Sufferer 17 Years After 17

[FP1978]

Hey all,

Just call me FP. I was in a near-death car accident when I was 17, and had to spend three months in the hospital. I experienced various traumatic injuries, and it changed my life course forever. I'm now 38, functional, and just walk with a limp.

I'm here because my wife and I moved when I was about 34. Something about the change of scenery triggered something in me, and I more or less kind of "lost it." I emotionally turned against my wife, who is my best friend and has stood by me for almost 20 years. I never thought something like that could happen. I went into therapy, and was diagnosed with PTSD. I never even would have considered it. I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression issues as a teenager, so I presumed it was all the same thing. I can tell now looking that it was bubbling just under the surface for years.

Things have gotten much better over the past several years, but I still sometimes feel a sense of discomfort, as though things could never be the same again. Does that make sense? As in, I stored it in for so many years, that it kind of came in a delayed explosion? Kind of fried my brain, at least temporarily?

Can anyone else relate, or have a similar story?

Thanks!;)

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome FP... no real experiences to share... I though was diagnosed later in life, and yeah my family chalked it up to depression and I got to believe it, til it didn't fit.

 

[intothelight]

@FP1978 Welcome to the forum!

Delayed onset is a fairly common occurrence and it seems the brain decides it's "safe" to process or let go of something that was lying dormant for a while. Honestly nothing is ever the same but it doesn't mean it is worse..just different, but that is pretty much a common human experience PTSD or not.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome. :)

 

[FP1978]

@FP1978 Welcome to the forum!

Delayed onset is a fairly common occurrence and...

Thanks. I agree, and I think I've faced that gradually. I think I was under the delusion that I'd never age, or die, or who knows what else. And I agree that deciding to actually accept that, to simply "be" and live on Earth for the time I have, it ain't so bad.

 

[FP1978]

Welcome FP... no real experiences to share... I though was diagnosed later in life, and yeah my fa...

Ya know, I knew it didn't fit. This burning I'd have in my head, it felt like it was going to explode. Part of what was so scary is that I had no idea what was happening or why. It almost surfaced in 2006, but not entirely.

Thanks for the welcomes everyone, best to you all, keep on keepin' on.

 

[The Albatross]

Relate... but with the element of self doubt, it took me a long time to be properly diagnosed... I didn't know what was happening either til a recovery peer realized and started questioning me on something I was trying to describe and asked me about disassociative tendencies due to child abuse. He was right, and that put me on the right track.

 

[FP1978]

Relate... but with the element of self doubt, it took me a long time to be properly diagnosed... I...

Sort of what happened with me too. The therapist I was seeing kept trying to get me to tell her about my accident. I told her that I didn't care about it, and she kept pressing. I asked her why she kept bugging me about it, and she said "I think you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." I initially scoffed at the idea - I always dismissed my exaggerated startle response as "jumpiness," no big deal, just shut up about it. In fact, as far as I was concerned, the accident was just a "minor inconvenience," my bigger issue was with my mother, or having moved away from a place I'd spent my 20's in, or anything else, the list went on. Ya know, tough and resilient stuff, "What? Get real. That was nothing." I'd leave it out of the story of my life when talking to people. Besides, getting in the accident (even though I have zero memory of it) was obviously MY fault to begin with, because I'm a stupid idiot that can't even drive a car. <--- (That last part got audible groans in the DBT support group I attended)

And Dissociative Amnesia - it was like I knew I had lived my life for the past 17 years, but I suddenly had no recollection of what it all was supposed to be. That was the hardest part. Try explaining that to your wife and best friend.

Thanks for listening. :cool:

 

[FP1978]

Slight Edit: I need to not refer to that experience as "Dissociative Amnesia," it's more accurate to call it Depersonalization-derealization .