Terminology-informal/slang Descriptive Words Used By T

[Brokensoul88]

I found it particularly difficult after my last session as it seemed that some of the words she used broke through my barriers. I am very formal in my written description about what happened to me and my T is reading a little out loud each week (started this approach 2 sessions ago). When she reiterated what I described she used informal/common lexicon which between say...a group of lads is acceptable. For some reason it has really affected me, she has told me since it was intentional to try to break through my defences. I am struggling because I keep thinking I should be crying, sobbing about the memories but I'm so detached from it. Sure I feel a broad range of emotions in the space of a day/ week, it's like being a yo yo but this thing that happened, I can't get angry about it or distraught I can only feel angry inwardly at myself. My point is the words she used have stuck with me & one sentence keeps intruding into my head & it is really affecting me. I don't know what to do with the sentence & the image from which it originates taking over for a few seconds & completely knocking me off course.

 

[Friday]

Just some thoughts:

Does that phrase have other associations?

First thought was this = good! but this (formerly known as that) = bad, so merging them into both of these are "this" feels like it's contaminating the good with the bad? Adding shades of grey to what used to be black and white?

Or, by removing the distancing language it makes it more "real"? Hence remove the distance there, and voila, I'll disassociate here, instead?

 

[Brokensoul88]

No it doesn't have any other associations other than perhaps the way people would talk at school, but I was never one to discuss subjects to do with sex/personal acts.

The removing the distance is most likely what it is about, I am dissociating more but not for long periods. I'm incredibly frustrated at myself, I'm working on grounding but I have so much contempt for myself inwardly sometimes I feel like a ticking bomb.