1 in ten - Adjusting my communication style is risking old friendships

[oops!]

I don't know how to title this!

About 20 years ago I was sitting at a card table. Mostly good friends and one acquaintance I had known for about a year. I made a "bad" joke noone understood. To defend myself I said "A good joke will get everyone to laugh. A bad joke will make me seem dumb. A perfect joke is when 9 people look at you stupid and one person gets it."

The aquatance at time thought that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. Til a few minutes later and he was the one laughing. Years later he admitted that's when he learned to understand me.

We have been close the last 20 years. Since therapy I am trying to adjust my communication style. Many people sitting at that table miss "the old me."

I was always looking left when everyone else is looking right. If I am comfortable it's fast and quick and I didn't care about failure.

The adjustment to try to communicate my "real" needs in "real" time is proving difficult.

I guess what I am getting at is I love the way I communicate. I love the 1 in 10 response. I also have other needs that need to hit at better than 10%.

 

[Friday]

So maybe it’s not an all-or-nothing kind of thing?

Just because you’re learning new ways to communicate in therapy doesn’t mean you have to completely abandon what you love about how you communicate.

IE Not the old way you used to communicate v the new way that you’re supposed to be communicating… but skills you can choose to use, in conversation, or not.