglect in terms of my own experience--you think of kids just left alone for days at a time to fend completely for themselves, no food, no supervision, etc. But it's really anything that ignores the basic material and...

Agree with everyone who says talk to a doctor. I did that when I was dating my ex with herpes. Unfortunately there is no "cure" for it, and anything that claims to be a cure is a swindle. But my ex did take Valtrex, and my doctor said that taking something like that does help lessen the risk of...

My ex had herpes. He was very up front about it, did everything he was supposed to do to keep it from flaring up, and we took all the precautions we needed to keep it from putting me at risk. I never got it. A LOT of people are affected by STDs, you'd be surprised how many, and their romantic...

It's weird, it just makes me kind of sad. I'm in my late 30s so a lot of my peers have little kids, and hearing parenting anecdotes about a father comforting his 2 year old at the dentist or a mother teaching her son little tidbits of emotional self reliance sometimes make me feel so jealous...

My father took his own life when I was 4, and my mother was emotionally and psychologically abusive to me my whole life, something I'm only just now truly understanding (although I went no-contact about five years ago and never looked back). Like @Beemo3780 said, it's obvious now that she is...

This is a really interesting point. I used to cook a lot, but now I've been working intensively on my manuscript and have been cooking a lot less to make more time for that. I did just join a community gardening group in my neighborhood, so maybe that will help in this area.

I struggle with this as well. I want to be my "authentic" self and really connect with people, but I also know that "authentic" self is formed out of some stuff they have no context for understanding. It sometimes feels like most people's conversations, especially in a group, are exclusionary in...

it does seem to be a pattern that most people are self centered, or they have never been raised to have concern for other people. if they feel like you're the person they can go to with their problems -- congratulations, it means you come across as a warm caring person! don't stop being that...

I'm the same way. Excelled effortlessly all through school, and still didn't think I was capable of anything but waitressing until my early 30s. I remember once in community college staying up all night to finish a research paper for an Honors Art History class that I was convinced wasn't good...

I'm a writer too and I struggle with this. However, every writers' newsletter and social media feed I read tells me that this is the common feeling of almost all (if not all) writers. The advice that is constantly circulated is that being a writer means pushing through it and writing anyway...

Thank you so much for the encouraging words! I guess it's easy for me to accept that I have the talent and am continually working to develop better skills and more experience, even without those splashy things on my CV. I just feel that my history isolates me, socially, professionally...

I didn't enter the professional world until almost my mid-30s, for a lot of reasons. Mostly because depression, low self-worth and lack of good social and networking skills due to severe emotional/psychological abuse growing up kept me from seeing other possibilities for myself. I waitressed and...

It's because for a lot of people they are triggers. I noticed the site redesign @7Cs but I didn't even think of that (severe emotional abuse growing up but no other types of trauma, so images don't tend to be triggers for me). But I think you're absolutely right, they seem like the opposite of...

YES to all this. I don't know how I managed to get through my 20s on my own. I had literally zero reliable adult role models growing up and really only my mother to learn from. Much like others have said, she taught me a lot -- that I was impossible to deal with, that I was uncooperative and...

Hi! Found the forum a couple months ago and have found it really helpful. I've been "diagnosed" with CPTSD (in quotes, because it's not yet an official diagnosis in the books, but many mental health professionals believe it should be, mine included) somewhat recently after finally cracking...

It sounds like they may actually be trying to validate your experiences and let you know you have a right to feel exactly the way you do -- although it sounds like they may not be communicating that super clearly. I haven't been through nearly what you have but I know how easy it is for us to...

Hey don't be too hard on yourself for "putting yourself in harm's way!" Sure when we look back at those moments we're like, "Wow what was I thinking," but all you were thinking was about protecting other people. If the two of you hadn't been there, he might not have given up so easily!

These are beautiful! Street photography does seem like such a redemptive pursuit. You can shoot hundreds of pictures a day and you never know when that ONE will jump out that has just the right unexpected combination of elements :)

When I knew it was my 17 year old cat's time, I didn't want to take him to the vet either. He was so terrified of the vet experience. Fortunately I found an AMAZING service online called Pet Loss at Home. They have vets nationwide who come to your home for peaceful euthanasia. There are...

I have a touch of sciatica so sometimes I say I'm going to the chiropractor. I'm also a fan of acupuncture so sometimes I say that's where I'm going, because it's something you can do all the time or almost never, it's up to you. It's also wellness-oriented, so you don't have to field follow-up...

I think it means that like many other diseases, it can't be "erased" or somehow taken away -- instead it's something that we "manage." We learn ways to manage the symptoms with behavioral therapy, meditation, possibly prescription medications, etc; we manage its effects on our lives. I remember...