2,000 miles from home and struggling, have no support system here

[open eyes]

I'm across the country from my friends and family this summer for a 3 month internship. 9 days ago I got diagnosed with Conversion Disorder, which, in short, is when severe unresolved trauma leads to sensory/neurological issues. It can manifest in many ways. For me, I have bouts of numbness and *intense* "pins and needles" feelings that more feel like glass under my skin.

I'm devastated and terrified. I haven't known anyone out here for more than 2 months so I don't feel very comfortable opening up about my trauma and the truth of the diagnosis. I explained concisely to my supervisor the symptoms of it and that I'm on a new medication for it and might be having side effects that affect my ability to work, but I didn't get into any detail.

I am so alone. All of the people I usually lean on are 3 time zones away which makes communicating with them difficult. I'm also often off the grid for work. This is also a conversation I'd much rather have in person with people than over the phone.

Not really sure what I'm looking for out of posting this, I guess I just needed to tell my story somewhere. Has anyone else found ways to cope when their support network is unreachable?

 

[ChildofGod]

I am sorry to hear that you're alone. It is scary on our own. Are there crisis numbers available? I hope you find help and support soon. If you can find ways to relax and destress your mind and body, that may help. Is there a support group you could join? welcome to the forums.
you can rely on yourself though. (we all do IMO, no matter if we have spouses, children, ect, no matter our age, we are still responsible for ourselves and actions, ect.)
Listen to your gut or instincts. I have learned to trust and hone my own instincts.
I know it's hard, but maybe make an aquantaince, another woman, if you can at some point. (or not, people can let you down after many years, no matter how nice you've been to them.
(especially family))

I don't have any other advice.

 

[Mach123]

Well I've written a book here pretty much and it's my go to when I have to process. I really don't do well with anyone and I isolate to compensate so I like being alone except for intimate and familial relations I pretty much stay like that. I have a very few close friends but I wouldn't call them and talk about my CSA or cPTSD. Even my wife and I only brush lightly on it so it's the therapist mostly.

I can call the therapist or text her if I were really desperate but I haven't had to do that in over a year I guess. I text her when I got diagnosed with cancer.

Every now and then I've called help lines and tried looking for groups and stuff but, unless you are in the city there is not much of that going on?

So I'd journal if you can't do anything else. I didn't know why I was doing it at first. Now I couldn't be without it.

It helps me a lot. Good luck I hope you feel better.

 

[Keming]

You can get through this. One moment at a time.

Diagnosis is frightening, but look for the positive: now that we know, we can do something about it, we can set a treatment strategy for the future.

One moment at a time. You got this.

 

[NicW]

Two things:

Here on the west coast, many therapists offer sessions by online video or similar; you might look into that.

Second: it is absolutely clear that trauma has a physiologic impact. An amazing book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/?tag=ap0f5b-20

Lastly: I agree with Mach123: this forum is a great place to benefit from the POV of others.

I hope the book and this forum are helpful. Humans are amazingly resilient and we often surprise ourselves with our strength. Let us know how you're doing.

(Yep, that's three things. I'm an overachiever ?)

 

[ChildofGod]

what an amazing post, thank you NicW. those are great ideas and observations.