"worst Case..."

[trying2movefwd]

My doctor told me today that I have the worst case of ptsd she has ever seen. I had a counselor look at me once when I said, There are people who have had it worse, she shook her head , said "no", "I've never met anyone whose had it worse than you.
WHAT?!?!? Why are they telling me this! It makes me feel bad like either they see me as hopeless or a faker... maybe im a faker that would be better than being hopeless!!!# The stupid jerk who sexually and otherways abused me for 12 years when i was just a kid, im so mad! He did this to me!!!! And then the man I thought I could trust, my own husband just had to take advantage of me when I was very sick and weak, he triggered it all! I haven't been the same since.
I hate that I have had repeated trauma...including the traumatic death of my first child, the completed suicide of a cousin,
. I'm so angry, saddened, and at the same time feel myself detatching. But I needed to vent this out. Thankfully Im not in the hospital tonight so despite this, I am okay and I am safe right now.

 

[ladee]

Not sure why they would tell you that. I don't know how I would process this.
But you aren't a fake and you are not hopless.
Am very glad to know you are safe!
You know we are here for you.
Sending gentle hugs and lots of hope.

 

[LadyZane]

It sounds like they may actually be trying to validate your experiences and let you know you have a right to feel exactly the way you do -- although it sounds like they may not be communicating that super clearly.

I haven't been through nearly what you have but I know how easy it is for us to downplay what happened to us and tell ourselves that someone else has it worse. It's almost like we think we don't deserve to feel angry or cheated! And I really think it means we still have our compassion and empathy despite everything that has happened to us -- we're still not so wrapped up in ourselves that we can't recognize when other people are struggling and feel for them. AND I also think it shows how strong we are -- that we've gotten through it all and we're still standing where we are, and we don't necessarily recognize how much we've endured and how hard we've worked to be here.

Whatever those doctors said, I think it sounds like you are far from "hopeless"!!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I love how you put that @LadyZane . I agree completely that we do often want to downplay what happened to convince ourselves that it really wasn't that bad or "I'm way overreacting..."

I don't know if your therapist is calling you on it @trying2movefwd but from your post, I don't get the impression that you're downplaying the seriousness of the situation. I really don't know why your therapist would say that. I wonder if there really is a "worst case of PTSD".

Regardless, your name speaks well for you. Loud and clear. If things are really dark right now than you're still fighting. Definitely not hopeless!

 

[VioletButterfly]

@trying2movefwd - I hear and feel what you are saying. Sending hugs and a prayer if that's okay. Glad to know you are safe. VB