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    Sexual Assault Moving forward with my life

    Hi guys, it has been a long time since I was last on here, I’ve been in a very dark place for so many years but now I am coming back to the light, 10 years on from being raped I have met someone. It feels like I am in a dream because after all the hate I had for myself somehow this wonderful...
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    Unknowingly Put Into Dissociative State By T

    It was intentional, we have been talking about a technique called rewind technique/human givens which we plan to try in the future but way in the future so I didn't expect anything remotely like that would be tried, it was intentional but with good intentions. She knows now I won't do that...
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    Unknowingly Put Into Dissociative State By T

    I was discussing with my T a nightmare I had, I used to dissociate all the time when my memories started to return of my attack but it's been a long time since I've stepped out of myself. When we talked she said perhaps we need to finish the dream off (I didn't realize that meant an intentional...
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    Rewind Technique

    Ah sorry guys I didn't word that very well, I meant she would try it on me rather than me doing it alone. I can't find much on the net about it except for a few professionals who do it and in some respects if they're trying to sell it maybe they are biased towards it so you get all the pros &...
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    Rewind Technique

    Hi guys, a friend (who has had training) has suggested I try rewind technique. Anybody have any experience of this? She said I'm way to anxious to do it yet so need to work on relaxation first. Me and relaxation just don't go together, I have exercises to do everyday from now on to try to get me...
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    Sexual Assault Sexual Abuse/assult Ptsd And Effects During/following Intimate Medical.examinations/procedures

    This is timely. I'm about to go to Dr's because after 8 years of having PCOS a friend told me that some of my unusual symptoms could result in pre cancerous cells. My trauma was before diagnosis but I'm 28 never had a smear or any sexual contact since rape when I was 20. Going with a friend to...
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    No Extension With Psychotherapist-what Was It All For?

    I've been put on an NHS waiting list for some counselling but it will be months away & my upset is that this particular T has been such a support to me, her approach is so different to any therapist and it works for me. I didn't know when it started that I couldn't extend after (it was suggested...
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    No Extension With Psychotherapist-what Was It All For?

    I have 4 free sessions left with my T and it has taken me so long to be able to trust her. I hoped there could be an extension or if I could find the money somehow see her privately. The charity said no on both counts, no extension & they have a policy where Ts cannot see people privately from...
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    Anyone Have Trouble Squaring Their Functionality And How Bad They Feel?

    I feel the same, I had a phone mental health interview with NHS and although my online Assesment scores were really high for anxiety & depression. She basically said you're managing to still go to work so that's good and what it felt like she was saying was, you're not off sick so it can't be as...
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    I Struggle Even With A Hug

    Handshakes, I can manage although if it's a man it's harder because you move in close to do so. So the proximity becomes an added problem. My nice colleague hugged me today because I was in a state, she knew straight away because I backed off & she looked at me & said "I know ur not...
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    I Struggle Even With A Hug

    That is beautiful and heartbreaking in equal measure. Whatever you find in the future I hope you can find peace from it even if you can't get hugs :)
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    How Do You Get Back To Sleep?

    Me too, since moving into my house I've had no room curtains so I have had a little streetlight trickling in. My mum made beautiful blinds but it's too dark now so it's harder to sleep. I've started keeping the blinds up so I still get a bit of light. If the night light is a pain what about...
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    I Struggle Even With A Hug

    That is testimant to her that she made you so at ease, I know a lot of people who aren't comfortable with hugs (not to my extent, but you see my point). I hope that you can find that again one day
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    I Struggle Even With A Hug

    Sometimes when I'm really worked up & in bed I hug my extra pillow, it's almost like I'm giving a hug to someone but it gives me a little comfort. Now if that was say, someone putting a blanket around me they would have to give me the blanket & I'd put it around myself. Thank you for the advice...
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    I Struggle Even With A Hug

    My T tells me sometimes she wishes she could give me a hug & comfort me because I am not kind to myself. She is such a lovely person but any physical contact I find difficult, even with friend I have known for years. I wish I could be ok with it, but even hugs make me think of 'him' at work a...
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    Flashback Then 3&1/2 Hours Later Into Shock

    Thank you Muse, this week has been hell. I'm terrified because the flashback was only a small part of what happened. I'm on edge thinking about whether that part will intrude into my thoughts again in that manner or whether another flashback will come through when we talk more in the next...
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    Flashback Then 3&1/2 Hours Later Into Shock

    I had my session in the middle of the day as I am working away for the next 3 days (which I was already terrified about) so won't make my usual evening appt 2mrw. My T asked about whether one trigger a few weeks ago resulted in the same feeling of pain as the start of my trauma. I couldn't...
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    "you Have Your Whole Life Ahead Of You"

    When I am down and people try to make me feel better they say, "you're still young, you have your whole life ahead of you" (by people who don't know what happened & by the few who do) every time I hear that I have to fight back tears. I am not suicidal but this statement instantly makes me...
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    Exploded into self harm last night

    I feel overwhelmed at the response I have had to this post, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kindness
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    Exploded into self harm last night

    I'm feeling very ashamed of myself right now, last night I plucked up the courage to advertise for someone to take away my old oven (yes this sounds random, stay with me). It meant that a man would most likely come to collect it meaning I would be allowing a man into my home whilst on my own. It...
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    Terminology-informal/slang Descriptive Words Used By T

    No it doesn't have any other associations other than perhaps the way people would talk at school, but I was never one to discuss subjects to do with sex/personal acts. The removing the distance is most likely what it is about, I am dissociating more but not for long periods. I'm incredibly...
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    Terminology-informal/slang Descriptive Words Used By T

    I found it particularly difficult after my last session as it seemed that some of the words she used broke through my barriers. I am very formal in my written description about what happened to me and my T is reading a little out loud each week (started this approach 2 sessions ago). When she...
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    Mental Health Nurse Consultant- What's That?

    I have an appointment with the Mental Health Nurse Consultant at the surgery I just joined, the first appt is a 1/2 hr long assessment. Does anyone know what they do in the Assessment & what a mental health nurse consultant does in general? I'm also scared because it's a man & considering what I...
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    Compiling A Timeline

    I was until July when I went cold turkey, now after talking to my T I have managed to book an appt at Dr (spent 2 hrs calling them to get through by which time all on the day appts gone) and will ask to be put back on at low dose to take the edge off. Appt is on Monday & now it's booked I'm...
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    Compiling A Timeline

    We got back to going over the timeline yesterday & she asked what I had remembered during an early flashback when I started to remember. I said "the darkness" & half dissociated. I could hear her talking but in my head my internal self was saying "no no no, you can't deal with this, distance...
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