Working with an animal abuse case

[Muttly]

I am going to keep this vague because I know how triggering/upsetting animal abuse is to people and I don't want to give away any information that could compromise my privacy. Anyway, I work at a veterinary clinic. It's my job, but like so many in my field it's also a life-long calling.

Anyway, there was a really terrible animal abuse case here. My clinic has stepped in to help. We are at the worst PTSD time of year for me and the last few months (year?) has been tough for me, so I have already been struggling. Without just not working at the clinic, I can't really avoid being involved. I think, at this point being involved is going to be better. If I am helping, at least I'm doing something.

Having said that, I am struggling. Also, my therapist has been out of town this last week so I can't even reach out to him. Not that I would between sessions. I know yesterday morning I freaked out my husband. And that's not ok. So... what am I asking for? I honestly don't know.

I guess one of the things that I am struggling with is the amount of rage I have at the abuser. And I know, a lot of you all are familiar and comfortable with anger, rage, hate when directed appropriately. It's just not a place I go, even when maybe I should. The thoughts I have about the abuser are really disturbing me.

And I don't understand. I just don't. I don't understand how anyone can be like that. Do those things. Even in the depths of mental illness, that level of... cruelty.

(Mods- I had no clue where was appropriate to post this. Sorry if it's in the wrong place).

 

[Rose White]

In my line of work (educating children) this comes up too, where I develop a lump of anger at a certain caregivers for how they treat their children. I do not have solid advice (sorry) but some things that come to mind for me when dealing with it in my situation are:

• Talking to trusted colleagues about it. I know it sounds simple but I used to isolate so much and thought I needed to always present at work in a pleasant way. When dealing with my anger at caregivers, just talking about it (even if we can’t solve it) helps because if they are trusted then they understand and might have some strategies for dealing with their anger that I didn’t think about.
• Frame it in the bigger picture. Statistically there are a certain amount of animals or kids that are abused so it’s inevitable that in our line of work we will run up against it. It’s not pleasant, but I will do all I can to support the victims, which is a kind of honor the universe bestows upon me.
• This one I’m not very well versed in, but apparently there is something called sublimation which means that the emotional energy gets transformed into some creative act.
• Of course the usual extra self care: feed yourself, go on walks, get sleep, honor your own animals or wild animals, etc.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that, it’s so painful and understandably enraging.

 

[Sideways]

I think, at this point being involved is going to be better. If I am helping, at least I'm doing something.

I can relate to this, and I don’t think it’s a necessarily bad approach. But it is probably going to mean stepping up the self care a bit.

Taking moments for yourself - lots of checking in through the day, and stepping out for a moment to give yourself air and a chance to get your breathing sorted and get grounded.

Debriefing (here, with Tat, with colleagues - anywhere that feels safe is better than keeping it bottled).

Very deliberately planning good shit for your down time. Stuff that is going to help you hit reset completely, stuff that fills you up in the moment. Whatever that is, plan to do more of it while this thing plays out.

And talk to Tat - both about what’s going on, and anything you think will be a helpful response in the moments your cup overflows. He’ll understand the angry outbursts given some context. That’s not you failing, or doing something unacceptable - it’s you being a human - and likely Tat’s going to see that as an opportunity for you guys to support each other constructively. Relationship-building, rather than relationship destroying.

I guess one of the things that I am struggling with is the amount of rage I have at the abuser.

Appropriate rage. I reckon you’re familiar with my attitude to appropriate rage by now! I’m sorry you have this to deal with as well, but it makes perfect sense, and as uncomfortable as it is, if hanging around and helping is your way of coping with this thing, then maybe make some space for this entirely appropriate emotional response.

My 2 go-to’s for this one would be exercise (something physically demanding) and action - doing something with the rage that addresses the underlying values that have inspired the emotion. It doesn’t need to be a big world-changing thing, like even donating a bunch of old towels to my local animal shelter would be helpful to me with that. But addressing the emotion within myself, and then adding some value-driven action to help my brain process what’s going on for me with that rage.

 

[arfie]

animal rescue might have been the most healing of my volunteer gigs in my own recovery. supporting their healing needs helped me understand my own needs more than all my shrink parade put together. it helped me understand my anger toward my own abusers, to boot.

 

[Muttly]

Thank you all. I read all your advice yesterday.

Talking to trusted colleagues about it. I know it sounds simple but I used to isolate so much and thought I needed to always present at work in a pleasant way

And talk to Tat - both about what’s going on, and anything you think will be a helpful response in the moments your cup overflows.

Yeah, I'm not the best at this. Tat is great and I will talk to him. I do try and protect him from some things though. He's got so much to deal with and he is a strangely sensitive person in some ways. I probably could talk to him about the anger. He is much better at dealing with feeling anger than I. There is also a coworker I could talk to. We are supposed to get together outside of work anyway.

if hanging around and helping is your way of coping with this thing, then maybe make some space for this entirely appropriate emotional response.

So, our clinic is currently boarding all the puppies. I'm one of the main caretakers this morning. It does help. Some of it is just practical duties that keep me busy. (So much laundry). But also being able to help take care of the puppies. Especially the two that need a little extra. This morning, the majority were acting much more like typical puppies.

I'm going back in a bit for the next round of puppy care and Tat is coming with me. I'm glad, the current situation isn't ideal. We have such little space. And it being just one person on the weekends for limited time, the pups aren't getting a ton of attention. Tat will get that fun job. I do want to spend a bit of time working with the one who seems the most emotionally damaged. I've spent my life doing that and might be halfway decent at it. I've already started building a relationship with him.

Spoiler: More details below the spoiler

These are the lucky ones. So many of the dogs died. Some of the adults that survived, did so by eating others that died. It was a veterinarian who finally got the person caught. A dog was brought in for cremation and the vet was apparently suspicious and did an autopsy. And the dog had been strangled to death. We also cremated one of the dogs, who was found dead on site. It was being boarded there. And the condition of the body was horrible

ok, back to happy stuff. So the two I am worried about, I'll call them stubby and lanky. When I had Stubby out earlier, I was delighted because he wanted to follow me around like the other puppies had done when they were out. He also thought about going outside. And lanky is food aggressive towards the other puppies, but when I hand feed him he has the gentlest mouth.